SAHMs can I ask you a personal question?

[naturelover]

It's about money, that great taboo. Still, at least we're anonymous on MN.

How do you manage money in your household? Does your DP/DH give you an "allowance" or do you just spend out of a joint account? Do you struggle with being financially dependent? Do you find yourself feeling guilty for spending money on yourself? Have you had to make big sacrifices as a family in order for you to be a SAHM and are you happy with your decision?

Is it realistic for me to try and earn money on weekends/evenings, or will it just make us both resentful about lack of time to relax? DH works long hours Mon-Fri and hardly sees DD. We are both exhausted (him long hours at office, me long days of housework and childcare).

My mat pay is about to run out. I've been just about managing on the statutory amount but when it falls to zero I'm not sure how it'll be.

I'd really appreciate your honesty on this issue. I realise it's highly personal though.

We have a joint account (child benefit goes into), dhs account where he gets paid and I have an account which is more or less empty!

Anyway we have a weekly budget, food shopping goes onto the credit card which dh pays each month and with the weekly budget we split it in half and spend as we choose though really there is no sense of his and hers money as we spend it on ourselves/each other family anyway!

There is no resentment from me because for now I am happy being a SAHM, I used to work for families and children so feel I am saving myself the child care fees besides why would I want to work only to pass on the baby to someone else (child minding doesn't appeal)

Money is seens as our money, when I used to work I would share it too, it works for us.

Uriel - thought a lot about what you said yesterday and talked to DP.

We have decided he will pay money into joint account for all bills, joint spending, food etc.

We'll both have 200 each a month in our own accounts and DP's extra money he'll put into the saving account.

If I earn more than 200 from freelance (didn't really put this into context yesterday, ie this month I should earn 475 - if everytone pays up!), I'll put this into the saving account too.

I think this is much more fair. I'm also pleased we'll both have our own money, rather than one joint account, purely because we have very different ideas about what to spend our money on.

I haven't read the thread but dp is a SAHM during the day and I work full-time.

We have separate accounts and I put £400 into her account every month. I pay most of the bills, council tax, mortgage and dp pays for all the food shopping, birthday presents for parties, the phone bill and TV license. She also works part-time 3 evenings a week and on Sundays and I think gets about £500 a month for that.

As long as we each manage (kind of) to cover everything we don't know what the other spends any surplus (ha, ha) on. It works well and we've never felt the need to have a joint account.

The idea one day is that when both ds's are older and at school full-time, dp may get a job during the day and if it's better paid, I wouldn't put the same amount into her account. But it's flexible and we're happy with how it works.

It would be nice one day to be able to have some kind of savings account though - at the moment everything we both earn goes straight out again I think if our finances changed we might set up a joint savings account - but that's possibly many years ahead...!

We have a joint current account, which a proportion of DH's salary goes into each month + I have my own current account into which the child benefit, tax credits and the monthly interest from our savings accounts go. I also have my own credit card which DH pays off at the moment. I don't take the piss with spending, and always consult DH on big purchases, but I don't have to account for everything I spend.

I don't like being financially dependent - I've always worked hard for my own money - but it's only for a short period (I'm going back to work next year, I think, so will have been off for 3 years in total), so I don't get too het up about it. I think DH's decent attitude towards the whole thing makes it easier, too. he doesn't see it as 'his money'. He 'gets' the fact that I am saving us childcare expenses and doing a great thing for our family.

In all honesty, though, DH earns a good salary, and that makes things a tad easier. I wouldn't say we have had to make huge sacrifices for me to be an SAHM. However, that's purely because we know it is a short term thing. If I were to become a SAHM in the long term, our lifestyles would have to change quite drastically.

If you can fit P/T work into your life as a SAHM, why not? Just think about why you are doing it? Are you doing it for 'pocket money' for yourself? Are you doing it in order to contribute towards household costs? Do you enjoy being at home or not? How does your DH feel about you staying at home rather than working? If you both agree that your being a SAHM for a while is best all round, could you work your finances out in a way that gives you more control? These are all thing you need to discuss with your DH.

Laugs - sounds a lot more balanced. Glad you've found a way that suits you.

Hi - I'm a SAHM and definitely a fab decision, although, as you've worked out it can be financially very tight.

As time has gone on I've taken it upon myself to be more frugal, canny, financially scheming and it's working. Basically, dh gets paid into our current/joint account. I then have approx 30 other accounts (all e accounts opened from the main current account - Nationwide - very simple!) with titles such as car tax, car insurance, house insurance, school dinners, ds/dd gymnastics etc which I pay into every month - this covers the annual amount required (more or less) so that nothing is an awful shock at the end of the month! Each of my e accounts are in my name and hence I pay no tax on them and they are higher interest than the current account(April 5th is a nice time in my house as the interest comes in) I basically keep a very close eye on what's going out and in and as the month goes on I start to raid odd accounts that perhaps don't matter as much (a few 'nice to have' savings) I also have a few basic rules:

1. Meal plan every week - saves wasting food.
2. Do Tesco shop weekly - the points pay for the odd Sunday meal out at Cafe Rouge! (points are worth 4x more at other outlets)
3. Shop at Oxfam and ebay for clothes
4. Sell on ebay
5. Check on ebay/online before buying anything 'out of the ordinary'!
6. Check voucher codes sites before buying anything from the internet (especially Tescos)
7. Put everything onto a credit card - I have an american express nectar card - I get a point on every £1 a spend, everywhere. Every 2 days I transfer the bill amount from my current account to the amex account (e account) so that I keep on top of it and most importantly earn interest on the amex money. The bill comes in and it's then covered and I just transfer directly from my bank to amex.
8. I pay off my bills every month WITHOUT FAIL as I refuse to pay interest for somebody else!

That's it reallyx

gosh, am feeling like I'm hopeless with money in comparison with other people! Organisation has never been one of my strong points...or budgeting for that matter...

DH's salary goes into our joint account and everything is paid out of this. We are reasonably comfortable but fail to put anything away to save. Saying that we have no debt, no credit cards and a savings account (with min. 3x DH's monthly salary) and ISAs. The savings account pays for extraordinary purchases eg, minor building work on the house or emergencies.
I do a bit of part-time work and so have a nanny one day a week. I pay for her out of my earnings, plus I use my own account for anything particularly expensive that I'm buying for myself eg, an expensive haircut or particularly nice bag etc. I do feel guilty about spending money on me but mainly becasue DH spends nothing on himself at all whereas I have tons of clothes etc. We don't have flash holidays (we like camping!) or a flash tastes generally however, plus I am lucky that DH is v generous and also not that interested in money. I'd rather have a DH who is around to be with the kids than lots of money and a husband I never see. We do need to get a pension sorted out however.
AM now pg for the third time so am determined to economise better this year. Only problem is, I can't bear cooking at the moment and am v fussy about food when pg so am spending all DH's hard-earned cash on M&S food!

We have joint everything - it doesn't make sense and nor would I wish to have to justify what I buy (DH wouldn't care either). Obviously if I'm buying a big thing I'd tell him, but similarly if he was buying a big thing he'd tell me too.

joint account, both see staements, joint CC both see statements. also each have a sole acc, so dh is paid into his sole then has a standing order into our joint acc. I am apid ( when I work- not often) into my sole acc that is is then used for my business expences- ie childcare and nice things in life like holidays. Dhs sole acc buys gadgets he wants and savings.
everyday fun stuff like my running club, dhs cricket, kids activities, all come from joint acc.
Have nearly always had a diparity in incomes so running this way was established before I stopped working. We spend no ore than we have coming in, holiday according to how much I have earned or we have saved.
I think working all weekend and not spending time your dh and child as a family may not be a good thing. We all need a break sometimes, bit work aint a break.

I earn not a bean and dh's salary gets split as follows-
into a joint account to cover for all bills mortgage food etc

the left over gets plit equaly between us, half into his account half into mine and we spend it as we wish