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Original poster

Mother in law issues

83 replies

girlmum1996 · 05/12/2024 17:46

Hi…

I am new here and not sure if this type of post will be allowed or if I am even in the right place for this topic but urgently looking for advice or if anyone has been in a similar situation.

Will happily go into detail if this post gets a response…

But has anyone had any major issues with mother in laws resulting in them not seeing the grandchild and now trying to demand contact through a solicitor?

Thanks

OP posts:
TinyMouseTheatre · 05/12/2024 20:38

No I haven't and I'm sorry that you're going through this.

Has she applied through the Court?

TinyMouseTheatre · 05/12/2024 22:16

And do you want to tell us more about what's happened leading up to this?

itsmabeline · 05/12/2024 22:18

No. How would a mother in law have any legal right to see a child? Those are reserved for parents.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law
Original poster
girlmum1996 · 06/12/2024 17:55

itsmabeline · 05/12/2024 22:18

No. How would a mother in law have any legal right to see a child? Those are reserved for parents.

I've read that grandparents can apply to the court for access even if I have denied this. By the sounds of it, it would be highly unlikely they would grant access and would only consider this if the child had an existing relationship with the grandparent which she doesn't. However this is all new to me and I was surprised to have even received a letter from a solicitor so just wanted to know where I stood legally.

OP posts:
Original poster
girlmum1996 · 06/12/2024 17:57

TinyMouseTheatre · 05/12/2024 20:38

No I haven't and I'm sorry that you're going through this.

Has she applied through the Court?

Thank you.

No at present I have received a letter from her solicitor to state she would like to start seeing my daughter (her grandchild) once a month on an unsupervised basis with the possibility of overnight stays.

Please bear in mind she has seen my daughter around 10 times since she's been born for no more than an hour each time.

If I was to ask her what my daughter's clothing size was, what brand of nappies, what she eats for breakfast lunch and dinner etc she would not know these basic things.

OP posts:
OAPapparently · 06/12/2024 18:00

She has no rights, the letter will be to scare you into doing what she wants.
The only way she would have a slight chance would be if it would be harmful for your child not to see her because they have such a close bond. It doesn’t sound like it’s the case here. I would just ignore. She wants a reaction, don’t give her one.

TheShellBeach · 06/12/2024 18:05

Hi OP.

Pay no attention to this letter. It has been sent to worry you.
Grandparents don't have any rights to have contact with their DGC, especially in a situation like you're describing, where the GPs have rarely seen a child.

How old is your child? Why hasn't there been much contact?

Are you still married?

TheShellBeach · 06/12/2024 18:08

No; at present, I have received a letter from her solicitor to state she would like to start seeing my daughter (her grandchild) once a month on an unsupervised basis with the possibility of overnight stays.

Well, that letter simply says what she would like.
Not what she's supposedly entitled to. I can't see any solicitor trying to actually take you to court over this.

bellocchild · 06/12/2024 18:09

If she carries on making these demands, you could (unwillingly) agree to monthly supervised short visits (by you or your partner) - say ½ hour at a local Costa or Nero. Nothing more.

SwordToFlamethrower · 06/12/2024 18:13

If you're in America, then some states do have GPR. Here in the UK, they don't get automatic rights.

negomi90 · 06/12/2024 18:16

Don't do what @bellocchild says. The more contact she has, the stronger the relationship between her and your dad, the more likely court is to side with her (still unlikely).
Cut her off, she's using the courts to manipulate you. Don't let her have any more contact and see how far she takes the legal process.

Original poster
girlmum1996 · 06/12/2024 18:27

TheShellBeach · 06/12/2024 18:05

Hi OP.

Pay no attention to this letter. It has been sent to worry you.
Grandparents don't have any rights to have contact with their DGC, especially in a situation like you're describing, where the GPs have rarely seen a child.

How old is your child? Why hasn't there been much contact?

Are you still married?

My child is 15 months. She hasn't seen her in 4 months and prior to this had barely any contact.

Due to mine and her relationship breakdown (she also doesn't speak to her son - the father of my child) it was agreed that my mum would take my daughter to meet her at a nearby coffee shop for 1 hour a week. During the last visit I popped in to see her just to see how the visits were going and if in the future we could make any alternative arrangements as I didn't feel it was fair for my mum to have to use her free time to take my daughter to visit her other nan.

As you can imagine MIL reaction to this did not go down well and ended with her calling me a bad mum, and that she only wants my daughter without me present.

We have had zero contact since then, it was only recently I received the letter stating she wanted to restart visits in order to build a relationship.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 06/12/2024 18:32

.............this did not go down well and ended with her calling me a bad mum, and that she only wants my daughter without me present

Ah well. That won't be happening.

It's her loss, and makes your own mum's life easier.

Original poster
girlmum1996 · 06/12/2024 18:32

Just adding this here for additional information as I've had a few responses.

  • my daughter is 15 months old
  • me and MIL have no relationship or contact
  • MIL overstepped multiple boundaries which lead to the decision of no contact. (Kissing my daughter when I asked not to, posting photos on her social media when I asked not to, I allowed her to look after my daughter unsupervised once but asked she kept her phone nearby for updates - she turned her phone off and was unreachable the whole time)
  • she has no relationship with me or her son (father of my child)
  • I am currently pregnant with baby 2. Upon finding out this news she asked me to have an abortion as she felt I was selfish bringing another baby into the world so close to my daughter and that my daughter wouldn't get the attention she deserves
  • due to mine and her relationship I completely cut her off and blocked her apart from email. I emailed her stating she could see my daughter once a week at a coffee shop with my mother for an hour. However during these visits my daughter was extremely distressed and cried (due to not knowing who she was and having no relationship)
  • I had previously asked if she wanted to see her granddaughter twice a week to build a relationship in which she said she'd like to arrange 1 day and the 2nd visit would be 'off the cuff' depending on her schedule and social life

So after all this and the stress she is putting me through, especially whilst almost 6 months pregnant, she now has decided to contact a solicitor and make unreasonable demands.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 06/12/2024 18:33

Goodness, just clocked that she doesn't have a relationship with her son, either.

She's a peach, isn't she.

Original poster
girlmum1996 · 06/12/2024 18:36

TinyMouseTheatre · 05/12/2024 22:16

And do you want to tell us more about what's happened leading up to this?

I've added a message to this thread of bulletin points to help you guys understand a little bit more context. Hope this helps and thanks for your reply!

OP posts:
Original poster
girlmum1996 · 06/12/2024 18:38

OAPapparently · 06/12/2024 18:00

She has no rights, the letter will be to scare you into doing what she wants.
The only way she would have a slight chance would be if it would be harmful for your child not to see her because they have such a close bond. It doesn’t sound like it’s the case here. I would just ignore. She wants a reaction, don’t give her one.

I've been advised that if I ignore these letters she'd stand more chance in a court as it shows she is reaching out to come to a solution. However I feel I have given her multiple chances and now she wants to be difficult.

I've been told to go through mediation.

OP posts:
Original poster
girlmum1996 · 06/12/2024 18:39

SwordToFlamethrower · 06/12/2024 18:13

If you're in America, then some states do have GPR. Here in the UK, they don't get automatic rights.

We are UK based

OP posts:
ABagInABox · 06/12/2024 18:40

She has no relationship with your child to maintain. She has no legal right to see your child.

To give you the flip side, my Mum (lovely) provided childcare for my sister's child 3 days a week, babysat often on evenings and weekends due to my sister's job and saw her grandchild pretty much every day. That is a relationship.

Who has told you to go through mediation?

thepariscrimefiles · 06/12/2024 18:40

There have been a few threads in Legal Matters about grandparents threatening to go to court to gain unsupervised access to their grandchildren. As far as I can recall, none of them were successful.

ABagInABox · 06/12/2024 18:41

I would report your post and ask for it to be moved to the Legal board. This comes up often with Grandparents who have a hissy fit over some perceived belief in an automatic right to a relationship with their grandchild especially when none exists in the first place.

ABagInABox · 06/12/2024 18:42

Cross posts @thepariscrimefiles

Original poster
girlmum1996 · 06/12/2024 18:44

ABagInABox · 06/12/2024 18:40

She has no relationship with your child to maintain. She has no legal right to see your child.

To give you the flip side, my Mum (lovely) provided childcare for my sister's child 3 days a week, babysat often on evenings and weekends due to my sister's job and saw her grandchild pretty much every day. That is a relationship.

Who has told you to go through mediation?

Yes so this is my mum! My mum is amazing with my daughter. Helps regularly, if my daughter goes to my mums I don't have to take anything (my mum has a whole cupboard full of stuff for her) including a highchair and pram for outings.

My mum will also come to my home multiple times a week just so I can have a bath, have a nap, pop to shops etc.

My daughter gets very excited to see my mum, but very scared and cries around her other nan (MIL)

I contacted citizens advice who advised me to go through mediation with MIL as if she continues to get her solicitor to send me letters and it did eventually go to court, they will say I ignored the opportunity to rebuild a relationship (even though I don't want one!!!)

I feel as if I'm being forced into allowing her to eventually see my child in some capacity when ideally, I'd like to wait for my daughter to be of an age to make that decision herself

OP posts:
Original poster
girlmum1996 · 06/12/2024 18:45

thepariscrimefiles · 06/12/2024 18:40

There have been a few threads in Legal Matters about grandparents threatening to go to court to gain unsupervised access to their grandchildren. As far as I can recall, none of them were successful.

That's reassuring, I'll have a look if I can find any of the threads. I'm new on here so still navigating how to use!

Thank you very much.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 06/12/2024 18:47

I think that Citizens Advice have given you wrong information.

You do not need to go to mediation. Your MIL has no right in law to see your daughter.

And BTW what a bitch, telling you to have an abortion.

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