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Original poster

Leaving a child at the airport

463 replies

Longboardpedro · 31/12/2024 05:57

I have 3 kids with my wife. She is from Germany but we live in the UK. She had tickets to head back to see family for new years.

Unfortunately my eldest daughter only had 2 months left on her passport so when they reached the final gate for departure, my eldest was turned away from flying.

I had to collect her and bring her home whilst my wife carried on with her trip to germany with the 2 other kids. My eldest was heartbroken.

I was shocked, as this is something I could never do. We either all go or no one goes is how I approach things but keen to get some feedback from other parents on their opinions if that was OK?

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Justgorgeous · 31/12/2024 08:49

I would have done the same.

mitogoshigg · 31/12/2024 08:50

I do think that was really mean of her mother, I couldn't have done that but on the other hand I'm organised about these things so wouldn't have happened

Gloriia · 31/12/2024 08:51

rookiemere · 31/12/2024 08:49

I am surprised people think it was a joint responsibility to check validity of passports when the OP wasn't taking the trip.

I doubt he would have been expected to if he had been female, so it does feel like double standards.

Yes the person doing the traveling is surely responsible for checking documents. What next, she hadnt reserved seats so that's the ops fault too that they weren't seated together?

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DaisyChain505 · 31/12/2024 08:53

“We either all go or no one goes”

well that’s not correct because you weren’t going.

you both fucked up by not checking the passport and if there was one parent already at home I see no issue with her continuing the trip with the other children.

forgotmyusername1 · 31/12/2024 08:53

This happened to me when I was 16
I was going skiing with my parents and got stopped at Dover.

My sister was at university in Canterbury so my dad dropped me at my sisters house and then went skiing. I urged them to do it as it seemed silly all of us missing out

I had fun with my sister for a week (even if most of my luggage was more suited to the alps), my cousin came and joined us for a few days to keep me company while my sister was in class. Its a good memory for me

It is what you make of it.

duvetday0006 · 31/12/2024 08:54

I don’t really see an issue with this. Annoying situation and a shame for your eldest but no point wasting what’s been organised if everyone else can travel? And your wife/wife’s family will have been looking forward to it.

happy new year when it comes xx

GoldenSunflowers · 31/12/2024 08:54

Gloriia · 31/12/2024 08:48

She frequently travels with the kids to Germany, so clearly they can afford these frequent trips. She should've rearranged. Who leaves a 9yr behind because no-one has bothered to check that the passports are valid.

Show quote history

I was taking issue with “cheap as chips” flights to Germany. Whether they can easily afford them or not at any cost, that’s a different matter.

EasternEcho · 31/12/2024 08:54

BackinBlack24 · 31/12/2024 08:31

We either all go or no one goes - but you weren't going ??? I don't think it's nice to leave them behind but the passports should of been checked and that's as much your responsibility as your wife's

Surely, in this context it means all those who planned on going on a holiday together? If a group plan to go together then leaving one of them behind becomes a problem. Not someone who was not going in the first place.

chollysawcutt · 31/12/2024 08:55

I had to collect her and bring her home whilst my wife carried on with her trip to germany with the 2 other kids. My eldest was heartbroken.
I was shocked, as this is something I could never do.

This sounds like a very stressful situation and one that had to be resolved quickly. However, your language around it suggests that you and your wife are quite judgmental of each other and perhaps not very happy: 'had to' , 'shocked', 'I could never do'.

It doesn't seem as if you have each other's backs. I imagine there was blame on both sides, which may partly explain why your child is 'heartbroken' and you had to 'pick up the pieces'.

SmallBox · 31/12/2024 08:56

Get your kids German passports then it won't matter how many days are left as long as it's in date.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/12/2024 08:58

The moment you implied you were a man, you were already wrong for whatever transpired.

First response as case in point *Do you want me to condemn your wife....

Depends on the costs, reasons for flying, other plans for DD to follow etc.

Not ideal to leave a 9 year old who totally understands. You say you've been picking up the pieces for the week, so sucks for her that she couldn't follow.

Memyselfmilly · 31/12/2024 08:59

SmallBox · 31/12/2024 08:56

Get your kids German passports then it won't matter how many days are left as long as it's in date.

Only the mother could apply for that

sashh · 31/12/2024 08:59

rainbowstardrops · 31/12/2024 06:27

This is my thinking too. What had you planned to do while your family was away? Does having your 2 year old around, mess up your plans?!
I'm surprised you weren't at the airport to at least see them off but I'm sure there was a good reason.

Show quote history

I doubt the eldest of three children is 2.

RareMaker · 31/12/2024 09:01

I wouldn't do that either personally.

ThisOldThang · 31/12/2024 09:02

PartyWhatParty · 31/12/2024 08:36

I can’t understand some of the responses here. The OP has been admonished for not checking his DD’s passport (turns out mum and children go to Germany regularly so mum looks after their passports), not being at the airport to say goodbye (he was but then left to come home and turned back to collect his daughter), been shamed for not wanting to spend time with his daughter and been accused of being annoyed as he won’t get to do his own thing and his fun alone time has been curve balled by having to parent. Meanwhile mum who couldn’t take her 9yr old daughter to Germany has had an easy ride

Don't forget that one poster has also accused him of being annoyed because he was planning some extramarital sex. 🙄

localnotail · 31/12/2024 09:04

I think leaving her behind was cruel, she got punished for something that was not her fault. Really, all should have stayed behind, renew the passport and go later together. But I understand that could have been too expensive. So, I would have collected the child, renewed her passport and got her on the flight to Germany asap to reunite with mum and siblings. You can have passport renewed in a day, it would cost something like £200.

And, tbh, both your wife and you need to try harder. Sorry.

MsNeis · 31/12/2024 09:04

Longboardpedro · 31/12/2024 06:32

Thanks for the replies.

Yes I had dropped them at the airport, but had to head back to collect her.

It's nice to get other people's opinions as its not something I would do. I wouldn't go without all my children and would just book flights for another time.

But it's nice to gauge that the majority would do this. Thanks for the feedback

I agree with you: I would have never gone without one of my children.

SmallBox · 31/12/2024 09:04

Memyselfmilly · 31/12/2024 08:59

Only the mother could apply for that

Show quote history

Well yes. I meant the kids should have them in general not that he is personally responsible for completing a German passport application. 🙄

Hiphiphurrayfordishwashers · 31/12/2024 09:06

Longboardpedro · 31/12/2024 05:57

I have 3 kids with my wife. She is from Germany but we live in the UK. She had tickets to head back to see family for new years.

Unfortunately my eldest daughter only had 2 months left on her passport so when they reached the final gate for departure, my eldest was turned away from flying.

I had to collect her and bring her home whilst my wife carried on with her trip to germany with the 2 other kids. My eldest was heartbroken.

I was shocked, as this is something I could never do. We either all go or no one goes is how I approach things but keen to get some feedback from other parents on their opinions if that was OK?

I personally wouldn’t have gone and left one distressed child behind. It’s up to the adults to check her passport. My parents would n’t have been happy if I’d done it either they would have told me to stay with oldest child and all come over later in the year. It’s not the end of the world though.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 31/12/2024 09:07

Rafting2022 · 31/12/2024 06:08

Why is it not their joint responsibility to check the passports?

Show quote history

Because if I was taking my kids on my own to visit my family overseas I wouldn’t expect my husband to pre-check their passports in advance, same as I wouldn’t expect him to organise the travel arrangements. It would be my responsibility, surely?

Clearinguptheclutter · 31/12/2024 09:07

My wife holds the passports as she frequently travels with the children to germany.

I’d be pissed off at wife for having not picked up on the fact that dd’s passport wouldn’t be accepted. She should have called you and consulted you before making the decision to go without her. I don’t get how this works in practice though they went all the way through security etc and at the gate they said no and the others just got on and left her? You can’t just leave a 9 year old on her own in the departures hall to navigate her way back out again and collect her luggage etc.
Unless she was accompanied by a staff member.
all sounds quite weird and odd

DorothyStorm · 31/12/2024 09:08

We either all go or no one goes is how I approach things
This also made me laugh.

tricky, if we were going on holiday I wouldn't have gone without a child. But to see family and leave the older with her dad, not as big a deal. She wasn't abandoned, she was with her dad

Could you not have got her a passport and sent her late?

also, if you are British and she is German, why on earth do the children not have a European passport?

forgotmyusername1 · 31/12/2024 09:08

localnotail · 31/12/2024 09:04

I think leaving her behind was cruel, she got punished for something that was not her fault. Really, all should have stayed behind, renew the passport and go later together. But I understand that could have been too expensive. So, I would have collected the child, renewed her passport and got her on the flight to Germany asap to reunite with mum and siblings. You can have passport renewed in a day, it would cost something like £200.

And, tbh, both your wife and you need to try harder. Sorry.

Children's passports can't be renewed in a day. Minimum is 7. This is to prevent child abduction

pensionsums · 31/12/2024 09:09

Hang on.....this doesn't make sense. If they were at the final fate for boarding, from a safety perspective, she wouldn't be able to still board and just leave a 9 year old standing there alone? If you came back to the airport to get her, you wouldn't be allowed to go air side, so your wife would have to bring your daughter back to you, by which time the flight would have gone. And how on earth would she even be able to go back through security the wrong way?

Unless you can explain the logistics, I don't think this can be real.

theduchessofspork · 31/12/2024 09:09

There was nothing else she could have sensibly done - it would be crazy to disappoint 3 kids rather than one, and it was an opportunity for you and your eldest to have a bonding week, with a bit of luck.

Instead of condemning her for this your energy would be better spend organising the family admin to avoid mistakes like this in future - the fact it happened is your joint responsibility