I feel like a failure because I can’t cope anymore

[Anasjwj]

Baby is 6 months ebf since for context and I’m desperate for help I’m doing this alone with little family help as they’re all elderly, and I’m really struggling I’m having very very bad days where I just feel like I can’t coupe
anymore, please no judgement I’m a first time mum this is all new to me and I just want to do a good job but it’s so hard

Ever since my daughter was born she has never slept; I’m talking a newborn baby that was constantly wide awake no matter what I tried everyone even in my family was like this is so not normal for a baby to never sleep..
well it’s not changed even tho I was desperately clinging on to the hope she would grow out of this with many times I’ve tried

I’ve spoken to the doctor the health visitor I’m so at my wits end now I’m trying to sell things which no one’s bloody buying.. like my laptop so I can afford private help or sleep consultant they say stick to a routine which I do, leave her in her bed if she’s awake but not crying which I do, but ends up into crying hysterically so I get her up, pick up put down , putting her in her bed drowsy but awake
white noise, pink noise, brown noise; night light no night light dummy no dummy ANYTHING you can think of
she will typically wake 9/10 am, sometimes earlier sometimes later ( I adjust bedtime accordingly) we have milk as soon as she wakes I go downstairs get my breakfast eat that she’ll play then get moody so she’ll have a nap maybe for 10 mins then it’s done. And it’s a contact nap no chance getting her in the bed in the day if I do it’s wide awake again no hope getting her back to sleep
then I’ll try 2/3 times more to get her to nap through the day when she’s clearly tired/ upset but she won’t, sometimes in the baby carrier she will for maybe 30 mins which is amazing

problem is I’m utterly sleep deprived beyond belief,I’ve stopped myself driving at this point as I am constantly tired and struggling,
at night she’ll fall asleep no problem 8/9 pm ( I’ve tried earlier I’ve tried later) we have a routine play bath bed and feed either before or after bath
she’ll fall asleep straight away as she’ll exhausted from 30min sleep all day maximum, so after that she’ll go in her bed but after 30 mins, she’ll wake constantly 45-1 hourly then at 11pm she’s up for hours. I’m talking 4/5 hours lately that’s how late it’s been so now the routine is fked as I’m so desperate for any sleep I can get we’re not getting up till maybe 11 as I’m desperate for any sleep I can get now she’ll sleep maybe 5-9 but still wake crying every 40/1hr so I am getting absolutely little to no sleep it’s been like this for months I can’t take anymore I feel unwell everyday I feel weak sooo weak, dizzy and have a constant headache, sometimes I hope I pass out and have to stay in hospital just to get a break I 100% have ppd but only because of the little sleep
how can I possibly give me 100% when I get no sleep how am I even alive with such little sleep everyday my family constantly say I have lawful, bags under my eyes like I’ve never had before I’ve even turned very grey at 22 years old..
I can’t co sleep as I’ve tried before I couldn’t get sleep as I was so worried and she definitely over heats on my mattress despite little clothing !
ahy help as to why this is happening??? I’m exhausted it’s making me really really down
im getting baby weighed again soon by the hv, if I truly explain how dark and down I’m feeling what will happen? Will they take baby off Me I’m scared about that.. but honestly I just need sleep:( I also get no time to myself

Yeah hold on to that thought you will sleep again and she will sleep too, …but in the meantime it is bloody hard, totally natural to struggle, am very sorry you aren’t getting more support

I literally just started with weetabix in the morning and then moved on from there slowly.

i think even if you gave a bottle wt like 6/7 and then breakfast at 9/10 wouldn’t be a bad thing sort of thing I literally can’t remember how I did it two and a half years ago.. I didn’t do baby lead though I did pouches and bome
made blended and then eventually built it up to things like toast etc… the morning bottle is the first one that went for me. But food is fun from 6-12 months but it’s good to start at 6 months just to encourage it etc and also it’ll be filing for them so they may sleep better.

Agree with this. From 6m they need some food.
Ebf is exhausting, well done for keeping it up for such a long time! I found it way more tim consuming than BF, it's like having the cons of both bf and bottles...
Could you move to a formula now than you're weaning just to give yourself some extra rest time instead of having to express? Also (I know it's hard) try and keep your own nutrition up as well. I struggled with that the first time around too. High calorie foods?
Hang in there, it gets better xx

I know it's not popular on here but in these circumstances I would start thinking about sleep training.

I'd also start getting her up earlier in the morning instead of letting her sleep so late - I get why you're doing it, you must be so exhausted and desperate, but it could be that she's getting too much of her sleep in the morning instead of at night.

Could you also start giving her a dream feed before she wakes up at 11pm to see if you can extend that sleep a bit?

Also agree with others who suggest some solids during the day to help fill her up.

I'd also recommend the Huckleberry app as that gives guidance on wake windows and the best times to put them down/get them up. I used it for two of mine and it's well worth the £10 a month or whatever it costs.

You poor thing. I promise it'll get better.

I know you've said you're worried about cosleeping, but I wouldn't have survived otherwise. I put my mattress on the floor, had a duvet only on my legs, and then a thick cardie for my top half (so I could still pop a boob out easily!). I'm a bit older than you, though, and my boobs are nice and saggy, so he slept actually on the boob most of the night (point blank refused an actual dummy, of course).

Mine also hated the pushchair, but I persevered with this (seat reclined not fully flat, put my headphones in, quick march!) as it was the only way to get him to sleep during the day, and this actually ended up being really positive, as it meant we could go out for the day and he would still nap in the buggy.

I had to stay walking long enough to push through the first wake up after 30 mins and get him into a deeper sleep. I was really lucky that I was then able to wheel the buggy easily into the hallway then have a nap on the sofa. And I had to leave the tv/radio on because he'd wake up if it was too quiet!

I EBF for 4 months. My baby was very similar to yours. Shit sleep and very cranky all day every day. I was in a terrible state.

Honestly what saved me was switching to formula. He was a different baby straight away and clearly hungry. I had milk but not enough to sustain him.

I would try that first - as well as weaning. She's probably hungry.

Thanks everyone, I’m still massively struggling I did reach out to the doctors and waiting to start some counselling however I just really am struggling.. I won’t have to wait long for the counselling but I don’t really think it will help, I need sleep and support and there’s no sign of that coming anytime soon…

and since I moved baby to cot a few weeks ago as she outgrew her next to me it’s been even worse as she dumps her dummy out constantly on the floor, rolls all the way over when she doesn’t want to etc it’s even worse, she’s extra whingy it’s really unbearable, I somehow feel worse and worse as the days go on and feel like mr life will never get better

I'd really try Co sleeping to get you both some sleep. Look at the lullaby trust for the guidance.

Get her weaned onto porridge for breakfast, that'll help with less feeds.

You're a fantastic mum and trying your best. Lots of people wouldbe struggling with family support in your situation, you're superwoman doing it without.

Put a few extra dummies in the cot so she can reach one if one falls out.

If you can afford it try the ready made formula for a couple of feeds. It made a difference for me (although he's 14 now so difficult to remember!)

Take the side off her cot and push it up against your bed, that is what i have done, my little girl has just gone a year so i will be putting the side back on and trying again with self soothing xx

One thing people do not warn you about is that some babies are easier and more content than others. It's not anything you do or don't do it's just you have a baby that is more difficult to settle and needs less sleep. Do you get baby out in the fresh air during the day most days? Fresh air during the day helps and aids night time sleep. Does baby get enough exercise in a chair bouncer to help to tire it out? If not you could try getting it one. As it gets older you could try a door frame bouncer the baby can sort of jump up and down in when old enough. Would one of your relatives take your baby for a walk in their pram once a week so you can catch up on a couple hours of sleep? If they would, don't be afraid to ask for support. Can the Dad help at all?

I've just remembered when my first born, my DD could not sleep I put her in her car seat and drove her around for a bit until she dropped off. Maybe if you have a car you could try that.

I'm another one who thinks it might be hunger. If you're so very desperately tired your body will be struggling to produce enough milk at this stage I think. Even just a bottle of formula last thing may mean she sleeps for a good few hours at night and if you plan to go to sleep at the same time then that's something.

I really feel for you. It is a form of hell. But you sound like a good mum and she's lucky to have you. You will get through this. Try to forget about what you SHOULD be doing at this stage and just concentrate on getting through with whatever works best for you.

Is there a Home Start in your area. Without any judgement they will try and pair you with a mum whose children have grown up to offer help. They usually also have some sort of mother and baby group to meet other mums.