Does anyone else do this? Presents on sibling's birthday

[igglepiggle599]

I have two DC close together who are just coming up to the age where they understand presents and special occasions. My DM keeps talking about buying one a present on the other's birthday. Her reasoning is that they are too young to understand why they don't also have presents and they'll be upset.

Despite this having been done with me, it's never really occurred to me to do this with my own children. My natural instinct tells me I shouldn't be teaching them to expect gifts on someone else's special day, but my DM thinks I'm being mean. Are they too young to understand? Is this a widespread practice?

I really dislike this. Why shouldn't we each have a special day once a year? It teaches children the right kind of things to love and give on another's birthday without having anything in return. Their turn will come.

I wouldn't. They need to learn that sometimes it is their turn and sometimes, someone else's.

We did it with 2 18 months apart in age - it was something small though like a colouring book or dinky car or some sweets . Not sure when we stopped but I think it was before they went to school or in the early years stage

My PILs do this and I think it’s lovely. It’s always something really small - a sticker book or magazine or sweets.

The kids absolutely understand it’s not their birthday and the presents are not comparable but it’s also nice to receive something. I imagine it will phase out as they get older but for now (they are 4 and 6) I don’t see anything wrong with it.

My aunt did this for my kids until they were in their teens! I’m not sure why because it’s definitely not a thing in our family and the dc were always a bit bemused by it - but never turned down the packet of sweets!

Terrible idea. Birthdays are supposed to be the one day when it's all about the birthday child!

I'd also think if it's genuinely needed to pacify the non-birthday child then perhaps the parenting is a bit off. I've never seen a child get grumpy over another child having a fuss on their birthday? Surely you just teach them from a young age that it's fun to be the gift/surprise giver too? Appreciating that someone else's birthday is about them not you seem a fairly basic message 😅

We did this for three years ...there is 19 month gap
It was a very small something ...less than £5
If gap has been bigger I wouldn't but it's hard for a toddler to understand.

We did it when they were younger, but I think we've phased it out, as I can't remember doing it any more (age 5&7). It was a token thing, like a magazine as a gift to celebrate the date they become a big/little sister (ok, that only works in one direction, but they've not worked that out) 😂.

We don't do it but my mother did for my 3yo when his sister turned 2y. She didn't need to as he just liked helping his sister open her presents.

I would never have done that. It detracts from how special the day is for the birthday child. The other children get tummy birthday food / cake, get to be involved in the fun. There's no need to teach them that their siblings aren't allowed to be special in their own right. I'd think that would store up jealousy trouble for later.

My grandma gave me a little toy cat on my sister’s birthday once when I was about 6, I remember being chuffed but also thinking it was odd 😄

I always did it when mine were smaller (although always got flamed for it on here!). My two were/are very close, though - and always did share their things well. I remember one year one DD asking excitingly “can we get this for my sister for when it’s my birthday?”, which I thought was quite sweet. They’ve grown out of it naturally and are perfectly able to
celebrate each other, both at birthdays and at other times where one is in the limelight.

A sibling’s birthday still meant special treats like cake, special meal, balloons etc so my kids were more than happy to celebrate.

I really really dislike giving siblings presents on birthdays. I won’t do it with my kids and it was never done with me and my siblings. Sometimes when we were very little we’d have a bit of a sulk about not having presents but it taught us that giving is just as good as getting presents and now our favourite part of Christmas is giving each other presents.

We always told our children "everyone is special and everyone gets different treats at different times". They're all in their 20s now and don't seem to have been damaged by that.

The most difficult explanation was with dd1 (oldest) and ds whose birthdays are on the 3rd (ds) and 6th (dd1). She found it hard to understand that he was younger but got his birthday first!!

My dm used to buy something for my niece on other peoples birthdays, but never for my dd because she was 'old enough to understand' - 6 months between them mind.
The real reason was because my niece used to tantrum every single time anyone else got something and she didn't and wasn't parented out of it. Obviously it did stop eventually, but there were some embarrassing moments for her parents along the way.
I would never do this personally. I'd have balloons, bubbles, party games etc instead. And maybe open presents at another time if it's a situation like in my example.

My parents did this.

I didn't really like getting something on my sibling's birthday as they made me feel like I had demanded it. But my siblings liked getting the present on my birthday because they said they would have been left out otherwise.

I don't do it for my children. They do need to understand that it's OK for their sibling to have a day that's about them, because they get a day too. And learn how to celebrate someone else as well as be celebrated.

Unfortunately my parents don't see it that way and do what they did when they were the parents. I also suspect they continue to give my sibling a gift on my birthday.