SAHM advice please

[Triedeveryusernameunderthesun]

Hi
I am in desperate need of advice please. It's a long story, so I am just going summarise. I feel very alone right now so please be kind :)
I have 2 children and a joint mortgage with husband. He is the sole earner. I am a f/t sahm. Our oldest is in school, but I have never been fully on board with this. I plan to home school our youngest.
Are there any sahm/co-parenting, working from home and home schooling?
Do you claim UC?
What do I do about the house/mortgage?
I have been reading online but it feels really overwhelming and I have a lot going on right now. I can't think clearly.

Thank you x

I think you have two choices

Stay with your husband, stay as a SAHM and homeschool OR Leave your husband, get a job and send the kids to school and hopefully earn enough to afford a separate home

WFH and home schooling is really not compatible - definitely not in any job that pays enough to cover a mortgage and living expenses

I don’t know who you’re talking to but state schools don’t make any money. They do have problems for sure but they aren’t profit making, how could they be if they are free. Sounds like you might be speaking/listening to conspiracy theorists

I don’t understand how you plan on holding down a wfh job AND homeschool at the same time, as someone who wfh and used to be a teacher…that is nigh on impossible if you want to do them well! Sorry

I often work from home. I could not educate one, let alone two children while working. Either I would not be working or they would receive a highly substandard education.

If I did need to home educate them then you have to put in work into preparing, managing, being there to run their day, make sure they are doing the work, take them out for activities, join in educational stuff outside the home. Doing all of that- education plus additional enrichment while working would be almost impossible. Especially if it’s just you.

That though is not a reason to not leave your husband. Your children will be fine in school and will be happier once you are out of your abusive environment.

No employer would accept someone parenting while they're meant to be working, so you would need to set up your own business that would pay enough for you to secure housing for yourself, while also needing so little input that you could spend hours a day home educating.

You know people that work from home are actually "working" normally and expected to give their full attention to their job, right?

Not sure what kind of job you have in mind that makes you think you can also be fully around for your children?

I never said work f/t. I would be looking to work p/t and if I am entitled to any uc then I will claim it.

I am being financially abused because my husband thinks he holds all the cards because he earns the money.

Schools are about making money. Google it. Why do you think many are now academies!

Anybody entitled to UC should claim it. This has nothing to do with my husband or school. I am not saying I want to claim it, but if it allows me to be around more for my children and work p/t then I will claim it.

I asked for other mum's experiences of living a similar situation.

UK schools have a lot of problems but I don’t think they are out to ‘make money’, unless you’re not in the UK?

Could you work as a childminder? That's pretty much the only work I could imagine being able to do alongside caring and teaching your own children?

And the answers you are getting are as they are for a few reasons,

1. You are not entirely clear on your plan.
2. The situation you are describing is not a common set up, because it doesn’t really work.
3. Schools are not in it for the money

I don't think there'd be many women who are staying at home parents who also work from home (since the two phrases mean opposite things) who also home educate their kids.

It seems unusual.

If you're working from home you're not around for your child. You're working. Exactly this attitude is why a lot of employers want people back in office because they know people take the Mickey.

Essentially your whole post screams that you are potentially not available enough or indeed have sufficient head space to give your child a good home-schooling experience.

Your need to homeschool seems to come more from your need to manage your anxiety and control outcomes than it does from a perspective of it benefiting your child.

Well all I can really say is WOW!!!
A forum designed for support and you would think or at least hope kindness too given that we are all adults. It literally is like throwing yourself to the wolves by posting on here. I am glad the majority of you have such perfect lives. One size doesn't fit all. We are all trying to do the best we can. My children are my world. I didn't realise I needed to give an exact minute by minute account of my plans. I am fully aware that I would need to 'work' if working from home and I would not be taking the mickey at all. Working p/t I could do my hours potentially of an evening or during nap times etc. I would give home schooling my absolute best also. You don't know me so maybe try remembering that if you feel the need to judge. And we all have mental health whether we choose to accept it or not. Like I said I am working very hard to overcome it whilst being a bloody good mum!!!

Over and out.

Whether you can claim any UC depends on how much your DH earns. Mine earns over £60k so I am entitled to nothing, I don't even get child benefit because DP earns too much.

When you put in your claim for UC it is based on household income. You might not have any money coming in for yourself but your DH does and he will be expected to pay for you and DC.

As far as I know you don't get paid to homeschool your children, more would people would do it if you did!

If you don't want to get a job you need to speak to your DH about whether the household can afford for you to be a SAHM.

I don't see how you could home educate 2 children particularly a young child and work full time.

Well, that didn’t screech to a halt in a totally OTT way at all, did it ?

Nobody is judging you we are just trying to help you see that what you’re expecting to do will either be very hard or impossible. I don’t doubt that you love your children and I don’t doubt you want what’s best for them. But the question you’re asking seems to be not very well thought out. Sorry.

I answered you honestly with the benefit of my experience. 🤷🏼‍♀️

If you do decide to come back to the thread people probably have older children than you and so were possibly trying to work around homeschooling when lockdown happened.

Working part time around your children sounds good in theory but if you do end up as a single parent and you have a child who refuses to go to bed or drops their naps way before you think they should or your children are sick working might be very difficult. Not all work can be completed ad-hoc throughout the day and evening it depends on the job.

I am a sahm and I also volunteered in a primary school as a TA (I took qualifications to be more educated than a parent helper) and young children need a lot of attention to keep them on task.

As you are being financially abused the first piece of advice I would give you is to find a part time job.

I think if nothing else Covid showed that trying to work and home schooling dc is a disaster for most people.

What work are you thinking of doing? I know some people who do book keeping in the evenings or do project management for overseas companies, also IT support. But they have specific skills.

But it requires exceptionally high energy levels to be able to care for dc all day, support their teaching and then switch to working in the evening.

Do you have the kind of high energy, high focus personality that would make this possible? Do you have the skills set to make finding higher paid remote work possible?

It is worth being honest with yourself before you try and start this.

Unfortunately if you and your DH divorce the DWP will not let you be a SAHM. If all your children are at school they will expect you to get a job that is at least 35 hours per week (full time).

Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

In reality, with no comment on whether it's right or wrong, the truth is that if you're a SAHM your breadwinner husband DOES hold almost all the cards.

Most women aspire to have partnerships with their husbands, not servant-master relationships. If you're in the latter, that is what you need to sort out before you move onto nice-to-haves like home ed versus school.

Hi, we are a fellow home ed family. I don’t work from home but I do work evenings and weekends (30hr/wk) around the kiddos. My partner is the main earner, it’s hard work and tiring at times but we wouldn’t change our set up :) We don’t claim any benefits so I can’t be sure but I think as long as you are working the hours stipulated by UC then home education wouldn’t affect benefit entitlement.. eg you need to work 20hrs and you could manage that around your family life?