AIBU RE DD Earpiercing

[alliesworld]

So I needed to write this as I'm so cross.
Context- My mum and her partner had taken my girls 5 and 3 away for what was supposed to be a lovely weekend in London to see a show and to see her partners grandchildren. Saturday came and I'm out shopping when I revieve a text message with a photo of my dd 3 year old in a chair in Claire's accessories of any places looking absolutely distraught with little gold studs in her ears! With the caption "christmas studs" sent off of my mums partners phone.

So I'm livid at this point that's my baby and they didn't even ask if it was ok.
I've rang her up and said are you joking at what point did you think this is acceptable,
My oldest doesn't have her ears pierced and when they where ready to have them done I was going to take them and me and my mother had had this discussion before.

She said she assumed it was like when you ask someone else to take your baby in for injections. Also something I've never done either!!!

Since then I've received messages off of my mother trying to guilt trip me by saying how much of a bad Grandma she is and the usual things she says in hopes we turn around and go "no your not"

I'm absolutely mortified and I feel like I can never trust her with my children again.

Cannot believe they even pierced a toddlers ears in the first place. The reputable independent places here say 10 plus.

Also neither parent with PR was there! I would make a complaint to the place too

She’s THREE!

Only when she's actually old enough. Upthread, 12 years old is the recommended minimum age, so plenty of time for them to heal and then she can decide for herself when she understands the implications.

With the messages saying 'I'm a bad Grandma'. I would absolutely reply, yes you are.

I agree with those saying take the earrings out. And let your 3 year old swim and enjoy herself.

She won’t want to keep them when you tell her that she can’t go in the pool, I suspect.

but more importantly: You’re her mother. You and the father are the ones that get to decide whether she’s old and responsible enough for earrings. And what 3 yo is?

an older child could tape over them during PE. But that’s not feasible for a 3 yo during playtime…

Remove them. She's 3 and won't care in a days time... she'll care more if she catches them, in her hair, they get infected or pulled.
Granny to a 3 year old here and I simply can't imagine what possessed her to think that's ok.. I have my grandchild several days a week and I still check if it's ok they have a chocolate cake, let alone anything else!!!

And yes I'd be complaining to/about Claires.

It's really shocking that your mum would even think of doing this without consulting you. I can't imagine that many parents would react with anything other than fury.

Does she have form for disrespecting your wishes as a parent in this way? What on earth was she thinking?!

I think if piercings become infected and the advice is not to remove, its because the holes will heal and need to be repierced.

The holes will heal quickly, clean the area properly before and after. Keep cleaning until they heal.

No, they don't "need" to be repierced. Piercing ears is not necessary, but a personal choice for those who wish to make it when they're old enough. It's not a requirement.

Take them out, you are the parent and a 3 year old doesn’t get a say in things like this. Reassure her she can get them redone age 12 if she wants to.

Contact Claire’s - they are meant to check for parental permission, or at least the professional piercer I took my daughter to age 13 did.

Ignore your mother’s attempts to guilt trip you. My mother does similar (but along the ‘I was a terrible parent’ line). Restrict her access. She clearly over steps.

No, it's because of the risk of an abscess. If there's infection in the wound and you take the piercing out, the skin can close over leaving the infection inside as a pocket of badness. This is only an issue if there's already an infection though. If you've simply changed your mind about the piercing and it currently has no signs of infection, you can remove the jewellery and it should heal over fine.

She's 3! She's probably still being taught how to brush her teeth and wipe her bum. Looking after pierced ears is way beyond that.

you are right if a little pedantic. What I meant was that the holes would heal closed.

I didn't really mean to be pedantic, but I take the point that you were making.

the skin can heal over infected matter regardless of whether the stud is left in or not.

Aren't grandparents supposed to protect their beloved GC? This one has done the opposite - she's introduced avoidable complications. Her tiny grand-daughter might pick up an infection in one or both earlobes. She might not be able to go in the pool on holiday, whether the studs stay in or not. If she can't, she misses a lot of fun and the opportunity to become a confident swimmer. As we know, Christmas is next week. Depending on how well and quickly the holes heal, her parents will have to keep an eye on her throughout, with the possibility of a trip to urgent care/A&E if an infection seems to be forming. That'll add to the festivities, won't it? Poor little girl. And her parents and sister.

As a non-parent, I can only imagine what my reaction would be, but I'm not surprised the OP is incandescent with her DM and with Claire's. Their workers must have been aware of the law re parental consent and the company's own guidelines. Also, the OP says the photo shows her DD 'absolutely distraught.' So they went ahead with the procedure in spite of the child's distress and the GM let them. Shame on them all.

Unfortunately ear piercing in England does not require parental consent legally. It should but it doesn't

while she should have asked before to check if you were okay with it, it’s also completely acceptable that she would do something with her grandkids. just like you are their mother, she is their grandmother and has a role to play. i would assume the fuss you made was enough no need to selfishly deprive her or your kids from further time together.

That’s ridiculous I know my mother or mother in law would never do that without my permission.

we recently took my 7 year old to get hers pierced, me as her dad agreed when she asked we would take her. We went to a proper place that pierced them with the needle not a gun also I had to show her birth certificate and my form of ID to prove I was her guardian…surely Claire’s shouldn’t have pierced their ears without seeing proof of this?

id take them out as soon as they get home and they should heal quickly

Really? Granny was already taking the kids to a show and to visit family, there was absolutely no need to get her ears pierced, that’s for a parent to agree to, not a grandparent, especially when the wee one is only 3 and doesn’t have the knowledge to consent or the skills to keep the piercing clean. I would be furious if someone did this to my child.

I'd be so angry. This is the kind of disrespectful, boundary-breaking thing my MIL would have done.

I agree that the earrings need to come out asap and your Mum needs to learn she's not entitled to make important decisions regarding your children. I don't actually think I would want to trust her again for quite some time.

Taking them out now won’t mean they can swim this weekend! Either way it needs to be kept clean now!

I would take them out. She’s only little and will get over it quickly. She is still growing, mine don’t look evenly placed as an adult after getting them done as a child.

I’m sure she would rather go in the pool and play this weekend.

also by keeping them in your mum will not see the issue with what she’s done. What a breach of trust! I would never let my mum mind my kids again after something like that.