Leaving a child at the airport

[Longboardpedro]

I have 3 kids with my wife. She is from Germany but we live in the UK. She had tickets to head back to see family for new years.

Unfortunately my eldest daughter only had 2 months left on her passport so when they reached the final gate for departure, my eldest was turned away from flying.

I had to collect her and bring her home whilst my wife carried on with her trip to germany with the 2 other kids. My eldest was heartbroken.

I was shocked, as this is something I could never do. We either all go or no one goes is how I approach things but keen to get some feedback from other parents on their opinions if that was OK?

She booked the trip.
Therefore she should have checked the passports.

The admin of a trip should lie with the person booking it.

Book some flights another time so your 9yo can go to Germany. Once her passport is renewed. You can make it a fun father/daughter experience OP. Really big it up so she realises it's a genuine oversight and you'll make it up to her.

'We either all go or no one goes is how I approach things'.

Well, not quite. You weren't going.

Did you actually mean, she either takes all the kids or she doesn't go, otherwise I'm left to parent a child and I was looking forward to some child free time and my selfish wife has ruined my plans?

Difficult decision when your bags are checked and off to the destination, presumably full of gifts. I don’t know how easy it is to get them and the gifts inside back.

Feels like some missing context too somewhere here. I don’t think some of the negative replies are only to do with being a man as if it had been a woman then immediate questions would have been asked about why you weren’t going OP.

I would never leave an upset 9 year old alone at an airport though but I presume you sorted a lovely week with the two of you.

we would have suspected a man because how many mothers do you know would be fine waving off their three young children children to another country for a week over christmas?

Well clearly the wife of the OP is.
Hence one waves off for a week whilst left behind.

My ex sil would wave off her children whilst she went off to see her family in another country. The children stayed with their dad.

If someone has to work and can't get time off why should the rest of the family not get to go away?

While we're speculating, one wonders whether some posters would be quite so willing to believe a tall sounding sequence of events had OP not said he was a man...

It was your wife’s responsibility to check the passports, not yours. My DH has taken my DD on trips abroad without me and I have had nothing to do with the admin. He wants to take the trip, he takes responsibility for it.

You say that your DD was left at the departure gate by her mother, she must have been distraught. I would never have walked away from my young DD, leaving her in a strange and confusing environment, in the care of strangers.

If I had made the passport error I would have viewed the trip being postponed and the cost of new flights as the natural consequence that I had to bear, and learned to be more careful in future. Your wife chose to make her 9 year old child bear the consequence of her error.

I’m sure that your upset is not because your plans have been ruined but because you have had to help your DD recover from her abandonment.

I wonder if she will have permanently lost trust in her mother?

Not three children but yes, I have a friend with two children who goes to her home country without her husband at all times of year, he has a job that is busy at this time of year.

Is the number of children the key factor for you?

Not a chance in hell would I have left my 9 year old child at an airport and carried on without them. Appalling behaviour!

We either all go or no one goes - but you weren't going ??? I don't think it's nice to leave them behind but the passports should of been checked and that's as much your responsibility as your wife's

have you ever come across a mother waving off her three young children and husband for a week to another country over christmas?

Have you ever come across a mother (or father tbh) waving off her upset young child at an airport, at the last minute due to an error in their part, whilst they fly off fo another country over the Christmas break taking her siblings along?

I haven't.

Assuming the family were travelling from the UK and going directly to Germany it's three months not six.

@DreamW3aver
So the OP's post doesn't make sense if that's the case, does it?

Or you're saying passport control got it wrong?

I wouldn't do this at 9. She was stopped at the last gate stopped, how long was your DD alone before you got there? Unless she could hand hef over to you I really don't think this is appropriate, I know my 12 year old wouldn't feel ok being left alone in a busy airport and she'd be really upset by this too. She happily stays at home alone for most of the day, but busy airport really is a different situation. I think if you said the age from the start you might have gotten different answers. I was imaging at least a tween, preferably early teen. 13 up I'd say this was OK, still not something I'd do but understandable. 9 is too young to do this.

In our house, whoever is taking the trip is responsible for tickets and passports. No need to make it into something it's not.

It's irrelevant if it's 3 months or 6 months.
The child only had 2 months left in their passport.

Agree with this! I wonder how the responses would differ if this had been the dad who had left the child. It would be all LTB!!!

Some posters are talking about the child being left alone at the airport. Did this happen or did the wife wait with the 9 year old for the OP to return?

I'd be interested to know what "lesson" the 9 year old has learned?
From her perspective the lesson could be, that she can't trust her Mum. I'm not saying that's inevitable but that's a definite possibility.

Of course it's important that children learn that adults are fallible and make mistakes. And dealing with difficult situations is a life skill. But from the dd's perspective, the person who cocked up suffered no consequence. In the panic at the airport, the child's feelings were disregarded. You can't expect a 9 year old to be pragmatic in a stressful situation like that!

Some children will be fine with an apology and compensatory activities. But some will not. Some will feel genuinely unsettled by having been left. Some will genuinely feel that they ve lost trust and this can create anxiety. Being bright and breezing and smoothing over those feelings is not the best approach for all.

And before I get jumped on for creating entitled snowflakes, I'm not saying indulge the dd in a pity party or slag off her dm. I'm saying children are individuals.

I don't think this is the full story @Longboardpedro

What was the plan next?

Did you get a new passport for your daughter so she could fly out with you, later?

Did you spend Christmas together without your wife and other children?

How old is she?
you are both to blame to not check passports and rules before travelling
and she’s not alone she is with her dad
im not sure I think she’s unreasonable
i understand the decision that she made in order to see family and keep her plans
I can’t say I blame her for that
however still think you both unreasonable for not checking the passports first

Same. This did not happen as OP described it.

Perhaps it's not totally invented. Perhaps it's embellished instead, like maybe they noticed the DDs passport that morning before they got to the airport and OP has added the final gate stuff for drama, get people on his side or whatever. But the stated sequence of events, nope.