Advice - 11 year old girl

[Bwen]

My 11 year old daughter was treated to a birthday day out with her best friend that included lunch, nails and cinema. They wanted to go on their own to be independent for the day. My daughter asked my to give her the money to pay for things. I worked out roughly how much each part would cost and gave her around £150. I gave clear instructions not to spend any money in shops, they it was meant for all the confirmed activities, food and drink only. When she got home she had a bag from Boots with several make up items she bought for herself and her friend. I asked her why she did this when I explicitly told her not to spend money in shops, and she said she forgot. How would you respond? She has savings in her account. I’m considering taking out the cost of the items. Or just taking them back. I’m curious how other parents would react..

An 11year old with £150 burning a hole in their pocket is never going to go well! (I have an 11 yr old DD) Too much money, too tempting for her to spend it sensibly at that age.

It was too big a responsibility and 'too far' - lesson learned!

What is the break down of costs ?
Lunch at Pizza express£20
Cinema max £15 assuming London maybe even 20 for deluxe side seat
Nails 30 or dud she get 75 £ gel talons? Why? She is 11

65 max in total
Why did you give her so much money?
Was it cash or on a card?

I’m guessing her friend had money to shop and so she wanted to join in?

Regardless, £150 is a huge amount to give an 11 year old, far too tempting!

I agree that £150 and all this responsibility was too abstract for an eleven year old!
Perhaps you need to talk to her and explain why you had told her no shops but then let this go.

My then 11 yr old DD did similar but on a smaller scale. Gave £20 to buy a book at the school book sale, costing £6.99. Had nothing smaller. When given the change I was handed £1.50!

Turns out she bought her friend a book and went to the corner shop with her mates. I basically cancelled her DD of pocket money for the next month which was £15 so she could repay it!

But really £150 is way too much money for an 11 yr old to have with. I adult supervision. I'm also not sure with your maths how you got to that total, I would have thought half and I'm in London.

Unless she was going somewhere crazy for lunch and nails then that eas too much money and the temptation was too much.
Even at 15 I have to tell mine (even tonight when I gave her money for dinner and cinema) 'just because I've given you that, it isn't a challenge to find a way to spend it all, it's in case you need it rather than so you can burn through it as quick as possible'

You asked for that handing an 11 yo £150.

No idea about London prices, but I have more idea than you about 11year olds 😄

Whose birthday was this, hers or her friends? Was the money for them both or just her? Did they do any of the activities or just spend in the shops?

And did you book a nail appointment?

Side note - would be surprised anywhere would do an 11 year olds nails with an adult present.

Were they lunching at the Ivy?

I'm shocked that you let DD go out with £150. It's a lot - say three or four months pocket money. If it was in cash, I'd also be worried about it being lost or stolen. An 11-year old is unlikely to have a useful understanding of the value of £150. And mske-up at 11, unless it's for a party? A bit shocked by that too. I would take the make-up back to Boots and get a refund, otherwise there's a dangerous precedent that you give her money for something specific and she does just what she wants with it. Next time, I'd give her money with a note listing what it was for so she couldn't 'forget'.

Did she have a nice day?

This is on you, chalk it up to experience but don't punish her this was a misjudgement on your part.

This has to be a wind up.
They are 11, not 25! They are way too young for this level of spending and independence. A cinema trip or Pizza Hut is enough at that age.

I'd have pre booked the tickets, and given 60 quid as a maximum to have nails painted and something to eat, 150 is a crazy amount but if you gave her that expecting her to spend that much on nails /Cinema and food I wouldn't get upset over her buying a few things . .just give her less money next time

I'm having difficulty with you describing it as a birthday treat from her friend when she (you) paid everything. I assume she spent the money on boots at the end of the day? That is a huge amount of money to give an 11 yr old and far more than required for the cinema, nails and lunch- was she paying for both of them? I probably won't have gotten that belt out of shape over a few cheap things from boots, but if you are, then I'd ask her to give you the money from her saved money.

I think 11 is way too young to have a day out with a generous sum of money and expect her to be responsible

If your kid is 11, no more than a £10 if there won't be an adult with them!

I've no idea where you live but this is insanity. She's far too young for managing that itinerary alone. I wouldn't punish her - you are the one that has learned an expensive lesson here. Did she have a good day at least?!

I’m afraid I agree op. I’d possibly have dropped them at the cinema to go in alone, but not wandering round all three venues carrying that kind of cash.

Because it was her birthday and I think your judgment was partly to blame, I’d be inclined to let it go, albeit emphasising it can’t happen again. And give less cash and a little less independence next time.

Thanks to all for taking the time to respond.. The amount I gave her seems to be heavily in focus rather than the action, which is what I was really seeking thoughts on. For context, she was covering the costs for two - special mani/pedi at £40 each, pizza express, Everyman cinema plus snacks and train fare. She didn’t have cash, she has a card, and it’s for her upcoming 12 bday which is in two weeks time, when her bestie is away. Does this change anything…? Or do I need to reassess my parenting methods?

You haven’t answered how many of the pre agreed things did they do? Ie did they miss out the cinema to go shopping?

Train fares?! This is more and more bizarre for two 11 year olds. You're treating them like 15 year olds.

I personally think they are a bit young to do all that alone. I think they find it easier to “stay on target” when the activity is more focused. But I think the temptation to get the make up was sort of to be expected with that much money and freedom. I’d make her pay if it hadn’t t been a birthday treat, but as it was and you clearly wanted it to be a nice time for them, I’d accept you’ve both erred in judgment and move on.