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Original poster

My ex has taken my son out of his school and put him in a new one and is refusing to let me see him would the school refuse to let me collect him?

118 replies

HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 10:33

So me and my ex split up 5 years ago we have 2 children boy aged 9 and girl aged 5
when we first split up everything was fine he was having his kids regularly and his new gf who he had moved in with seemed nice enough so everything was good for a while (we split up due to his prescription drug addiction gambling addiction cheating and he just wasn’t a very nice person to be with) up until about 6 months after we split coke the excuses as to why he can’t have his kids, he refused to financially support them also.. seemed like the novelty of impressing his gf had wore off… he then changed to fortnightly contact which I wasn’t happy about at all but what can I do (if the one of the kids birthday fell on in his own words ‘not his weekend’ he refused to have him/her
he disappears for months at a time with no contact. Our daughter is autistic and he just says she’s a spoilt brat and then I found out she was sleeping in the living room on her own in a travel cot (even though his gf had a 5 bedroom house) and she was crying when she knew she was going to her dads so I stopped her from going which I know he’s happy about it she doesn’t call him dad never has done and I don’t she ever will do, but for my son when his dad would disappear his heart was broken and each time it would be me fixing it he was so distraught and couldn’t understand in his own words ‘why his dad didn’t love him any ore’ I’ve always tried to speak good of him but there’s only a certain amount of excuses I can make for him soon as my son turned 8 he stopped caring about going didn’t cry when he was let down and we all started to get on with our life… up until a few weeks ago my son was on the park with his older brother (not his dads son) and our son bumped into his dad he took him off the park leaving my other son on his own and has denied access ever since he’s took him out of his school ripped him away from his friends and family and his home life after Barry bothering with him but from what I’ve heard from my son is that he wants to live with his dad which obvs breaks my heart because o know what he’s like with his dad but was just getting use to his dads antics, so I really don’t know what to I want my son home asap but I feel bad if that’s what he’s saying? But like I said he’s always been for his dad and I guess spending some time there he’s gone back to how he was about his dad.. I know the school he’s in and want to go pick him up today but I am scared that the school will refuse to let me take him.. his dad has not once asked about his daughter or nothing in months and then thinks he can just take our son when he was barely a fortnight dad also the abuse from his dad and his gf over the years have been hell on earth he he’s cheating on her and she kicks him out she’s crying about it to me on the phone but the second he’s back the sun shines out of his ass she’s also a mother so I don’t understand how she thinks it’s okay to do this to someone?? I just need some advice and then I will be going up to the school today to collect him

OP posts:
SuperLoudPoppingAction · 18/03/2025 10:36

Is there a court order for contact and residence?

Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 10:36

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 18/03/2025 10:36

Is there a court order for contact and residence?

No literally nothing

OP posts:
femfemlicious · 18/03/2025 10:37

You should apply for an emergency court hearing. Did you report to the police when he took him from the park?

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TickingAlongNicely · 18/03/2025 10:39

You need legal advice now. Not online forum, an actual expert.

Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 10:39

femfemlicious · 18/03/2025 10:37

You should apply for an emergency court hearing. Did you report to the police when he took him from the park?

Yes they said they can’t do anything about it because he’s on the birth certificate and I did speak to my solicitor and he said he would get me the form to fill out I’ve been chasing him all last week and it’s just going to voicemail I’ve sent him emails etc left voicemails and he hasn’t got back to me yet so I’m just thinking of going up to collect him pretty soo but definitely today

OP posts:
Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 10:40

TickingAlongNicely · 18/03/2025 10:39

You need legal advice now. Not online forum, an actual expert.

I have sought legal advice??? I doubt I’m the only one who’s been in this situation and would like other peoples opinions please don’t just assume

OP posts:
Cerialkiller · 18/03/2025 10:41

He shouldn't have been able to remove D's from his school without your permission. Both resident parents have to .ake this decision. Is your ex on the birth certificate? Im guessing yes or this would be much easier.

I would start by calling both schools and explaining the situation and asking for their help. There may be a safeguarding issue.

I wouldn't believe a word that your ex says about what D's has said. It is never acceptable to simply take D's from the park and prevent you from seeing him. I suspect that the reason he is preventing D's from seeing you is that ex knows full well that he DOES want to see you. Ds is too young to make that decision anyway.

Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 10:42

Cerialkiller · 18/03/2025 10:41

He shouldn't have been able to remove D's from his school without your permission. Both resident parents have to .ake this decision. Is your ex on the birth certificate? Im guessing yes or this would be much easier.

I would start by calling both schools and explaining the situation and asking for their help. There may be a safeguarding issue.

I wouldn't believe a word that your ex says about what D's has said. It is never acceptable to simply take D's from the park and prevent you from seeing him. I suspect that the reason he is preventing D's from seeing you is that ex knows full well that he DOES want to see you. Ds is too young to make that decision anyway.

This is what I said and because he’s on the birth certificate he didn’t need my permission which is majorly disruptive to his life to just drag him out of a school he’s been in since nursery his brother and sister go to that school as does his cousin

OP posts:
Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 10:43

Cousins**

OP posts:
femfemlicious · 18/03/2025 10:43

HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 10:39

Yes they said they can’t do anything about it because he’s on the birth certificate and I did speak to my solicitor and he said he would get me the form to fill out I’ve been chasing him all last week and it’s just going to voicemail I’ve sent him emails etc left voicemails and he hasn’t got back to me yet so I’m just thinking of going up to collect him pretty soo but definitely today

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Wow I can't believe he is allowed to just take him off from the park like that. Did the police do a welfare check?. At least you should have a police report about how he took him. That should stand against him in court. I mean you could try going to school to pick him up . Take the birth certificate, stay calm and see how it goes. Don't kick up a fuss.

Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 10:45

femfemlicious · 18/03/2025 10:43

Wow I can't believe he is allowed to just take him off from the park like that. Did the police do a welfare check?. At least you should have a police report about how he took him. That should stand against him in court. I mean you could try going to school to pick him up . Take the birth certificate, stay calm and see how it goes. Don't kick up a fuss.

Show quote history

I know it’s absolutely mental, and yes police went up and did a welfare check but said that things are fine and that there’s literally nothing they can do about it

OP posts:
femfemlicious · 18/03/2025 10:46

HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 10:42

This is what I said and because he’s on the birth certificate he didn’t need my permission which is majorly disruptive to his life to just drag him out of a school he’s been in since nursery his brother and sister go to that school as does his cousin

Show quote history

Wow, this is awful. You really need to get infront of a judge. Unless he has a very valid concern about you, everything he has done is really going to stand against him. Why isn't your solicitor responding. Maybe you can go to the court and get the firm yourself and start the process yourself.

wheretoyougonow · 18/03/2025 10:50

This is a bit confusing. He has denied you access but you’ve heard that your son wants to live with his dad. Is that right?
what action have you taken from the day that he was taken by his dad? Have you sought legal advice, called Social Services (especially as you’ve mentioned addictions) and did you alert his previous school what happened?

Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 10:54

wheretoyougonow · 18/03/2025 10:50

This is a bit confusing. He has denied you access but you’ve heard that your son wants to live with his dad. Is that right?
what action have you taken from the day that he was taken by his dad? Have you sought legal advice, called Social Services (especially as you’ve mentioned addictions) and did you alert his previous school what happened?

Yes that’s right.. so soon as I found out when my other son came home without his brother and told me his dad had taken him I rang his dad who obvs didn’t answer and he text me saying he will not be returning him and I have been blocked ever since, I rang the police and spoken with them and they said they can’t do anything about it because he is on the birth certificate, I have contacted my solicitor for legal advice and applied to the court for an emergency hearing my solicitor said he would get back to me once the court received my forms that was last week and I haven’t heard anything since from my solicitor, he handed me a I think it was called a c100 form to fill out so I have

OP posts:
Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 10:55

wheretoyougonow · 18/03/2025 10:50

This is a bit confusing. He has denied you access but you’ve heard that your son wants to live with his dad. Is that right?
what action have you taken from the day that he was taken by his dad? Have you sought legal advice, called Social Services (especially as you’ve mentioned addictions) and did you alert his previous school what happened?

Also the school know about it but have barely looked me in the ye since tbh, also social services said it boys ground for involvement even though I’ve told them about his drug addictions

OP posts:
Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 10:56

femfemlicious · 18/03/2025 10:46

Wow, this is awful. You really need to get infront of a judge. Unless he has a very valid concern about you, everything he has done is really going to stand against him. Why isn't your solicitor responding. Maybe you can go to the court and get the firm yourself and start the process yourself.

Show quote history

I know 😭 can to just go up to his school and collect him? And then I will apply for full parental responsibility or atleast so he can’t do this again

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 18/03/2025 11:01

You too have parental responsibility so unless the school suspect that you are an immediate danger to your son (eg drunk, under the influence of drugs etc) then they cannot prevent you from taking him. I've been on the other end of this with a father insisting he collect his child from me (I ran a drama class) and I was advised that legally I could not prevent it.

You need to apply for a court order ASAP and apply for residence.

Comefromaway · 18/03/2025 11:03

It's the 9 year old he took? The court may take his views into consideration when granting residence. If he was a couple of years older they wold definitely consider his views, not sure about 9.

Comefromaway · 18/03/2025 11:04

And then I will apply for full parental responsibility or at least so he can’t do this again

There is no such thing. You cannot take his parental responsibility away. What you can do is apply for court ordered residence/contact order.

femfemlicious · 18/03/2025 11:09

HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 10:56

I know 😭 can to just go up to his school and collect him? And then I will apply for full parental responsibility or atleast so he can’t do this again

Show quote history

I think there's nothing to lose by trying. Make sure you are well dressed and look very calm but firm. No hysterics. Take his birth certificate and your ID and present it. See what they say.

Bakedpotatoes · 18/03/2025 11:15

I would be going to the school, say you have a dentist appointment or something. Take your ID and birth certificate though.

Get a new solicitor and get to court asap. You need to talk to your son to find out if he really does want to live with his dad and whether you can look at 50/50 if he wants that.

Original poster
HollyAnnLee · 18/03/2025 11:22

femfemlicious · 18/03/2025 11:09

I think there's nothing to lose by trying. Make sure you are well dressed and look very calm but firm. No hysterics. Take his birth certificate and your ID and present it. See what they say.

Show quote history

What do I say though because I have a feelin I’d get there and go mute out of fear of refusal and nervousness

OP posts:
BarracuddaYouda · 18/03/2025 11:28

Op, your posts are so confusing but you are likely very upset and anxious so its understandable.

You need to do the following in this order:

  1. Contact new school, send them copy of birth certificate so they have proof you're mum. Arrange to pick up your son today/tomorrow slightly earlier.

  2. Apply for an emergency court order citing that the father removed your shared son from his school without your consent (not permission, he doesn't need permission, but all parties with PR need to consent to school moves)

  3. Within the same application you need to request your son is returned to his previous school.

  4. I wouldn't remove your son from the new school at the moment, it's going to impact him even more so when you contact the school arrange what days you will pick up your son and simply just inform the father, in the same message state if you're blockade from picking up on these days and a scene is created at school then both you and school will call the police.

crumblingschools · 18/03/2025 11:29

Does the new school have your details? I would phone them and let them know who you are. I am assuming they know nothing about you. If you have parental responsibility then they can't stop you picking him up, in the same way his dad has been able to do that. But you can go to court about the schools if he has been deregistered/registered without your permission.

BarracuddaYouda · 18/03/2025 11:30

And btw, it's virtually impossible to remove his parental responsibility but what you can do is ask the Court to draw up within the Court order that any major decisions regarding Education are agreed by you both within two weeks.