Advice - 11 year old girl

[Bwen]

My 11 year old daughter was treated to a birthday day out with her best friend that included lunch, nails and cinema. They wanted to go on their own to be independent for the day. My daughter asked my to give her the money to pay for things. I worked out roughly how much each part would cost and gave her around £150. I gave clear instructions not to spend any money in shops, they it was meant for all the confirmed activities, food and drink only. When she got home she had a bag from Boots with several make up items she bought for herself and her friend. I asked her why she did this when I explicitly told her not to spend money in shops, and she said she forgot. How would you respond? She has savings in her account. I’m considering taking out the cost of the items. Or just taking them back. I’m curious how other parents would react..

How much did she actually spend in boots?

Did she miss any of the activities ?

TBH , I wouldn't have forbidden shops to begin with , just asked her to be mindful of spending and if she spent it all then no cinema/food or walking home .

They obviously had a mooch around the shops, got overly excited in Boots, egged themselves on and ended up buying stuff. Just consider it part of her bday treat/presents.

I'm not trying to sound judgy, but it's just such a huge amount of money.

Who has that to spare in December?

And it's 11 yr old.

I'm just 😮😮😮😮

Everything was pre-booked and timetabled, they are responsible and (mostly!) trustworthy and they are used to travelling to school on the train on their own as most 11-12 year old Y7 children do..all venues were in a shopping centre and in close proximity to each other, they had a lovely time and did everything as expected other than spending excess money in Boots, which the popped to on their way to the cinema.

My dd has just turned 12 and has little impulse control with money. You put it on her card so you can't really blame her for spending it. You wouldn't have handed her £150 quid cash to wander about with so why would a card be any different.

I had similar recently - although more like £15 got spent in shop instead of lunch, I just thought fair enough I should have not done that, she didn't get punished just missed lunch and had a headache (ate and drank at home don't worry)

11 is far too young to be given that amount of money unsupervised, personally I'd have dropped them off at cinema and collected, then taken them for lunch and nails.

I'd say in future you don't go alone, y oh re too young, too vulnerable and too unreliable with spending money.

How much did she spend in Boots? Did she spend the full £150?

No! Don’t think so?!

Its your own fault

It sounds like just a little something too irresistible.

No she spent the money as intended at all venues and then spent £15 in boots. She is used to carrying money on her card, she travels to school and stops at the cafe on way home w her friends for a drink. We are slowly giving her more responsibility, and this was an occasion. She was desperate to do it all on her own rather than I pre-pay. We gave her the trust but she couldn’t quite help herself. A conversation will take place on money management skills and the importance of trust if she wants more independence, but I’m still considering what kind of, or even if, I should give a punishment..

People who know their kid's birthday is coming up and have planned accordingly?

No don’t punish her for her birthday treat gone wrong.

No sorry, I didn’t mean did she spend the full £150 in Boots, I meant did she spend the full £150 on the full day out and then separate question of how much of it was in Boots. Just explaining what I meant as I see the OP has replied now anyway 😁

Oh ok! I was thinking that would be quite some splurge!

If you allow an 11/12 year old to have false nails, why are you surprised they spend money on cosmetics?

My dd took herself on the tube to Fortnums and Waterstones when she was 12 to avoid the cleaner so I don't have an issue with independence but I have a big issue with the priorities here. DD bought a book, had lunch at the Japanese Centre and bought two sugar mice from Fortnums. I was OK with that. I would NOT have been OK with false nails and make-up.

My daughter is a year younger (so still primary) and I can't imagine her going to do all that herself/with a friend so perhaps my view here is skewed.
If they chose cheaper lunch so they had money left over for spending in shops then I couldn't begrudge that. But since you specifically said not to spend in shops, if it can go back I would take her back to bring it back and give you the money, or if not she needs to pay for it with birthday money.

… although actually now I think about it, I could do it on four products! But not ones I’d have purchased aged 11.

Aw I don’t think £15 is too bad then if you “authorised” £150 in your mind as being allocated to the day out, and they did all the planned things (ie didn’t cancel something you’d planned in favour of spending money in Boots instead). Was there anything else leftover or did she spend right up to the £150 limit?

Did she bring any change back?

Why are you so adamant she needs punishing? It was her bday treat and she spent £15 ffs. Compared to everything else it's a small amount.

If you really must, just tell her whatever she bought can be part of her bday presents and you buy her less .

I think a reasonable sanction would be that she has spent next weeks pocket money.

You win the prize for the most MNiest of posts!

I don't understand the issue and so it's possible she didn't either.

You gave her £150 on card for the day. She did her planned activities & spent £15 in boots. That's only 10% of the money. Hardly splashing £100s. Were you expecting change?

Clearly both girls are used to traveling by train on their own, as this is their way of commuting to school. I think putting £150 on a card, would have been too tempting for an 11 year old!! So it's probably not a surprise she got a little carried away and went shopping! She knew she wasn't allowed, but couldn't resist the lure of Boots! I think a chat about you needing to be able to trust her to do as you've asked, and in this instance she hasn't and you're disappointed. I think in all honesty, you need to follow through with either taking the items back or working out what she paid and taking it out of pocket money or any birthday money she's been given. The amount of money she was given, is actually irrelevant, she could have done similar if you'd sent her with £20!

I would tell her she has to pay back for the make up from future pocket money - so if that means no pocket money for a couple of weeks then she has to accept that.
In future maybe say if she is out and wants to buy something extra from anything pre planned she just has to message you and ask first.
Although had she had messaged you and asked "can I spend the left over money on some make up in Boots" would you have said yes?
Perhaps agree upon rules -
If she wants to buy anything extra she has to text you and ask first.
Agree on shops you are happy for her to buy from - make up from Boots/Superdrug = yes, but expensive boutique where one nail polish is £50 = no.

Based on this update, I think I would either deduct it from next week / month pocket money? £15 is easy to spend in Boots and if they spent everything else as planned, i think they actually did fairly well given the level of freedom you gave her.

I also really like @Needmorelego post as well.