How do you get anything done with a newborn?

[witsendhelp]

I feel so guilty even writing this because I know I should be enjoying these first weeks as I won't get them back.

My DD is three weeks today and DPs now back at work, his hours are long so was out for 14 hours yesterday. DD is breastfed so I'm doing all night feeds, changes burping. She sleeps for one three hour stretch a night but will then be up for 2 hours cluster feeding and needing to be held.

I spend the whole day feeding the baby, I'll feed her, burp her and then lay her down once she's asleep, she'll wake up the minute she's put down and is hungry/needing comfort and so the cycle continues. She likes to be held constantly, even when asleep.

I've tried a sling/carrier so I can be arms free but she hates it. I've got a swing/bouncer but she screams. I've tried with a dummy but she won't take it from me. I've just introduced 2.5 Oz of expressed milk at 10pm but she will still want to be put to the breast afterwards and will still have a feed of around 30 minutes and probably a further 2-3 feeds before she goes down for the 3 hour stretch. Shes gaining weight, and her latch seems fine. Plenty of wet and dirty nappies and I don't think it's an issue with my supply as I collect 2oz of let down when she is on the other.

I'm stuck to the sofa or bed constantly, and while it's nice to have newborn cuddles and watch telly, I'd really like to be able to make myself a cup of tea or a sandwich or even be able to run to the loo

Does anyone have any ideas of what might buy me 5 minutes?

Keep trying different things! My first would sit in the bouncy chair while I had a very quick shower - she’d often be screaming by the end of it but I always felt more human after so prioritised it. Second baby would lie quite happily on a changing mat whilst I did various activities. Sling worked for both but I did have to try different ones to find the one that worked for me.

With the breastfeeding, I would get set up with a table nearby with my easy to eat food, tea,
phone and remote control, just in case I was stuck for hours. I hated it with my first but with my second I kind of embraced it knowing that it’s just for a relatively short period.

naps both of mine wanted to be held to start with - it’s just the safest place for them! They don’t know you really need a wee 😂 after a while they would both sleep in the sling, then the pram, then the pushchair. I have to admit I never conquered ‘just putting them down in the cot whilst sleepy but awake’ - seems to be an urban myth in our house.

hang on in there mama, you’re doing great. Soon they’ll be crawling, walking and eating crap off the floor and you’ll wish they would sleep peacefully on you whilst you watched tv 😬

40-odd years ago, mine would fall asleep in a soft nest whenever I vacuumed giving me time to shower or just put my feet up.

My eldest was super clingy and it was a nightmare. Turns out he had reflux and ended up on medication for it. But it meant he wouldn’t be put down and slept on me / attached to me for a long time! He did however love the sling (close caboo) as it kept him very snug and upright.

If your partner works from home get him to bring you snacks etc during the day. If you can get baby used to a sling you’ll get a lot more mobile. It is really tough and it feels endless. In a few months though baby will be sitting etc and this will all improve! It’ll come ☺️ and yes enjoy chilling on the sofa watching crap TV while baby feeds / snoozes. Once they’re a toddler you won’t get chance!!

Congratulations on your baby girl. I’m glad you’ve found a couple of things that work already but I had to drop in as I hard relate to your post.

My DD is now 8mo but I remember very clearly the feeling of being trapped on the sofa in the early days. Some people love it but I was not one of them. I was climbing the walls and used to be excited at the prospect of cleaning the kitchen! A finite task to complete was such a treat 😂

The cluster feeding does pass soon enough, so hold on! We had a Tripp Trapp with the baby seat and I always found mine was happier to settle in that than on floor or low bouncer, she was very alert from a very young age and I think she liked being higher up. Mine also hated the pram and car seat 🥴 I switched her bassinet to pushchair at 11 weeks - best thing we ever did. And not ashamed to say Ms Rachel still gets us through most car journeys!

When DS (now 5) was a newborn, I read that breastfeeding mothers spend over 40 hours/week holding their babies - i.e. more than a full time job. It helped me cut myself some slack in terms of "getting stuff done".
In terms of taking care of yourself, it's really difficult, especially if you're someone who likes to be quite busy and active. Sitting on the sofa in my dressing gown watching netflix all morning is my absolute idea of hell.
Prioritise getting showered and dressed each day - I would put mine on a mat on the bathroom floor so they could at least see/hear me. Sometimes they cried anyway, but I perfected the 3-minute shower so it was never for long! Then at least you're set up to do things like go for a walk in the pram instead of being trapped on the sofa all day. Even if you don't get anything productive done, you've left the house, you can fit in a little errand or get a cup of tea from a coffee shop, and it makes you feel a bit human.
Mine also liked to be held all the time (and tbh still haven't grown out of it at 2 and 5 - they're currently both asleep in my bed while I've snuck downstairs to doomscroll!) and would only nap on me or in the pram. If you have a secure garden there's nothing wrong with bundling them up warm, taking them for a walk, and if they fall asleep in the pram, leaving them asleep in the garden and checking on them frequently. Or going inside to make a quick cup of tea and a sandwich and eating it outside with them, if you feel safer having them sleep in your line of sight.
The first I'd say 4 months are really hard IME. Then it slowly starts to get a bit less intense. Hang in there!

She's only 3 weeks old. If you need to go to the loo, just let her cry, but otherwise just enjoy the time if you don't have anyone else that can come over to mind her for a bit

I ff, then just has a baby chair, I did a bit of housework each day and washing so nothing built up so 30-60 mins a day maybe then prepped a little towards dinner, that was it

I planned what I wanted to do each day and just did it, didn't think about it just got it done somehow