Does anyone else do this? Presents on sibling's birthday

[igglepiggle599]

I have two DC close together who are just coming up to the age where they understand presents and special occasions. My DM keeps talking about buying one a present on the other's birthday. Her reasoning is that they are too young to understand why they don't also have presents and they'll be upset.

Despite this having been done with me, it's never really occurred to me to do this with my own children. My natural instinct tells me I shouldn't be teaching them to expect gifts on someone else's special day, but my DM thinks I'm being mean. Are they too young to understand? Is this a widespread practice?

I agree with you. Kids need to learn to accept they have to wait for stuff.

I think it's a nice idea, though IMO not widely practised.

If your DM is happy to do that, it might be a nice compromise. Your DC gets something and doesn't feel left out, and you don't have to worry about it.

We did this, but are phasing it out as they get older. But it was only something small, like a magazine and a packet of sweets, or a packet of top trumps and some stickers - that kind of level.
If I had more than 2 kids I probably wouldn't. But with only 2, and wanting a happy day, I think it's fine. It's a lot to expect a 3 year old to not be jealous of they see their only sibling getting lots of stuff and nothing for them.

I think this is a terrible idea. Children need to learn other people have birthdays/ nice things etc and how to deal with it.

my sister did this with her DCs, always having 2 cakes so they could both blow out candles etc and they are old enough now to know better but are still a nightmare. Then at childrens parties they are trying to blow out their friends cakes or “help” unwrap the presents on the table and it’s just appalling behaviour, she was really embarrassed as some school mum friends told her DC off for rifling through the present table!! Don’t start a habit you will then have to break.

We never did that and I don't think it's a great idea.

No, it’s not their day

I've never heard of this and I don't think it's a good idea. I think they need to learn that sometimes it's someone else's special day and to be happy for them, without bribary. I would imagine it will also be hard to phase out.

We something small like a magazine just so other one had something new to occupy them whilst the other got all the other presents. Only for a few years and it phased out naturally.

Thanks for the replies! We won't be doing it ourselves - I'll either tell my DM no and put my hard hat on or I might let her to do something small and allow my kids to believe it's an indulgent grandma thing. 😂

My nan used to do this for my kids, made them happy..

I don't have children, my brother has three and I could never remember their birthdays so I would send all three an 'unbirthday present' at some time in the year.

I'm in my 50s but remember a neighbour doing this with her kids when I was young. I thought it was really odd then and still do.

I never did it. Kids learn quickly. I don’t agree with having to pacify a child with stuff to avoid them having a tantrum.

I don't do this, but I don't see any harm in it. If it works to make the day easier/better then go for it. As long as your children aren't split rotten for the rest of the year I don't think an unbirthday present is going to lead to them becoming an unbearable little git.

We don't do it, but our lovely (grandparent-aged) neighbours do often get a token something for the unbirthday child as well as a small gift for the birthday child. It's a kind gesture, and our children seem to be fine understanding it as a lovely bonus that doesn't come from anyone else, so I'd be inclined to let your mum do something small and treat it as an indulgent grandma thing.

My parents did this when we were small (now on our 50s and a couple of years between us).
I don't think it happened for more than a couple of years and the non birthday present was small.
I guess it stopped tears when eg the oldest turned 6 and younger was 3 so didn't understand that well.
Both are well adjusted adults who don't expect presents on our own birthdays, never mind other people's.
There was no double cake/was clear who was having the party and whose special day it was.

Had this when I was a kid - was usually a box of sweets! Liked it. Especially for the younger sibling.

My friend bought for both. A step up she gave both cash when 1 lost a tooth. Obviously the older one lost theirs first but the poor dc never had anything that was just about her.
As adults the dc have zero relationship and haven't since teenage.. Let the birthday dc have 1 day about them ffs. They all get one don't they?.

My parents did that when we were young, there were 3 of us and would be something like mugs with sweets in (x 3, identical for all including the bd child) or a pack of bubbles. Or marbles.

Still remember the resentment when it was declared we were old enough not to do thst anymore (maybe like 7) but it was after my birthday ajd before theirs and i was the youngest 🤣

If I did it I would be small things, the same for both and probably something that could immediately played with.
Matching yo yo, shared family card game, jigsaw, something like that.

Thanks again! Hopefully I can convince her to do something small - I remember getting rollerblades on my sister's birthday one year and she ended up jealous on her own birthday. 😬 I think we were also at least in our teens by the time it stopped... However, I like to think we're not massively entitled adults as we don't demand presents for any occasion now. 😂

Terrible idea! The way to help the non-birthday child not feel left out is to get them feel excited by being a present-giver. Make sure they have something the birthday child will like and get them excited about watching birthday child's reaction, get them to help wrap it, encourage them to make a card and talk about how much birthday child will like it, maybe involve them in making the cake, etc.

No I never did this I have 4 children so that would get very expensive

Nope, never did and never would.
SIL (who is PF and S born to an extreme degree) used to do it - fine, but then expected us to.
I refused to do it other than maybe a packet of chocolate buttons but once we visited on her PSB's bday and she presented us with a wrapped gift that we were to give to PFB from us so she didn't feel left out
I said absolutely no way would I be doing that, she had a huff but I did not care.

My uncle and aunt in law did this with my two cousins when we were children. I thought it was very odd when I was a child and still do.

A packet of smarties for a small child is fine surely? We did it until the youngest was 10. They liked it! They aren’t spoilt at all.