SAHM advice please

[Triedeveryusernameunderthesun]

Hi
I am in desperate need of advice please. It's a long story, so I am just going summarise. I feel very alone right now so please be kind :)
I have 2 children and a joint mortgage with husband. He is the sole earner. I am a f/t sahm. Our oldest is in school, but I have never been fully on board with this. I plan to home school our youngest.
Are there any sahm/co-parenting, working from home and home schooling?
Do you claim UC?
What do I do about the house/mortgage?
I have been reading online but it feels really overwhelming and I have a lot going on right now. I can't think clearly.

Thank you x

I have some questions. Is there a reason why your children aren't suited to school, or is this about your reservations about schooling as a system?

Are you worried about being a one income family when the mortgage comes up for renewal? You can usually side step all that palava if you switch to another product with the same provider.

My only experience of homeschooling/ sahm-ing and working from home was during the covid years with three kids and for much of it I'd have happily stuck my head in a blender.

I shouldn't think you would be able to claim uc if your partner is working full time.

What do you mean by 'what do I do about the mortgage?' ?

I'm not sure if you've missed something out of your op. You're married, have a joint mortgage, you're not earning, he is, so he pays it?

Wait a minute. Do you mean you're expected to pay half?!?

I had thought something funny was going @CantHoldMeDown
From the bizarre op.
So the op is being financially abused?

Do you claim UC?
What do I do about the house/mortgage?

What do you mean what do you do about the mortgage? Are you looking to leave your husband? You’re already a SAHM so surely you just carry on doing what you’re doing re mortgage - what’s changed? Same question re UC - if you qualify then yes claim it?

Sounds like a lot of info is missing!

Hopefully the confused responses op will have made you realise that your questions aren't normal.

How a healthy relationship would work would be that you first both have a discussion with all your incomes laid out to see if there is enough money coming in for one of you to be a sahp.

If there is, ie for you if your dh earns enough to support the whole family, and you're all in agreement with the home schooling, then his income becomes family income that you both have equal access to and everything is paid from.

If there isn't, then home schooling might not be an option available to you. One of you, and a discussion would be had to see who is the most suitable, would need to add more money to the joint pot.

All money earnt will be joint in any relationship where one party sacrifices earning to look after joint children. All decisions should be made together.

Sorry if I have confused you. I am looking for advice or experience from other sahm who work from home and home school (as a single parent) potentially claiming UC, with a mortgage or did you have to keep DH on the mortgage or sell up etc ...

From my experience and backed up by other posts I have read and teacher friends, the education system is a complete shambles and more about making money than educating children! I cannot go into too much detail.

Regarding my anxiety, this is something I am working very hard on. This is a separate issue and not what I have come on here to discuss today. My children are fully IN the world attending clubs/seeing family/friends and this will continue alongside home schooling. X

But why would your finances change to the point you need to sell your house - you’re not giving up work in order to homeschool, as you’re already a SAHM?

"more about making money than educating children" - are you talking about private schools OP?

OP the best place to ask for advice on this would be the home education groups on Facebook, some will alllow you to post anonymously if that would help (if you are considering leaving your husband). They’re are many parents home educating while working.

My understanding would be that you need to be available for and seeking work when on universal credit. I don't expect you could get it because of a choice to home educate.

Your spouses income would also be taken into account so if he's working full time you'd be unlikely to qualify.

The fact is that many people can't afford to home educate because they need to work

Whether some people manage to combine some paid work at home with home educating - perhaps but I would imagine only with a supportive spouse doing the same and sharing HE, and probably only when the kids are older and able to learn independently more.

Because if my husband and I divorce, we may have to sell! He will want/need his share. Alternatively, in order to keep the house on my own, I will need to work, but ideally from home, allowing me to home school my youngest and be around for my children f/t instead of working purely to pay for childcare and hardly seeing them! Not to mention juggling all of the school holidays for my eldest's school. Even if we sell, I will still need to work and I was hoping other mums in this situation might come on to share how it works for them and what they work from home doing etc.

I am not on fb.

Ah you didn't mention in your OP you were considering divorce.

I think it would be really tough to HE as a single parent and earn a decent income unless it was shared equally with the other parent.

While I fully support people home schooling if they can and it's better for the child, not many workplaces will allow you to work while home educating.

Thank you. I'm not on fb but may have to join.

Are you or your DH considering divorce? Or do you mean as a what if?

A stay at home parent is a parent who doesn’t work, you can’t be both at the same time. Neither is right or wrong it’s just impossible to be both at the same time.

How does your husband feel about home ed?

How do you expect to work from home FT AND home educate AND claim UC as a single mother to two very young children?

I don't think you can afford your ideals. Leave your husband. Get a job. Send your children to school. On the one hand you're being financially abused; on the other you're talking about school only being about making money and yet wanting to claim UC yourself.

From my experience and backed up by other posts I have read and teacher friends, the education system is a complete shambles and more about making money than educating children!

My experience of school, and my children are 17, 15 and 11, has been really good. They've all had a run without bullying and excelled in their studies. There's been the odd gripe along the way but, on the whole, it's been incredibly positive.

Lots of parents work from home. So I can indeed be a parent at home who works and is around for her children.

I’m an ex teacher and I think what is happening in my children’s primary schools
is amazing. I’m not opposed to home ed for my kids but at the moment school is the best place for them.

Working from home is different. That’s being at home and working. I honestly believe you can’t parent properly and work at the same time with young children. By this I mean you can’t be working and looking after the children by yourself at the smas time. It’s fine to work if someone else is looking after them.