So, who's right, my H for hitting my 9yo dd, or the 8 yo she hit?

[2sugarsagain]

He left a whacking huge red mark on her arm. When she'd stopped hitting dd2, she hit H. I just don't know what to do.

does anyone need to be right? can everyone be wrong and a bit cross and all say sorry?

H is wrong, IMO. A 9 yo knows that they are doing wrong by hitting someone else, but they may not have the self control to stop doing it. Your H should have removed himself from the situation rather than hitting her. That's just my opinion though - I am strongly against adults hitting children.

FIS, thanks for the reply. Yes, agree with what you've said, just doesn't seem right. A woman abused in that way would get help - just don't know how I can give it.

Sounds like everyone was wrong,
IMO.

If he's left a whacking huge red mark on her arm, he's broken the law.

I doubt if she has broken the law.

Therefore, it's likely that he is far more wrong than her.

Who is the adult?

He's in the wrong more that your DD. He's also not exactly setting the right example is he if he wanted her to stop hitting DD2 right?!

are you talking about the 9 yr old?

I think if dh is in the habit of hitting/hitting that hard then you need to do something.

If this was a bit out of character and a one-off response to the situation, then an apology and perhaps a chat about losing tempers might be in order (for everyone).

Does the 9yr old have a temper issue?

Is this a regular occurance?

No-one is right.

H is not setting a great example imo. Hitting is an odd way of punishing a child for hitting.

Can you both sit down and agree on a way of dealing with physical aggression from your children, and stick to it no matter what?

A united front will help.

Agree with foxinsocks, if it was a one off then a good heart to heart chat for everyone is in order.

FM, I'm assuming that was an ironic question. Her father

Yes, it's a regular occurance, but the saddest thing is that dd1 frequently asks why her father favours dd2 over her. I just don't know what to do about that.

he regularly whacks her that hard? hard enough to leave a mark and regularly?

jeez 2 sugars, can't see much in a man who does that to a child I'm afraid

and you wonder why dd is aggressive?

can you have a word with your GP or put an anonymous call to the NSPCC or childline and ask them what they think you should do?

So he regularly hits her?

Can you not talk to him and come up with some united strategies for him to deal with her without resorting to violence?

have you spoken to dh about his temper?

sorry I sounded a bit harsh there

you know there are courses and ALL SORTS and loads of help for people with temper/anger problems but he has to recognise he has a PROBLEM and want to get better

I wouldn't let any man hurt my child deliberately, even if he was the father

Obviously it's a delicate situation though.

Agree with foxinsocks. Do you feel OK about watching your H do that to your child?

the dad hit DD1 for hitting DD2 Kerry, then DD1 hit the dad. That's what I understood anyway.

What do you say when your H hits your children - do you intervene?

2sugarsagain, I wasn't being ironic. It was my answer. He is the adult. Adults don;t hit children in my books.

OMG, no, it's only as regular as dd1 hits dd2. And subsequently her father, which, thankfully, isn't that often

2sugars have you talked to your DH about how DD1 feels?