Trapped in my pefect life

[pollyesther]

Last night i had trouble sleeping and was thinking about my life. I haven't felt 'happy' for a long time and i realised that i feel trapped in my life.

On paper I would appear to have it all, 2 children who are (most of the time) wonderful. A great husband, a beautiful house and we are not short of money. However, i feel lonely. My husband is often away, my house is in the middle of nowhere and my friends all work full time.
I've talked to my husband about this but he just thinks i need to get out more. I go to the gym but don't meet people. Shopping is only fun with someone to go with. I feel like all around me life is passing by. I have considered getting a job but that brings new worries like who is around during the day if they're unwell or if they need medication (our school won't admininster it) who could give to them. They would miss me helping on school trips too.

Has anyone else hit this crossroad and what did you do? I suppose it has hit me harder as my youngest just started school.

Poly, if you do OU, you don't have to worry about fitting it in.. you can study when you like.. I study anywhere/everywhere... in the car waiting for kids to come out of clubs, on the poolside (while they swim, 3 times a week), in bed, in the bath and when I have time.. at a desk in my bedroom (not enough!). It isn't the most sociable way to get a degree (or diploma in whatever you are interested in.. you don't necessary have to do a degree) but is flexible (apart from the assignments dates) and you do get tutorials where you get to meet the test of your tutor group.

The OU has so many courses.. go no their website and have a lot; see what interests you.

you need more than studying though

you need to be with people doing something

studying is solitary ,you'll still be lonely but will have to study as well

pollyesther, a job will provide a meaningful focus outside of childcare/shopping/running a home, and comes with its own social circle and intellectual challenges. You are automatically plugged into a different world with a steep learning curve and need to prove yourself.

How's that for a challenge?

It gives an added dimension to your life and makes you more interesting to your dh and children. Also, you will not have the same urge to make friends and have less dependence on them. Because your time is happily occupied elsewhere. Your confidence will soar.

The money is also nice. And you can buy presents, give treats, SAVE for your retirement or put aside for your children. That gives me a great sense of satisfaction and freedom.

As you don't need the money, you have the luxury of picking your job and hours and can accept lower paying interesting work with flexible hours.

As for your children being unwell or needing medication, working mothers at your school must surely have some way of coping? And your children will be fine. They are slowly spreading their wings. You need to look out for yourself as well. Accompanying on school trips, nice, but not essential. You can choose work that is flexible in any case.

Actually, have just seen that your youngest has started school. So I would probably be looking for a job too. In fact, I shall be when DD starts school and I've done my last OU exam. I'm looking already.

Did you enjoy what you used to do?

I guess, what i want is not possible. I want people to share my days with.
I am a very simple person, i love being a mum and a wife, i enjoy keeping house and thought this would be enough but i found it isn't. Everyone is right, i am bored.

I don't want to put my children into childcare just because i am lonely. I recognise i am fortunate, we get to go away every school holiday and work would interfere with this and it is not something i am willing to give up as it is the one time we get to be a family when we're all together. I can see from these posts that i'm in a rut and have lost my motivation to see past it but i realise i must get past this to move forward. I like the idea of charity work and studying is a good idea but as ggirl says it won't solve my problem of being on my own.

How about becoming a classroom assistant?

oh you poor thing

I bet loads of people can relate

I highly recommend a part time job - not studying!

if money sint an issue then you can sort out a childminder or nanny or get a school holiday job

train as a teacher?

ah you are LONELY

do ALL the mums you know work full tiem? I bet the private school mums dont

can you send them privately and get in with that lot?

Teaching is something i have always wanted to do but my children come first and the hours bother me. This is why i feel trapped, if money was an issue i would have to work and would feel no guilt about using childcare because the decision would be made for me.

If you are a teaching assistant you don't have to work long hours though
My SIL is one

And it would be a good stepping stone to becoming a teacher in the longer run

yes go and ask at the school if you can help out.
I did this when ds started in september.

Have started work now so gave that up.

You can do jobs that are term time only.

Volunteer and you can choose when you work.

Maybe you need mother's little helper

That's what bored SAHMs did in the 50s and 60s isn't it?

I can so relate to you pollyesther, I am fortunate DH's job means I don't have to work, DC are little still and even when they are all at school I have no plans to get a job. Friends are asking when I am going back to work and looked faintly alarmed when I say I have no intention of doing that ever I am very happy being at home looking after my family and their various needs...sad to some people but very true for me

Don't just get a job for something to do, how about a hobby - flower arranging course, cooking course etc etc.

You are not alone

I am the odd one out on the playground, probably the only one that can afford private school but choose not to as i don't think we would fit in and besides the children are happy where they are. I was not bought up with money and it is right what people say it can be as much of a curse as it is a blessing!

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The mum's on benefits are available in the day too...!

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pollyesther, your children come first, but at some point, you will not come first for them. They are becoming adults in their own right - using the wings you gave them to fly.

You need to muster up some fire-in-your belly. Have a forward thinking can-do attitude. Comfortable = non=challenging = stagnant = boring.

Don't feel guilty about getting a babysitter to enable you to go to things you want to go to - if your DH is away and it's the PTA meeting and you want to go, get a babysitter. It will probably cost you £10 and it will be worth it!

Only flights cod, we have our own place.

lol chocrocking horse sorry you are right

I am terrible snob how awful of me

Not sure money is quite as much of a curse as it is a blessing.. but then what do I know! (Curse me, curse me someone! )

Flower arranging and cooking?! Christ we have slipped back 50-odd years haven't we! I would rather eat my own toes than do those things!!

CD what's Mother's Little Helper?! An attractive gardner a la Gabriel Sollis??!

Blueshoes, your right . I am comfortable

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