How do you get anything done with a newborn?

[witsendhelp]

I feel so guilty even writing this because I know I should be enjoying these first weeks as I won't get them back.

My DD is three weeks today and DPs now back at work, his hours are long so was out for 14 hours yesterday. DD is breastfed so I'm doing all night feeds, changes burping. She sleeps for one three hour stretch a night but will then be up for 2 hours cluster feeding and needing to be held.

I spend the whole day feeding the baby, I'll feed her, burp her and then lay her down once she's asleep, she'll wake up the minute she's put down and is hungry/needing comfort and so the cycle continues. She likes to be held constantly, even when asleep.

I've tried a sling/carrier so I can be arms free but she hates it. I've got a swing/bouncer but she screams. I've tried with a dummy but she won't take it from me. I've just introduced 2.5 Oz of expressed milk at 10pm but she will still want to be put to the breast afterwards and will still have a feed of around 30 minutes and probably a further 2-3 feeds before she goes down for the 3 hour stretch. Shes gaining weight, and her latch seems fine. Plenty of wet and dirty nappies and I don't think it's an issue with my supply as I collect 2oz of let down when she is on the other.

I'm stuck to the sofa or bed constantly, and while it's nice to have newborn cuddles and watch telly, I'd really like to be able to make myself a cup of tea or a sandwich or even be able to run to the loo

Does anyone have any ideas of what might buy me 5 minutes?

If you need the loo you put her down and she screams.

Cup of tea - I'd recommend buying a large flask or I have like a litre cup with a straw that keeps it warm. It's pretty safe and the tea stays warm for ages.

Baby swing was pretty good with mine.

Have you tried going for a walk after a feed then they stay asleep in the pram for a bit when you get back ?

Congratulations on your baby girl
The first few weeks are HARD.

However much baby fusses you must do the basics to take care of yourself when you are on your own - that includes making yourself things to eat and drink (and eating and drinking them), using the loo and having a wash. Leave baby somewhere safe (changing mat, cot, bouncer) and even if she cries you will not be long.
By 6-8 weeks many babies are a lot more settled and will be ok being put down.

You don't get anything done! (Honestly - someone even wrote a book, 'What Mothers Do - Especially When It Looks Like Nothing')
She might accept a sling when she's a bit bigger - not sure what sling you tried but she might be more accepting of a wrap sling like an ergo, rather than a baby bjorn.
Hang in there!

As long as you have a safe place to pop her down (like a Moses basket), it's fine to make a quick cuppa, grab a shower etc... even she has a grumble / cry. I used to take my Moses basket into the bathroom with me and the sound of the shower often put mine to sleep! Like white noise I guess!

To be honest when they are three weeks old, you can’t! If you need the toilet you will have to put her down and let her scream. Can you get your DP to make you a flask of tea and some food/packed lunch/snacks before he leaves for work? As pp said you could try the pram but appreciate that means you’re moving and not getting anything done either. It’s hard but these weeks do pass quickly.

Do you have anyone else who can help you by doing a bit of cleaning or washing? If you have visitors they might help hold her whilst you shower? Or alternatively don’t be afraid to ask them to wash up etc.

Echoing everyone- it’s hard and the feeling of loosing yourself is really really hard … I have an almost 3 year old and while her sleep is better the adjustment to the new me is still a challenge

Put baby in a Moses basket near the toilet and go to the loo same with a tea

Biggest advice if you feel you are loosing your cool on the floor cot or bassinet is the safest place and you go scream into a pillow to the sky outside… not every baby is an easy sleeper and adjusting to them not being a great sleeper is HARD

It gets better but the beginning is such an adjustment from total freedom to almost captivity

This is all normal at 3 weeks. You just spend your whole time feeding. I found it settled into more of a pattern around 10 weeks.

If you really need to do something (go to the loo, open the door, etc), you just put baby down in Moses basket/chair/pram and if she cries she cries. The sound of your own baby crying can make you lose your mind and drop everything else but no harm will come to her if she cries a few minutes.

It gets easier!

I can remember thinking it was a big achievement getting dressed with a BF newborn!
It seems endless when BFing is getting established but there will come a time (I think around 12 weeks for my two) when it all just falls into a more manageable pattern.
I would persevere with a sling, maybe try and position her so that she is in the same position as when you are holding her. I 'm sure you can get ones where they are more across your body and you can BF when they are in it, then you won't be disturbing her by putting her down. And don't worry about burping her after feeds.

It does get better!

I'm sorry but this is life now, it will get better. I remember telling a childless friend at about the 3 month-first born moment that I was lucky if I had 10 minutes to myself in the whole day.
Try to be kind to yourself, do as little as possible beyond rest, get in ready meals, don't do housework, find the best ways of getting your baby to sleep, we used to put her in a pram and run it backwards and forwards over a telephone cable (!), the rhythm put her to sleep, I used to recite The Owl and the Pussycat for hours with her asleep on my shoulder as I walked, later with her twin sisters, I used to put them in the car after lunch and go for an hour's drive during which they would sleep (but wake up the minute we got home)!
It does get better, just wait, and get DH onboard even if he is working. My DH had a 12 hour day including a commute to London and he always got up to do some night feeds or change them, it is possible, it just needs cooperation.
Take care of yourself.

Oh bless you! It does get easier! My EBF DS is now 11 weeks and he’s finding it easier to be in his bouncer for a bit while awake, and napping in his carrycot or crib rather than on me in the sling. It shocked me that I was actually able to fold ALL the laundry in one sitting the other day! 😂 Feeds have also stabilised and he’s snacking less, which means I have more time in between.

Also, like most things, if you persevere with sling etc, they’ll get used to it. Top tip in the meanwhile: get yourself some noise cancelling headphones for those moments when you need to make tea or wee or use both hands. It’s not neglectful to let your baby cry for a couple of mins while you perform a basic function or a quick job that means you can take care of you. The headphones will just take the edge off the crying so that your nerves don’t suffer when baby is clearly safe and well.

You just have to accept not getting much done - she's only 3 weeks old.

Having said that there is nothing wrong with leaving her to cry for a few minutes while you go to the loo/have a shower/make a cup of tea. She will be fine.

My first was like this and it was soooo hard.
In the first few weeks I realised I had to either get out of the house or lower my expectations- i.e when I'm in the house nothing gets done and I only eat if I make myself easily accessible food in the morning while hubby holds baby or I put baby down screaming or if I go out baby will sleep in car seat or pram or in my friends arms while I cried and raided their cupboards.
It did pass by about six weeks she could manage longer than 5 second naps in a cot/on the bed or be happy under a jungle gym thing for ten minutes.
I found other people did not understand why I was finding it so hard until I had my second baby who is a LOT easier. Will merrily sleep in her pod for two hours or the sling for a couple of hours and I can actually be a normal functioning human!
But I've had experience with a very clingy baby and it's not easy.
So well done you xx

The pram. I found if Ds fell asleep after feeding, I could transfer to pram carrycot sometimes and rock the pram with my foot if needed whilst I made lunch or tea.

Or take baby for walk in pram ( or around living room if raining!) after feeding. If they fall asleep, you get time to pee and make tea hopefully on return.

I used sheepskin liner in pram carrycot to make cosier, and then he startled awake less on transfer.

A really lightweight baby bouncer that I could move around with one hand worked with one of mine. She'd happily sit in that and watch me for a few mins at a time while I made lunch or got dressed.

My other daughter, no way. She just had to cry. I'd be a quick as possible, but if for example I needed a wee, then I needed a wee. I had a big fluffy towel I'd lie on the floor just in the doorway, pop her down, and chat away to her the whole time (not that she could hear me over her own fury about being put down for 30 seconds). That didn't really get better until she was able to sit up by herself. Then she was happy to be put down.

I remember feeling like this but in hindsight 3 weeks is so little still and it changes so quickly. By 8-10 weeks things will feel so much different and by 12-16 I bet you will be able to put baby down for short times. Just focus on getting through the next few weeks. I used to try and get showered and dressed early before my partner left as that helped me feel human and then get everything prepped for the sofa - have a thermos of hot drink, big bottle of water and snacks. You could try prepping lunch/ have a lunchbox in the fridge so you can easily have that when needed. And just focus on sharing doing the housework/dinner etc when partner gets home and not before on your own - if you manage to do something before then that's a bonus. It definitely will get easier and soon you'll be able to do those little bits without a problem. Its such a cliche when people say 'enjoy it now, it goes so fast' and hard to actually do that in the moment but you will feel less stressed if you just lean into it and accept that this is what it is at the moment. I also quite liked listening to audio books as a change from TV sometimes if you run out of things to watch! Congrats!

My partner did absolutely everything even though he had 12-14 h days at work and left the house at half 5. He did this for the entire first year. I did the washing and the food shop (online) he did the rest. I had pnd and for most of the first 4 months I struggled to get out of bed and feed our daughter. He was my absolute rock.
She had severe silent reflux and making myself a cup of tea involved putting her down and picking her up 5 times! She was in my arms 23h a day! Once she was 4 or 5 months I could put her in a sling and do a little more when we were both having bad days

I know this is going to sound so out of date as my DD is 30 yrs old now but when she was a newborn I found a Britax Rock a Bye absolutely invaluable.

It doubled as a new born car seat too but basically I used to carry her around in it wherever I was in the house. If I was cleaning the bedroom for instance I would sit the rock a bye in the centre of the bed - no chance of it rolling off as it was extremely sturdy - and she could watch what I was doing or sleep if preferred. She absolutely loved it and it meant I was never away from her as it was so easy to carry around. Unfortunately, I don't think they make them any more but something similar would be great as it also has a rocking motion if you choose to release the latch. I was breastfeeding the first 4 months and again she loved to be rocked in her chair once she was properly settled after feeding.

It looked like this does on the video: I

There's some great advice on this thread, thank you all! I'm glad, I think, that this is to be expected at this stage

Ive discovered that she'll tolerate lying on her changing mat on the bathroom floor listening to the shower.

I've also bought a playgym with a high contrast cover which she loves

I remember the first time I landed the dishwasher with my first. I’m now 5 years on and I still remember….

I second flask of tea and packed lunch. I used to take my Velcro baby in the bath with me. You might need help getting in and out though.

I know you’re trying to be helpful but a newborn baby REALLY should not be in a car seat for extended periods, it can cause issues with their spine or potentially even their breathing.

My first was like this and it was very hard. You must take care of yourself though even if that means she has to cry for a bit whilst you get yourself food etc. My second was a very content little baby but as I had a child to get to school she had to cry for longer periods whilst I did what was necessary for the older child. It does get gradually easier over weeks and months.

She’s still teeny and this stage is totally normal
youre doing a great job

I was going to recommend this book. Naomi used to run a Mothers Talking group near me in north London when I had DS and it was a lifeline. She would say you’re doing the important thing, just bring attuned to your baby. This mad stage of permanent feeding won’t last.

It’s either accept you’ll get nothing done or accept they’ll scream a bit. Both are fine. You just have to do whatever works for you. With my first I was of the first type, and my second 10 years later I just thought sod it I have stuff to do so he used to get plonked in the baby swing or bouncer a fair bit and whizzed round the house with me so I could see him but he still screamed. Dc are 12 and 22 now and both happy and thriving so neither approach (in my very limited survey!) is wrong. Don’t beat yourself up over thinking it too much.