Mother in law issues

[girlmum1996]

Hi…

I am new here and not sure if this type of post will be allowed or if I am even in the right place for this topic but urgently looking for advice or if anyone has been in a similar situation.

Will happily go into detail if this post gets a response…

But has anyone had any major issues with mother in laws resulting in them not seeing the grandchild and now trying to demand contact through a solicitor?

Thanks

Thank you

The letter was addressed to me, and the issue has always been with me therefore, I had asked him to stay out of it so she cannot then say I asked him to take sides etc.

She however chose to not have a relationship with him, as he stuck up for me.

I asked this to a lawyer.

So first, they need to apply to court for permission to apply to court if that makes sense.

If they are given it (which would probably only be likely if they could demonstrate they were already a really established person in the child's life and the child would be losing out without them) then they can apply for contact. Overnights is ridiculous.

Is there a cost involved with them applying for permission to court?

Ok good to know. They definitely are not an established person in my child's life, which is why I am finding this whole thing so frustrating. I would understand if I was keeping my daughter from her, and they had an amazing bond and relationship. But they do not know each other, and it would be very difficult for her to try and say/prove she has a relationship with her, as she has only seen her around 10 times since she was born (she is 15 months old now).

Yes overnights is absolutely insane, so she has requested one Saturday a month for 4 hours unsupervised. After 3 months (which is when baby 2 is due), she would like my daughter AND new baby overnight at her house unsupervised.

I would like to add - my daughter has NEVER been to her home.

Op I would like to reinforce a solicitor will write whatever bull shit their client asks of them because they get paid. . My exh had me a strongly worded letter sent out demanding I remove my newly fitted blinds as he was now unable to see into my new home...surprisingly no judge ordered that I take them down... Let mil waste her money. Do not engage whatsoever.. In the tiniest chance she is permitted to apply for access then seek legal advice.. Until then enjoy your Christmas with your baby.

She sounds extremely controlling.

There is no way she would get unsupervised visits as she has no relationship with your daughter and definitely not with your newborn!

I think she is trying to scare you with a solicitor letter. Don't agree to any mediation, that could actually make it look like you are willing to give her another chance.

I'd either ignore the letter completely, block her and leave it at that.
Or if you can afford it and want to have some assurance, see a solicitor and let them reply to her.

I would just like to add that you can pay a solicitor to write just about anything - it’s not court ordered and can be ignored. From memory, there was a Mnetter that had an ex that sent a solicitor’s letter demanding she kept her curtains open! The letter was ignored I believe and there were no consequences.

If you have £250-£350 spare then get a solicitor to write a proper reply. If you don’t have the money you can write a formal letter yourself - use a letter template and use factual precise non emotional language to just give the bare facts of your points eg you are not giving her contact with your children and this is the end of the discussion, your final decision etc etc. I would probably get ChatGPT to write something and then amend it to my style before sending

I really really wouldn’t do mediation unless you are going to strike up a mutual solution

Ignore her. It'll drive her nuts.

Skip the letters from legal teams. Surely just send her a laughing emoji and block her?

Please don't ignore the letter.

I have been in your shoes, I went to court. We now have a court order every other weekend with the grandparent. Yes it's not a lot of contact but honestly please do not bury your head in the sand 💐 x

I know 2 sets of grandparents who secured access through a legal route-it isn't automatic but it can be done.

Omg, sorry to hear this.

Can I ask what the process was? Did you receive letters from grandparents solicitors? How did they take you to court? Who paid? Why was they granted access every other weekend? Was their a pre-existing relationship?

Are you UK based?

Sorry for all the questions.

Thanks x

She is blocked on everything, hence why her only way of contacting me was through a solicitor

Ok this sounds like my best option and plan.

Thank you for your help!!!

No problem, I just really wanted to help reassure you. Horrible to have someone threaten you like that (I’m also pregnant), my children are my most precious thing on earth and I would be scared to receive a letter like you if I didn’t know I was safe against her demands

She is already blocked, hence why her only way of contact was through the solicitor.

I think my best bet will be sourcing a solicitor who will send a response for me, just so it is all done in writing and I can put it to bed.

Yes UK Based.

I got sent Mediation, couldn't go ahead due to DV, so we went straight to court.
I had to have very detailed discussions, provide proof and we both had to talk to cafcass.
They paid.
Very little contact from birth, think 3 visits between birth and 1 year.
Access was granted as every child has a right to grandparents. (My child already has a massive bond with my mum & dad)

I was advised to think about what I would be willing to offer from the start as i would look like a bitter ex, punishing the grandparents.

Honestly my daughter is my life, and I feel as if she is trying to pull this away from her for her own enjoyment, but also to spite me - not to actually have a relationship with my daughter. As I only went fully NC September 2024, up until then she had chance after chance to see my daughter and chose not to - it is only when I have stopped the contact that she is going to these extremes, almost as if to prove a point.

It is not the letter that is scaring me, it is the instability of said MIL and the lengths she is willing to go to.

Thanks for your kind words and help, it has definitely reassured me.

Wow, I am really sorry to hear you have been through all of that.

The decision for every other weekend, was that you, grandparents or the courts final decision?

Are the visits supervised?

This sounds awful. I have been told to go through mediation, as it would be in my best interests. If I ignore the letter(s) I will look like I am putting my relationship with her, ahead of hers with my child. Which is my worry.

Omg what? That is RIDICULOUS

Thank you so much

You did offer contact which didn't suit her exact requirements, so she basically denied herself contact by being so difficult.

In other cases that I've read about on here, grandparents were offered supervised contact but refused and said they would go to court for unsupervised access. I believe that these cases fell at the first hurdle, i.e. they weren't given the right to take the case to court.

Your MIL is also asking for overnight access to your new baby, which she advised you to abort. I would definitely consult a solicitor before agreeing to mediation.

Op I would like to reinforce a solicitor will write whatever bull shit their client asks of them because they get paid. . My exh had me a strongly worded letter sent out demanding I remove my newly fitted blinds as he was now unable to see into my new home...surprisingly no judge ordered that I take them down... Let mil waste her money. Do not engage whatsoever.. In the tiniest chance she is permitted to apply for access then seek legal advice.. Until then enjoy your Christmas with your baby.
If I remember rightly there was a whole thread about the batshit solicitors letters people had received from ex’s and the like.

Honestly there must be a whole load of solicitors out there who are rubbing their hands together at the money they’re making sending out letters for all these idiots who actually think it will make a difference.

Honestly I absolutely would ignore the letter. I know there is a poster on this thread who apparently had access awarded to the grandparents, but that will be very much in the minority, and we don’t know all the details. But the fact this woman is NC with her own son is not going to go in her favour if she starts demanding access to the children.

And honestly if I was that poster I would move house and never send my children back there. It’s the kind of court order that would almost certainly be overturned if challenged, I suspect she just got unlucky.
Edited to correct the bold.

None of those things is important except allergies. Which she should already know since you said you left her unsupervised with her and surely you aren't withholding that information?

She shouldn't be telling you to have an abortion.

But also you do come across as quite controlling in your posts. Whether you started that or she did I have no idea.

I allowed her to have my daughter for a couple hours whilst me and her son went out to dinner, my daughter was 3 months old at the time and we was only in the same area at dinner.

My daughter had not yet developed allergies as was still on formula (solids were not introduced till 4/5 months old) - allergies were noted from 6 months onwards which MIL has been informed about but this was purely to keep her updated with my daughters well being, not because the information is useful to her as she was not allowed unsupervised visits due to turning phone off the first time round.

Hope this clears that up.

EDIT (due to your added comments after).

Of course happy to hear and take on board all comments on this post, and completely understandable you may believe I am controlling. However, at the end of the day - she is my child and what I say goes. I have been more than willing to give MIL chances to see my child but overstepping basic boundaries, like kissing my daughter when asked not to, posting her photos on social media when asked not to etc are quite basic simple steps to follow. Of course she may not agree, respect or understand my decisions, but as the parent those were my basic boundaries.

I also offered her to see my daughter in times that did not suit me, only her, however her issue is with me and she demanded solo time with my daughter without me present. I was not comfortable with this until I could see they had an established relationship, and that it was not going to distress my child.

I stated this to her, that she basically had stopped herself seeing my child because it did not suit her. However, she played victim and said no other family member or grandparent is treated the way she is and she wants alone time with my daughter with no one else there on her times and terms.

I did offer her supervised visits with my mum, and if that was not good enough a contact centre that I would organise - she did not want this.

Yes I think a solicitor will be my best option after reading the replies I have received.

Thank you very much