5 year old is so spoiled and ungrateful, feel so upset

[Sandragreen23]

I've always tried to do my best for my DS, groups, clubs, new outfits everyday he is out at the park softplay, meeting friends. Recently Ive just felt he is so spoilt and his attitude around getting new things is terrible, I cant go to the shops without him constantly asking for things then having a strop when I say no. With Christmas things have gotten worse, he just constantly asking for new things and to be taken out all the time. Today I've spent a lot of money taking him out to the panto, buying him a light up wand, then out to the xmas market afterwards for food and a ride on the carousel yet right after we went into a shop and he's lifting everything repeatedly asking me can he had this and why not when I say no. I feel at breaking point, I lost my temper and told him he'd ruined the day by being spoilt (keeping in mind id told him about ten times to stop asking for new toys and he just kept doing it) am I being unrealistic or is there anything I can do because im feeling so upset with everything now

I agree you can start to explain about money and the costs of things. I have a 5 year old. And we have started to give her awareness of money.

For example over the weekend we went to a Christmas fete and she had her own purse (had this since around 3). She gets money by doing small things around the home (I.e. 10p for putting everyone's shoes away, clearing the kitchen table) and we give her money for events such as this. Prior to going we counted out how much money she had in her purse. Then at the fete things she paid for everything she wanted herself. She even towards the end looked in her purse and said "mummy I have money left, would you like a biscuit?"

We also bring into conversation how much things costs and how as a family we are lucky that we can afford certain things. For example we went of for lunch yesterday and the bill came to £120. She was asking how much this was. My dh said he would have to work for half a day to get the money to pay for this. She understands that in order to afford all the things we have mummy and daddy have to work and that this money has to pay for everything we do, so we have to make choices what it is spent on.

We also talk about charities during pudsey day at school and when donating old toys to charity shops etc.

I am no way saying she understands the concept of it all. And she obviously asks for things from time to time. But I think starting awareness at a young age is important.

The advice about discussing money is good. I also give my children choices e.g. we have £5 left (cash is better for this!). We can have 1 more ride, which one do you choose? Or do you want 1 more ride or save the money to spend in the shop later? I also discuss costs e.g. the theme park is a big day out, so costs £100 for us all, whereas the trampoline park costs £40 or soft play costs £15. We are lucky enough to afford them all on occasion, but it helps them to understand why I might say yes to soft play more often than the theme park. (Apart from the fact I hate soft play so actually avoid that for other reasons!).

I discussed last year having 'experience' presents with DD7. She wasn't keen. I realised this is because we spend relatively freely on days out. (We don't do loads but will aim for a day out each holiday). However toys are more rationed, usually just Christmas and birthdays, so these in some ways are more 'valuable' to her.

I am also clear beforehand. Today we are going swimming but we won't be going to the cafe afterwards. It's hard when something becomes a routine and then is seemingly taken away from you. I would consider not taking him to the shops for a bit if you need to break the habit, and then starting again gradually.

Sadly it’s all in your control and up to you.

He is spoiled- by you.

Lots of sound advice on here- listen to it and make changes now.

Good luck.

Stop with all the clubs (regularly) and filling his time with “activities” and days out etc! It’s HEALTHY for kids to be bored sometimes! It teaches them problem solving, self soothing and encourages imagination!! Also, why are you buying him a new outfit for every soft play park day?! Who are you doing that for? I promise he doesn’t care what he wears nearly as much as you do!

It's great, you've noticed a problem and are ready to do something about it. We live in a consumer society where we are conditioned to want more, strive for more and spend more than we have on fripperies that are pointless except for funding billionaires.
What are your values? What do you want to model to him? Are you living by those values?
Why not start to have no spend days where you include him in planning free activities. Or a reward chart where the reward is time doing something together.

Hi op. I just want to say there's nothing shameful about taking parenting classes. You know that saying "they don't come with a manual"? Or "it's the hardest job in the world"? It's all true.

I took an online parenting course recently and it's really helped. We had no huge issues, but it was good to get some ideas and different ways of looking at things. I really think it should be less stigmatised. It doesn't mean you're an awful parent it just means you are accessing support that is available.

Also, my son is 5 on Thursday. December is a big month for us 🤣

He had a phase last month of going around shops asking for literally everything. And anything he'd see in a magazine etc. We explained about Christmas and birthday "people/Santa can't get you anything if you already have it all" so simple terms he can relate to. When we're out I tell him my card has 3 "taps" then it can't be used again as it's "all tapped out" so again a concept he can see and understand.

We hid the magazines, we scaled back visits to places where he'd be tempted by loads of stuff. It's really improving now. We saw his friend at a garden centre last week and she was asking her mum for something, mum said no and my ds goes "yeah my mama won't get me anything either" (Soooo hard done by these kids 🤣) and I said and how come and he said "because it's almost my BIRTHDAY and Christmas" - no drama at all.

It's a really tempting, exciting time of the year @Sandragreen23 but honestly just scale stuff back and explain clearly and he'll get there.

If you enjoy him having stuff, and have the means to afford it, but don't want a spoilt monster I'd suggest pocket money. 2 tins - one for clothes one for toys

He can then choose what to buy and save for it if he doesn't have the money yet? And if he's spent the money then the answer to 'why' is because he doesn't have money for that yet and he'll need to wait for pocket money to buy something

If he wants a big ticket item then you talk about how many weeks pocket money that is, and when he's asking for something small he can decide if he blows the money and chance of the big ticket item - or if he leaves it and keeps saving?

I do think there are 2 groups of parents in this world...the ones that buy the light up wands, and the ones that don't...I am in the latter. No is an important word to learn and become accustomed to.

I am too! As they play with them in the panto and annoy the heck out of the rest of the audience? Then the damned thing is lying about the house.

@fiualdje we haven't done a full panto/big show with my son yet as we're unsure how he'd be. But his little mate went last week and her mum had a banging idea - got her a wand/light thing from the works the day before for a couple of quid and took it in her bag to Disney on ice - saved almost over £20 I think!

I will give my son my flashy arm band that I wear for night running to wave about. I have several so if it breaks that’s ok. I literally hate excess ‘stuff’ in my house.