Will social services get back involved.

[Mummyto181]

I have a 9 year old son, I was in a relationship with my ex for 5 years during the relationship arguments were rife, and on a few occasions (when son was a baby) he pushed me, we were on/off over the 5 years really until when my son was 4 weeks had a huge arguement which my neighbours called the police, asked what happened and we said it was a verbal arguement etc etc they said they would have to report to SS because child was present.
SS called me 2 weeks later, I told her we were already spilt and the relationship and arguments were bad, she said in the police report that my ex was demonstrating "unhealthy behaviours" to the police, asked if he was threatening to me, again I repeated that the arguements were awful and I wasn't allowing my child to witness any longer.
She was happy with my approach my ex already had his own home and closed the case within 20 minutes phone call.
We remained spilt up, my son saw dad EOW and over time we built a healthy co parenting relationship (all arrangements were informal) we had an "odd family day out" but I didn't want to as my ex seemed to have other girls on the go and I didn't want to be part of that circus.
Fast forward 5 years and since September we have been getting closer, during this time we have completed a healthy relationship course, parenting triple AAA course and I done the freedom project (all of our own backs, no recommendations from SS) and our son is doing well. I was made homeless last year and my council helped find me a place in Peterborough, I didn't have much choice and I always wanted to move out of London so I took it.
My ex comes to visit once a month for the weekend and I make the journey 2 times a month down to London and my son stays with his dad for the weekend and I see him for one of those weekends as well
We have discussed getting back together and the what's and how's it would work. He doesn't want to move to Peterborough because of his work and we couldn't move to London because my ex has a studio flat (large but not sufficient for 3 people) and not only that - I'm wary of SS getting involved.
I suppose we have both grown up alot, we approach things differently and we are done with how our lives used to be.
Shall should I approach this? My friend said not to bother contacting them as I had no input and the conversation was done in 20 mins while my sister said ring them and ask.
What should I do?

Re SS they won't be interested unless something new happens

They won't get back involved.

However, from my experience, violent men don't change. They just don't.
I don't know why that is, but it is fact I have observed many times in my life.

Once another fight happens and the police get involved, SS WILL get involved again and then it could very likely go straight away to a child protection conference, if they feel the threshold is met.

Also, the fact that you're swearing at posters on here, who give you friendly advice, makes me worry that things could escalate quickly again if you get back into a relationship.

@Moonshinebaby I've seen plenty of people swearing on this site, Op and Pp I'd like to say that swearing on a comment is completely different to swearing at her directly. The advice wasn't advice, she was picking at my post trying to find anything that she thought would stick. I have said numerous times that this would be taken slow, not rushed, he isn't moving in nor am I moving we realise the implications of things and that's why I haven't "shacked" up with him.
Yes we have feelings for each other however if we have to carry on as we are then we will. Asking me if he has "other girls" on the go is not relevant to my questions, I simply gave the backstory......
People do change, I do think they can I've seen a huge change in him, he's grown up and regrets the arguements as much as me.
Neither of us want the police at the door, I was mortified we didn't speak for months we used a co parenting app - I was livid.
I've taken everyone's points on board and thanks for all your responses

Just carry on as you are
Don't give up your life in Peterborough
He won't give up his flat for you so why should you?
It s not so far to travel

@cestlavielife I'm not moving, I've said that we are settled.
Another option is homeswap, he has a council flat he would be made to give that up, I couldn't even get a council home in London hence why I'm in Peterborough.
Carrying on as we are will be fine, hopefully in time he will be able to move closer to help with school/see son alot more in the future

Yes the onus is on him to do the swap and get himself a place near his son.
Keep living separately for now.

@cestlavielife that's the plan, no rush to move him in nor does he want to. We've lives separate for 5 years now, it would be nice to have him closer of course just for the help, not for a relationship. Even if we did enter into one then living arrangements would stay separate and as PP said we wouldn't let our son know we were together we would simply carry on the way we have the last 5 years until we were certain and if this takes years then so be it.

Op he's physically and verbally abused you. Men who do this don't do it because of 'a lot going on' they do it because they feel entitled to do it and because they choose to do it. Because they want you to be intimidated so you'll do more for them. Then when they are losing control - they turn on the charm and further prove they know exactly what they're doing by suddenly being a great partner or Co parent. That's not something you grow out of- that's just a narcissistic personality. I think if things are good as they are then you leave them at that for your sons sake.

If you do get back together and then his true colours show again where is your son in that? What does he learn about relationships from that?

Bad idea op don't do it.

@Newsingle trust me, he never suddenly became a good co parent the first year after we spilt wasn't so good.
The relationship wasn't "typically abusive" (apart from the 2 pushes) he just used to take the piss and not take his responsibilities seriously.
I'm not saying he will be a great partner, but I'm saying I can see changes and changes he kept at for years, this hasn't been a few months.
Like I've said I'm happy to stay as we are, things are good he's reliable and a good dad to our son, he might not have been a great partner 10 years or so but he has grown and learnt from his mistakes.
Thank you

Men don’t change!! What do you not get about that ??!

any man who has been violent to a woman is perfectly capable of doing it again.

Just wanted to update this as I feel such a fool.

No physical violence but not long after my post my ex started to act a little stange. Not coming up so much but still saying the right things to me to keep me on "side"
Anyway last week I found out he's in a relationship, it had been going on since November and he told me he's not in love with me and will always love me but he wants to be with this other woman.
She has 3 children under 10 and he said he will take them on.
He's completely changed, just gone refusing to do medation and has introduced my son to her (as his gf) behind my back
I'm not going to tell her/get involved in their relationship I'm not that sort of person however I can't help but feel so sad, I did tell him he manipulated me (he denies this and won't take on board everything he's been saying to me) all he keeps saying is "he's so happy, so I should go and be happy"
He's let our son down a few times since November and now I know why and also sort changed me when it comes to child maintenance.

I don't know what I want from this post, maybe just a rant I suppose

So what happens if issues happen again will you sweep it under the carpet and close your eyes to it? Is it because you want attention?