Does anyone else do this? Presents on sibling's birthday

[igglepiggle599]

I have two DC close together who are just coming up to the age where they understand presents and special occasions. My DM keeps talking about buying one a present on the other's birthday. Her reasoning is that they are too young to understand why they don't also have presents and they'll be upset.

Despite this having been done with me, it's never really occurred to me to do this with my own children. My natural instinct tells me I shouldn't be teaching them to expect gifts on someone else's special day, but my DM thinks I'm being mean. Are they too young to understand? Is this a widespread practice?

My grandmother insisted on doing this and I hated it as a kid. If it was my birthday I resented my sibling getting a present as well, and if it was theirs I felt embarrassed.

No. Its an early lesson in resilience. Millions and millions of kids have survived childhood witthout hijacking their siblings birthdays.

It’s one of those things that sounds nice and kind and well-meaning but it’s better in the long term for DC to learn to be resilient.

Yes they will experience jealousy and see their siblings be celebrated above them. You’ve only got to look at those ‘You’ve been Framed’ clips where one child is showing off to the camera and another is sulking. It’s part of life and self-development.

Better that they experience and learn how to manage those feelings when they’re young and look back and laugh.

No we didn’t do this. Would get expensive with four children!

As a mum, I taught my children that the joy on giving a gift for someone’s birthday was special and that the birthday child gets a gift but they get the pleasure of choosing and giving a gift,

im a nan now, and as a nan I think I’m soft. I never buy gifts for the other children but I will have something in my bag that is sharing even just some colouring pens. Mine you my son says that doesn’t count (he’s here and laughing at my comment over my shoulder- he’s the dad 😂) he says I always have stuff that just happens to be in my bag most times I visit ( which is true 🥹)

Of course not, they need to learn that just bcos someone gets something they don’t need something too.
My gran use to do that and I’d have a much more expensive present than my sibling, utter madness.

I always did it with my two nieces (sisters) until they were old enough to understand I never wanted the other to feel left out so I always got them something little.

A strange idea to get DC used to expect to receive gifts on others birthdays. 🤷

As a pp said, part of growing up is learning that other people have special occasions, and that it is a Good Thing, and nice to help others celebrate.

I wouldn't do it myself but equally I wouldn't stop my DM from doing it for the kids if she wanted to.

This is a hill I will die on!! I strongly believe that child's birthday is the one day a year that is ALL about them! Every other day aim for equity. Birthday is about the birthday child. If someone brought my other child a present that day I would give it to them another day! Better to support other child to be excited for their sibling than to expect something for an event unrelated to them!

We do this.

My grandparents did this and my parents did it for my DC. None of us grew up as brats who felt entitled to gifts on other people’s birthdays or special occasions! I daresay it prevented a few toddler tantrums but as soon as we were old enough to understand at age 4 or so we understood that it was just a nice family tradition.

How is it any different to party bags or wedding favours? How about grandparents bringing gifts or treats when they visit? My grandparents did that too. We didn’t feel entitled to presents when they visited because we were taught by our parents that we were lucky that our grandparents were generous and could afford to be generous, and maybe next time they might not bring a gift. We understood from a young age that our paternal grandmother had less money and 22 DGC and DGGC so her gifts were smaller but it is the thought that counts. We understood because we taught that as soon as we were old enough to understand. You don’t need to learn that lesson by feeling jealous when you are a toddler and don’t really understand the concept of birthdays and can’t control your emotions yet.

Why not make life easy for everyone with a token gift and teach your DC once they are old enough to understand? To me, it’s not like giving in to tantrums because it is a rare occasion. Why spoil another child’s birthday with a crying sibling and have to deal with the stress of a tantrum and let the non birthday child be upset? It’s not really a learning moment anyway because by the next time it happens, a 2 or 3 year old will have forgotten what happened a year ago, and a 4 year old is old enough to understand and hopefully has grown out of tantrums. It seems pretty harmless to me.

Our neighbours did it when we were kids - DM thought it was a terrible idea and that DC just learn to accept that it’s their sibling’s day. Was never a problem with ours - or with nieces and nephews who are much closer in age. There’s no way I would do it.

My mum always gave my sister and I a present on each others birthday. I loved it as a child and thought it was weird as I got older. My children never got gifts on their siblings birthdays.

My sister does this with her children- I don’t anymore, did it once when the youngest was 2 and would go mental, but now nope they need to understand it’s not their day

No. I still remember my nephew having his own cake with candles to blow out on my birthday because he'd been upset that the cake they'd baked wasn't for him. He was 4, I was 10. Both were lit at the same time so the family sung happy birthday to both of us. Felt blooming weird tbh!! Was told it was because he was too young to understand, but I didn't really understand either. I'm the youngest of my siblings and I remember when I questioned DNph getting a cake it was suggested I was the one being selfish/spoilt not wanting to share my birthday.

So definitely not something I'll be repeating. It's your birthday, your song, your cake, your gifts. And on their birthday it's their time. The only person other than me getting gifts on my birthday is my mum, always send her flowers as it was a pretty big day for her too 😂

I never did this. I had five kids, all very close in age and it was hard enough affording birthday presents for each birthday, never mind having to recompense all the others for perceived jealousy (which they never seemed to feel).

Children need to learn to feel disappointed and jealous. They need to learn that others will be the centre of attention at times, and that their turn will come. All of my kids enjoyed their birthday being THEIR day, and not having to share for once!

We did this, it was never to prevent a tantrum though, they are adults now and it never caused any problems with a lack of resilience or expecting presents on other peoples birthdays!! It was only ever a small thing like sweets and a comic or a little toy. One of my kids is a xmas birthday and the other a summer so it felt a nice way to make the xmas kid have a treat half way through the year too.

Seemingly a bit against the grain but we do this and so do my parents and MIL. Its normally something useful rather than a frivolous gift - so if birthday girl has asked for new pyjamas alongside lots of other larger gifts, we might get the sibling a pair of pyjamas too, as in reality she would need them within a couple of months anyway. Ours are very close in age (16 months) so orignally it was to smooth the proceedings over, but as time goes on and they are now older (8&9) we still do it and it feels nice - we call it a 'sister present'. The birthday girl still feels special as literally everything else is about them (more presents, balloons, cake, party).

My parents did this and then phased it out as we got older & it was only ever something very small compared to the person whose birthday it was…. I thought it was a nice thing to do. My siblings and I still grew up still understanding that other people have birthdays. Some people commenting are being abit mean 😂

Never did this as just sets up for problems. If you really wanted your other Dc to feel part of their sibling's birthday you could give them a special task to do for the birthday child maybe?

Mad idea. At Christmas everyone gets gifts, birthdays are just about the birthday person. It’s good to learn to celebrate other people as early as possible and this is an easy to understand way to do it.

My eldest child has a birthday the week before Christmas while my youngest is midsummer, so it makes sense to space out the presents. It’s no big thing to quote Flop.

This 100%!

we always did this and called it an unbirthday present, they loved it, I have no idea where the idea came from but it worked for us in the 90s.