What to do when all grandparents want to be called the same name??

[Fluffyted]

Hi,

We're due to have our first baby in January.

We had a family get together on the weekend with my family & my in-laws.
The topic came up about what all the grandparents wanted to be called - both my dad & FIL want to be called Grampy and both my mum & MIL want to be called Nanna.

So now I feel like we are in a little predicament as calling them all the same name is surely going to be confusing for a child?

My MIL & FIL already have a grandchild (our nephew) so they've been called Grampy & Nanna for years already - so want to keep that the same with their next grandchild.

Since we told everyone we were expecting, my mum originally said she wanted to be called Nanny & my dad said "he didn't care" (in a nice way, just he wasn't bothered) so I thought great, we don't have to worry!
🙈

So, anyway that conversation went down like a lead balloon with everyone just awkwardly looking at each other before the subject got changed.

I only had 1 grandparent growing up l, as all my others had passed away before I was born, so I didn't have an issue with naming grandparents.

My partner thinks we should just call my mum "Nanna X" & my Dad "Grampy X" and his parents "Nanna & Grampy" as that's what they are called by our nephew.

I suggested this to my mum - she hates the idea and just wants to be called Nanna.
My MIL is also firmly against the idea of being called Nanna X.

So, what do people normally do in this situation?
I know it's hardly a big issue or problem but I thought I'd ask and hopefully get some help!

Call them what they want to be called. When you're not with them and want to be clear who you are talking about, append a name, a surname, or a place. No need for any falling out.
When my dc were little, we had three sets of grandparents due to a divorce. The stepmother absolutely didn't want any reference to being a grandparent so went by Auntie. All fine until the dc have to do the family tree in reception class school and the teacher is alarmed by a grandparent being married to an Aunt.....

We briefly had Granddad and Angry Granddad.

FIL had a long hard look at himself after he overheard that.
Once his temper had calmed down. There’s nothing quite like proving their point by shouting…

My mum is granny, mil is nanny. I personally dislike nanny but there we go. Then fil is grandad xx and stepdad is grandad xx. Fils wife wants to be granny but the kids have never taken to it so she just goes by her name.

We have a grandad crossover. Our solution was to use the family name for each.

So Grandad Smith
Grandad Brown

We have also one that will only be called Gran who gets annoyed that it’s quite a tricky pronunciation for a toddler with the hard glottal stop, who asks for Grandad or Nanna but never Gran as a result.

Can’t help them if they all want to be known by the same moniker.

we just used nanna firstname and grandad firstname.. other kids I knew used lastname instead - no confusion - and if we were with the nan in question, then it was just nanna

My eldest decided to resist all indoctrination, and called MIL by her first name - which of course meant every subsequent grandchild does too! I'm not even sure how he found out as we were all careful to call her granny!

Both DM and SMIL are Granny but SMIL goes by "Granny Sarah" as that's what DH and his siblings call her (don't call her mum) so seemed easier to add her name to differentiate. Other granny is "Grandma" but known as "Grandma [town she lives in] as that's what the DC's cousins call her to differentiate from their other Grandma, so it has a way of working itself out.

Call me old fashioned but it wasn't a discussion we had with either side. Grandma and Grandad are what they are and what they get called. We didn't automatically add first names to one set, but add to anyone when context is needed. Never had any problems

My sister's children had two grannies who were named after their respective dogs.

Yes, this. We don’t need to call them “grandma k” and “grandma g” to their faces, as it were, only when referring to them to others. When we are with one set of the other they’re just grandma and grandpa.

When my DC were born, both sets of grandparents and surviving set of great grandparents all wanted to be Nanny and Grandad. We got round it by having 'Nanny and Grandad' (my parents), 'Little Nanny and Grandad' (my grandparents who were quite small!) and 'French Nanny and Grandad' (now XH's parents) because they were moving to France.

They were all Nanny and Grandad in person though.

Use the surnames

Katie Morag surely solved this with Granny Island and Granny Mainland!

Anyway you may find your DCs solve this problem for you by using a completely different name of their own choosing.

Title then Christian name

So Grandma Pat and Grandad George.

DS has two aunts called Sophie. They are called “auntie Sophie” to their faces, and “daddy’s auntie Sophie” and “uncle X’s Sophie” when we need to distinguish them.

So you could go with “daddy’s grampy” and “mummy’s grampy” when you aren’t with them, and “this grampy” and “other grampy” when you are with one of them?

We had this with one set of grandparents and in the end they were so intransigent with other stuff that they went NC with us. I would take it as a warning sign of trouble to come.

Don’t people usually use their first names too? I did back in the 80s, Katie Morag did and Charlie Bucket did in 1964!

e.g Grandpa Joe, Grandma Josephine, Grandma Georgina and Grandpa George

Edited to add@Fluffyted judging by your post I think you need to put some boundaries in place before they start causing havoc at Christmas, parties, sleepovers, Mothering Sunday etc. Otherwise everything will become a competition and or jealousy! And you may find that your DC names them themselves anyway.

My DC actually calls his Grandad something completely different because he couldn’t say “grandad” and it’s lovely!

DD decided what she was calling my parents at about 1 and that stuck. She sees less of DH’s parents so just went with what she heard up there from other cousins.

Hasn’t been an issue for my non-verbal nephew because he doesn’t call them anything.

We have both sets of grandparents named the same thing, we differentiate with surnames.

My DGD worked it out for herself and also decided she didn't like Grandma and now we're both Nana Whatever

This. It's the only fair way to do it. Not sure why that wouldn't be acceptable, I doubt they'll say Granny X to granny's face, only when not there to distinguish the two. My MIL pulled a face and made some not very discreet comments about my mum also being gran but they were shut down. It makes no difference at all even when they're together (which is rarely) and having a different name to the other GP doesn't make the relationship any more special.

In reality, as much as my mum prefers to be called Gran, my nephew has started calling her granny so she's become granny to him and she loves it because he chose it. You can plan for these things but it might not work out that way in practice.

@Spanielsaremad have you never watched Peppa Pig?
There's Grampy Pig and Grampy Rabbit
Grandparent names can be very regional but Grampy is a fairly common one.

Just start of calling them the same. Your child will make a differentiating factor eventually.

My children have two grandads - my dad and my grandad. My DS around 3-4 started referring to them as normal grandad and big grandad. Its stuck as he is 7 now.
They also have two grannys and granpas. (one set is great grandparents). My DS calls the great grandparents Granny and Grandpa Pigs as they use to run a pig farm and is what they talk about.

My grandmothers were both Grandma, my grandfathers were both Grandad. It was never a problem - it was either obvious from context who we were talking about, or we said "Grandma Ellen" or whatever. I didn't realise anyone tried to make them different!

We had similar unreasonableness with ours insisting they be called the same. It drives me potty and I find it self-centred. I do think the established pair of grandparents should be able to keep their nickname since it's already being used by the cousins, and the new grandparents ought to have chosen another nickname. If they are refusing to be reasonable then you have have to tack on their first names for sheer practicality. Thats what we've had to do.

It’s VERY normal in Wales.