AIBU RE DD Earpiercing

[alliesworld]

So I needed to write this as I'm so cross.
Context- My mum and her partner had taken my girls 5 and 3 away for what was supposed to be a lovely weekend in London to see a show and to see her partners grandchildren. Saturday came and I'm out shopping when I revieve a text message with a photo of my dd 3 year old in a chair in Claire's accessories of any places looking absolutely distraught with little gold studs in her ears! With the caption "christmas studs" sent off of my mums partners phone.

So I'm livid at this point that's my baby and they didn't even ask if it was ok.
I've rang her up and said are you joking at what point did you think this is acceptable,
My oldest doesn't have her ears pierced and when they where ready to have them done I was going to take them and me and my mother had had this discussion before.

She said she assumed it was like when you ask someone else to take your baby in for injections. Also something I've never done either!!!

Since then I've received messages off of my mother trying to guilt trip me by saying how much of a bad Grandma she is and the usual things she says in hopes we turn around and go "no your not"

I'm absolutely mortified and I feel like I can never trust her with my children again.

Unfortunately little one wants to keep them and I think since she's gone through the pain of getting them she may as well keep them in

I wouldn't be listening to the wishes of a 3 year old and to be honest keeping them in would be agreeing that it was an acceptable thing to do and your mum will likely see it as a victory.

I would be removing them even if your child says she wants to keep them. She's 3, she doesn't understand how long it will take to heal, and will be upset to miss out fun activities such as swimming. Also, as petty as it is, if you keep them in your mum will see it as a victory.

There are some awful things on here. But wow, goodness me that’s terrible of your mother. I would be so so upset. How could she even consider this without speaking to you.

Unfortunately little one wants to keep them and I think since she's gone through the pain of getting them she may as well keep them in so I'm going to be on ear cleaning duty.

This is a huge mistake.

She's 3. My 3 yr old wants "blue lollypop" every. Single. Day. She doesnt get it.

Remove them. If you leave them you send the message to your mother this was okay.
Its really not.
Remove them.

Hats so awful OP. You might find that the trip to Haven works in your favour and given a choice of going on the pool or keeping her earrings might be happy for them to be removed.
So sad that all the trust has now gone but I wouldn't be letting Grandma babysit again

This is a straight up no. 3 years old is to young to consent to this. Take them out. She wont really remember you taking them out, she will be upset for a bit but next week this will be a non issue.

Seriously I would be very concerned about what you mother was actually thinking. Huge breach trust.

I am slightly confused about the extent of your anger when you have said you have discussed ear piercing with your five year old and said you would take her when she's ready. On that basis perhaps your mother thought to strike while the iron was hot and get them.done when the child was willing as the concept isn't a "no" to you until the time the child can make up their own mind and take themselves independently to the shop.

I'd possibly not have spoken to my mother for a very long time if she'd had holes punched through dd's ears in a tacky shop, when dd was 3. But my mother knew that I would not countenance ear piercing on a child, as she didn't for me.

It is illegal its ABH
Tbh I'd demand the immediate return of my dc and would never allow her anywhere near my children ever again

This. Think of the infection risk, and the risk of them getting caught in the course perfectly normal toddler play. The likelihood of scarring from either is too high to chance it, quite apart from the message you would be giving your mother.

Is she normally a bit of an idiot, or is this a one-off?

Thinking about this a bit more, I'd go to the police about the shop.

It’s child abuse, isn’t it? Sticking a metal pole through a 3 year old’s ear lobes! She wouldn’t be seeing mine again, and there’d be legal action against Claire’s. I’m surprised they did it to be honest.

This.

There are no words for how furious I would be in this situation. And agree with the others - take them out! She might throw a tantrum or be upset for a short while but she will soon forget when she’s away and in the pool and especially with Christmas round the corner too.

I would actually be contacting them as well as removing the piercing.

They absolutely should not be piercing children without parental permission. In fact a quick look at their page says a parent or legal guardian should be there.

https://www.claires.com/piercing/ear-piercing/piercing-faq/?lang=en_GB

They have to have a licence from the council, they are probably in breach of it.

How the hell is a grandparent allowed to do this thing. I took my grandson to the library to register him. As his granny I can do this ,but he can only borrow 2 books at a time ( that's fine). If his actual parent upgrades the membership he can borrow 12. Thats just borrowing books !!! How on earth can a grandparent take a tiny child to a shop and have a shop assistant actually make holes in the ears of that child in the UK. How is that legal.

I am GM to a 4yo and my jaw is hitting the floor. How on earth did she think that she could make a decision like that and wtf were Claire’s doing piercing a 3yos ears without a parent present. Your mother does not have parental responsibility for your daughter so cannot actually give legal consent so I would put the fear of God into the branch who did it and threaten legal action for assault. My GD knows very well that “we need to check with mummy “ is the usual response if she wants anything out of the ordinary. I’m not especially precious but I would struggle to allow your mother to have your children unsupervised again for a very long time.

I would be contacting Claire's to flag up that as parent you didn't consent. It's so bad that they did this.

Isnt the point of not going in the pool because of the risk of infection through the new holes? Surely that risk remains even if the earrings are out, so it needs to be no swimming regardless?

Appalling behaviour.
But don’t take them out or she will have to go through it all again. Teach her to look after them and keep them clean.

I'd answer her messages saying she's such a bad grandmother in this sort of way

"Yes, in this instance you were. I didn't consent and DD was clearly distraught. You took her to a place that isn't reputable, you've risked her getting an infection and being unwell over Christmas. I don't think you'll be able to look after the children alone for a while. You know we're going on a trip this weekend and DD now cannot go in the pool, and you took away a decision that should have been made by me. This has shown a flaw in your judgment and I think you need some time to consider that."

And leave it at that. Mute her or block her and make sure she doesn't have unsupervised contact with the children again

at age 3?

She's 3. They should be removed.

3 year olds can't care for their earrings properly and she didn't know what she was consenting to. She's 3 of course they should be removed.

Yes, exactly. I wouldn't be taking them out without speaking to a qualified piercer either because it might be that they say there's a risk of infection getting trapped inside and you're better to leave them until they're healed? Like when a piercing is infected, they tell you not to take them out?

I'm fuming on your behalf, OP.

She is 3, take them out tonight when she is asleep. Leaving them in only condones your mothers behaviour.