AIBU RE DD Earpiercing

[alliesworld]

So I needed to write this as I'm so cross.
Context- My mum and her partner had taken my girls 5 and 3 away for what was supposed to be a lovely weekend in London to see a show and to see her partners grandchildren. Saturday came and I'm out shopping when I revieve a text message with a photo of my dd 3 year old in a chair in Claire's accessories of any places looking absolutely distraught with little gold studs in her ears! With the caption "christmas studs" sent off of my mums partners phone.

So I'm livid at this point that's my baby and they didn't even ask if it was ok.
I've rang her up and said are you joking at what point did you think this is acceptable,
My oldest doesn't have her ears pierced and when they where ready to have them done I was going to take them and me and my mother had had this discussion before.

She said she assumed it was like when you ask someone else to take your baby in for injections. Also something I've never done either!!!

Since then I've received messages off of my mother trying to guilt trip me by saying how much of a bad Grandma she is and the usual things she says in hopes we turn around and go "no your not"

I'm absolutely mortified and I feel like I can never trust her with my children again.

But could you trust her again?

I can still remember the day I had my ears pierced. I was only 5 and I don't think anyone asked me if I wanted them done. I hope.your daughter is ok. Make sure she knows it was nothing to do with you. I wouldn't be forgiving DM either.

So it's ok for granny to assault her by forcing a metal pin through her grandchild's earlobes?

I’m amazed that Claire’s went ahead and did them, unless they were under the impression grandma was in fact her legal guardian?
I also wrongly assumed you had to be over the age of 7 to get them pierced, I didn’t look into Claire’s but when my child asked for theirs to be done I looked into different piercing studios as I wanted them done with needle and all of them were age 7 or above for ears, age 13 for noses and 16 for anything else.
I made mine wait until they were starting high school because I wanted to check it wasn’t a passing phase, then the place we went to sat down before actually getting the ears done and went through what consent meant etc my child had to sign the forms as well as myself and they had to tell them who I was in relation to them etc
My youngest is only a little older then yours and I would be absolutely raging, those earrings would be coming out and no unsupervised trips would be taking place in the future, I honestly can’t believe she has had them done by her grandmother without your knowledge and consent.

Did you talk to Claire's Op ? It sounds like they contravened their own policy

This. A child has to be with a parent or legal guardian.

Wow. Definitely not BU. I would be making the decision for my child to remove them otherwise it is confirming to Mum she wasn't completely in the wrong.

This this this!!!

Claire’s accessories certainly DOES have a lot to answer for. If you know anything about piercing you’d know they are by far the worst place to go. Not only are they not a sterile environment, they are unable to properly clean the equipment between uses. The act of ramming a blunt piece of jewellery at high force through anyone’s ear lobe is dangerous and causes sometimes serious damage. The horrific “guns” they use have also been known to misfire and cause damage that way. They also do not know the first thing about what are correct/safe metals to be placed in an open wound like this.

take the god awful things out, let the child’s ears heal, and when she is older, her anatomy developed properly, and she is old enough to give her consent and have her own body autonomy respected, take her to a professional who will use a needle and appropriate jewellery.

Then, as others have said, never trust her alone with your child again. If she starts on “oh I’m a terrible GM” say firmly “yes, you are. You put your own enjoyment above the safety of my child and it won’t be happening again”

Please do remove these piercings and allow the child’s ears to heal. Then at an age appropriate time a professional can pierce them properly. This is very much in the best interest of your child and also their piercings!

here’s one article on what I was saying previously

safepiercing.org/piercing-guns/

Oh my god I would be furious!

Take the studs out when she gets home, she’s way too young to care for them properly and they will hurt. Don’t give in to your mother’s attempts to manipulate you into saying it’s ok - stay calm but firm and say ‘I’m very upset that you did this and I’m concerned that you thought it was ok without asking me’. And I wouldn’t let her have the children unsupervised again unless she has accepted what she did wrong and shown a change in behaviour regarding boundaries.

Formal complaint to Claire's for piercing without a parent present and I'd be 0 contact with her from now on! I would literally never speak to her again. She has gone for the 'better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission' approach which is bang out of order. I'm furious on your behalf, this would be unforgivable to me.

Out of prinicple to your mother i wouldnt. Your child is 3 and incapable of rationle decison making. What if she gets her ear caught kn something and rips them out 😲

Oh that is so wrong, wrong, wrong. How dare she? You have all my sympathy and understand how cross and upset you are. Could technically be classed as assault. She has lost your trust and probably her relationship with your daughters. Take the studs out when she comes home. Disgusting overstepping of responsibility. So sorry.
( seasoned grandma of girls here btw. )

I’d text her back with “Yes, you have been a bad grandmother and a bad mother.”

She is not their mother. Of course she has a role to play but not that one for goodness sake.

This is assault. She had no one’s consent and a 3 year old can’t consent. It’s beyond disgraceful. I was sat here imagining what I’d do if that was my DD when she’s that age, then I realised she is 3 and omg I can’t think of anything less appropriate.

Do Claire’s not sell clip on earrings? Why not get her a couple of pairs of them? I’m sure the novelty would have worn off by Christmas.

Plus they use guns in Claire’s which are so dangerous and bad for the ears.

I would just take them out. The top skin will heal over in a day or two, so you’ll no longer have an open wound and would be ok to swim.

I wouldn’t be speaking to my mum for a long time. She can’t even see what she’s done wrong!

A role to play????

YANBU!!!!!!

I would be fuming 😤

My response would very much be on the lines of… “yes you are a bad grandma! You completely overstepped the line. This was wildly inappropriate. You won’t be having access to the kids until further notice!”

She went to Claire’s of all places which is known for its questionable hygiene/practices in relation to ear piercing. The number of stories I have heard about incidents from this company regarding ear piercing complications would make me never go there for this. Ever!

Depending on your stance this could be deemed assault!

Please complain to Claire’s in writing!