Screen time hell with a 3yo - help please

[overthinker345]

My 3 yo goes to nursery five days a week as I work full time, and has gone since she was 12 months and loves it. It’s a small homely setting and they do lots of lovely activities throughout the day and spend a lot of time playing outside too.

in light of the above, we’ve always allowed some tv in the morning whilst she has her milk and in the evenings when she gets back, totalling about an hour and a half a day. A bit more over the weekend and when she’s unwell. Recently, she just wants excessive amounts and more and has started having mega tantrums when it’s time to leave or go to bed.

Tonight we had a 20 minute battle just to get upstairs as she was hysterical wanting more tv. It felt horrible her ending her dy this way… she did settle and enjoyed some books before sleep but it adds to the mum guilt. I try to gentle parent whilst setting boundaries eg. Tonight “sorry darling I know you want to watch more, but it’s late and it’s bedtime” etc and just wait for her to calm down before giving her a hug. Her dad has far less patience than I do though and I just want to know what people think is best to deal with this - if I do a hard ban on tv it seems a bit cruel given its how she winds down and I know it’ll be like an apocalypse 😬

any thoughts welcomed, Im bloody exhausted with the mental load between this and work!!!

That’s really hard and I can see how it would easily evolve. I would be of the view it’s not how she winds down and sometimes it looks like that but it’s more a zoning out and intense sensory and dopamine experience that her little brain isn’t able for. I would absolutely go cold turkey and replace with audio stories if you need her engaged for a while in something that isn’t super active.

@GoldCat255 abysmal parenting habits are you taking the fking p 😂😂😂 I’ve asked for advice regarding ONE subject causing tantrums - she is a really well rounded and polite child for her age for the most part outside of this. She has a playroom set up like a Montessori nursery setting, which she spends a good chunk of her indoor time playing in, particularly during the weekends if we aren’t out. My god what gives you the right to think you have the right to speak to people like this 😂
I have no doubt that one day she’ll appreciate the efforts and sacrifices I’ve made to give her a happy home & childhood, and respect that hard work reaps rewards and independence. One thing I am not, is an abysmal parent. We’re all learning.

Some absolutely insane responses on this thread. All from posters who I'm sure had far more telly growing up and are absolutely fine.

Agree with PP that there's good TV and bad TV. The most important thing is not to give children tablets or phones for as long as possible.

But my 3 year old watches lovely programmes with me: Thomas the Tank Engine, Postman Pat, The Tiger Who Came to Tea, Julia Donaldson, The Moomins, The Clangers etc. Lovely slow paced programmes that we enjoy together. This evening we watched an hour and a half of TV together in the run up to bedtime after a very long day outdoors in the cold. We watched an hour of Postman Pat followed by The Snowman and The Snowman and the Snowdog. It was lovely to cuddle up together with the fire on and watch these together in our jammies. Then we read some books together and he went to bed happy.

I don't see the problem with this whatsoever.

OP, your child isn't watching a ridiculous amount of telly. Just bear in mind the balance of how much time you have together if she's doing long days at nursery. My child is home by 4 on nursery days so we have 3 hours which is plenty of time to watch a programme, play, have dinner, have a bath etc. Maybe if you have less time you could just do a couple of the CBeebies bedtime stories instead. They're lovely and calm. The other thing to watch out for is which shows make her hyper. I don't allow any programmes that make my son go bonkers. But I don't need to ban telly altogether. It's nice to watch some things together. It also informs some of his imaginary play. He acts out storylines from books and from TV programmes in equal measure with his toys.

Two of my school age GC used to have milk in a bottle when they came to my place as they used to do when they were little. It was a sort of joke .. they knew it was bonkers and woud drink it with a smile! They appear to have come to no harm ......

I think it's fine to allow her to unwind with some TV after nursery. She's in a childcare setting for a long time (no judgment we had to do the same) and I can totally understand her needing that time to zone out and relax at home. However I think try to slowly limit the times (unless you need it for other reasons such as illness or you need to keep her occupied for whatever reason).

I would allow 20 mins on a morning and 40 mins after nursery - that would mean 1 hour a day which I think is a good balance. Let her have her 40 mins and explain to her it's two episodes or whatever it is so she knows it's coming to an end and have a relaxing activity set up for you to do together before bed after the screen time. So you could say "three episodes of this show and then we will do 20 minutes of colouring before bedtime." Then she knows she has something positive planned for afterwards. Don't set it out as a punishment or a limit, just "this is what's happening now".

@overthinker345 if your upset is aimed at my posts, I do apologise and genuinely mean that.

My cannot fathom, I quoted your sentence, the BECAUSE she is in nursery all day we allow the TV.

I absolutely said you are NOT a monster and that indeed I use screen time and tv time.

Text is hard to get the tone correct, none of what I said was intended to have a go at you, I just didn't gauge your first post correctly I suspect.

Apologies again.

I've had sick days where tv has been on all day. Like you, it's a balance and as soon as they start to demand it I change it.

My sister has the tv on all day every day. The kids barely pay attention. Background noise. A friend allows no tv and that's become a real issue now at school.

Cull the screen time completely and when she’s a little older reintroduce half an hour with a timer

No one does this! No sane person anyway! What if she’s watching a movie? CBeebies panto?

I'd just stop it altogether. I used to let my then 2 year old and 4 year old watch 2 episodes of Peppa Pig before bed. But younger one started having 30 minute crying tantrums when I switched off so I stopped it altogether. They got used to new routine almost immediately. We have never had morning tv as I was always worried the same thing would happen (grumpy before going out to school). They are so accustomed to no tv during week (and never in the morning, even at weekends/holidays etc), they know no different.

My sister had a 3 year old step grand-dauggter who was obsessed with the iPad. Did just told her it was broken and they were doing baking, painting, reading. Weve been in pubs were small babies have phones propped up in front of them to entertain whilst parents have lunch.
Turn the phones, tablets, tvs off and parent!

They do