I have genuine concerns over the way my partner acts towards my son, how he talks to him and how he talks about him to me which causes argument after argument. He's always been a perfectionist with high expectations of us both, but the last 2 years it has been another level.
I'd be keen to hear others thoughts on this as I often wonder if it's me in my head...some examples are...
My son went back to school this week after the christmas break and was very upset going in - he loves being with us and i was expecting him to be upset. I comforted him, waited with him until he calmed down after a few minutes and when I turned around my partner had stormed off home, without saying a word to me or him.
He then proceeded to call him a lazy b*ard when I got home and that he never wants to do anything. He has also called him Fat and said the above because he has never shown an interest in sports, riding his bike or any classes we have taken him to - bearing in mind he is only 5 years old. My partner gets angry at him when he doesn't pick something up right away - for example swimming - he wants him to be good at everything without putting the time or effort into teaching him. During a holiday in October my partner said he wouldn't go in the pool with him unless he would swim (he only started lessons properly this year) so i spent the entire week in the pool with him as his Dad would let him go under and try to 'teach him the hard way'.
He is always short, snappy, harsh - and can never handle any of the 'negative emotions' my son shows. Whether that be crying, angry / tantrums, huffing or fussyness around food - it always sits on me to try to negotiate or calm the situation. In fact when he is showing any of those emotions, my partner taunts him and goads him which makes it worse and then it escalates to a full on meltdown that I need to calm down, everytime. It's like having two children.
He also doesn't do much around the house, my to do list like many mothers is 1000 list long whereas he very much sees to himself, has never taken my son for a day out alone, never organises any play dates or fun things to do, wasn't interested in making christmas or new year special for him or me, it was all down to me, and I am at a point where i cannot breathe. He also went out at the weekend and got home at 7am after going back to an after party (he is late 30's and whilst he goes out alot, that was unusual) he isn't cheating but was up drinking and god knows what else all night, which meant the day after he spent in bed and yet again I solo parented all day. When i asked him why he did thast he replied 'because i wanted to'. WTF? He has a football season ticket so spends alot of Saturdays or Sundays away, never just for the game, it always involves the pub before and after, unless he is hungover and will sometimes take the car - always for a pint after though.
We own our house together and the area we live in near our sons school is very expensive so I would struggle to buy somewhere on my own but it could be possible. I just really don't want to unsettle my son who is a sensitive little soul, but on the other hand his dads behaviour is starting to shape him. What does everyone think? Am i going mad? Is this normal? Have you experienced anything similar? I'm at my wits end and fail to see how any grown man his age cannot recognise his behaviour or wrongdoings? I've suggested therapy before but of course, he doesn't need it. He won't leave the house, won't even sleep on the sofa when I don't want him near me......argh, help!