AIBU RE DD Earpiercing

[alliesworld]

So I needed to write this as I'm so cross.
Context- My mum and her partner had taken my girls 5 and 3 away for what was supposed to be a lovely weekend in London to see a show and to see her partners grandchildren. Saturday came and I'm out shopping when I revieve a text message with a photo of my dd 3 year old in a chair in Claire's accessories of any places looking absolutely distraught with little gold studs in her ears! With the caption "christmas studs" sent off of my mums partners phone.

So I'm livid at this point that's my baby and they didn't even ask if it was ok.
I've rang her up and said are you joking at what point did you think this is acceptable,
My oldest doesn't have her ears pierced and when they where ready to have them done I was going to take them and me and my mother had had this discussion before.

She said she assumed it was like when you ask someone else to take your baby in for injections. Also something I've never done either!!!

Since then I've received messages off of my mother trying to guilt trip me by saying how much of a bad Grandma she is and the usual things she says in hopes we turn around and go "no your not"

I'm absolutely mortified and I feel like I can never trust her with my children again.

Take the studs out when she gets home and let your mum know she'll never be having the kids alone again

Wow that is absolutely not ok!
I would be absolutely furious

This would be a deal breaker for me. As soon as they came home I would be taking the earrings out, cleaning thoroughly and letting your Mum know she will never take them away again. The ears should heal quickly.

You are totally justified to be livid. Why would they pierce the 3yo ears and not the 5yos? Is she likely to have asked for it? Could it still be a joke? I would be demanding they return them home straightaway or go and get them. And yes, I would find it incredibly hard to trust them to be alone with them ever again.

I'd remove the earrings when she gets back and it would be a long time before they are allowed to babysit again

That is such an appalling breach of trust. Quite apart from the fact that it’s your decision whether or not to have your child’s ears pierced, it’s not at all a good idea to have such a young child’s ears pierced - they can catch earrings on play equipment etc and rip their ears, or put them in too tightly and the earrings can become overgrown, I once heard a heartfelt plea from an ear consultant in radio 4 begging parents not to think of having their ears pierced before they’re twelve - he said if they spent as much time as he did repairing children’s ears, they wouldn’t dream of allowing it to be done.

Thats awful!
I’d be telling your mother that she isn’t having the children again as she clearly cannot be trusted.

Poor you. I think it should be illegal to pierce a young child without parental permission. If they can't consent to medical treatment they can't consent to piercings. Your poor daughter.

What's with your mum? Was she wanting to create a fond childhood memory or something? What age did you and any siblings start to get piercings?

100% this.

There is absolutely no way she would be seeing my kids alone again. It's such a huge breach of trust!

Anyone who says you're overreacting is to be ignored. There is no way this women should be looking after your children if she thinks this is ok.

That’s not ok. I’d remove them when she gets back.

Not the scenario I was expecting at all. She was completely unreasonable and there's no way this could ever be an ok thing to do. I'm be furious. First poster got it, take the studs out and it'll be a very long time if ever before she baby sits again.

That’s horrendous. Does that shop not ask for parental consent? DH niece had it done age 7 there but SIL was there with her and had explained all to niece. She has to use tape for her activities and can take in and out herself now. She wasn’t allowed to get it done before 7 as parents didn’t think she was old enough to care for them. I would tell them they were out of order and not allow them to take children out alone till they are 25!!!

This ⬆️

What appalling abuse, in every sense of the word.

I cannot even express how angry I would be about this. You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I would take a break from seeing your mum for a long time.

Is your daughter's other parent in the picture, @alliesworld? If so, what was their reaction?

I’d be furious! Her guilt-tripping texts would do nothing to make me feel bad for her. I would either ignore or be inclined to say that this has not made her a good grandparent to be honest.

Thankyou for all your lovely messages.
My mother even said they went into a ear piercing shop prior and they said they wouldn't pierce until 7 and then actively went to seek out a Claire's, in all this time not thinking to ring me about it and ask my permission... I would have said no!

My oldest does not want her ears pierced yet so I'm glad she stood her ground because I can imagine they would have tried to get her to have them done.

She changed her story this morning from I didn't think to I didn't have signal.

My mum will not be seeing them alone after this. Definite breach of trust.

Also Claire's accessories have a lot to answer for its absolutely appalling you can take a young child into that shop with no birth certificate or anything to prove who they are or your relation to them.

Omg, OP out when they come home and keep clean. The is unbelievable and in shitty Claire's of all places. I think piercings should be more regulated!!

Husband is just as furious about the situation.

🤯🤯🤯
My anger would be palpable.

tell her she needs to bring the children back asap.

Remove the earrings immediately and swab and clean until healed.

I wouldnt see her or her "partner" at all over christmas.

No unsupervised visit at all with the kids and it would be reduced to easter birthdays and around xmas for a good while.

This is utterly awful.
Whether she was thinking or not her hudgement is clearly awful so no unsuperivsed contact ever again.

And fucking claires accessories would be getting a piece of my mind too

Re her texts my response would be. "I agree with you. You are a terrible grandmother. Id cant believe you would do this."

I know i told her if and when I was to take them to get their ears pierced it would not have been to Claire's... they have bare minimum training and I don't trust them with my child's delicate little ears!

Unfortunately little one wants to keep them and I think since she's gone through the pain of getting them she may as well keep them in so I'm going to be on ear cleaning duty. She's completely not even thought of the fact we are going on a family trip to haven this weekend and not will not be able to go in the pool!!! X x x

You're the mother. The little one doesn't get to keep the piercings. Just remove the studs and clean the wounds until they heal.

I was just thinking this. Formal complaint to Claire's and let them know you're considering legal action.

You're the mum. Tell her she's too young to have them, they will harm her ears, grandma shouldn't have done it and take them out.