I couldn't find my 2 year old and called the police

[Queenxxx]

Hey, I'm a mum of two and my eldest child is 2 almost three. Yesterday my worst worst nightmare as a parent came true. We were invited for a dinner at my sister in laws house and there were a few other families too. There were like a total of 8 kids. All of the kids were playing together upstairs, I was in the kitchen helping with the food and my husband was in the living room. We were so relaxed because this is our immediate family and our child was safe and with his cousins, the eldest cousin is 10 so we were content. I brought my son downstairs for my husband to feed him. Everything was going fine, the last I saw him my husband was feeding him. I then went back into the kitchen. My sil wanted to give some food to the neighbours so she opened the door and sent her son to give the food. About 15 minutes later I realised that my son isn't downstairs but I was relaxed thinking he's probably on the stairs watching the iPad with his cousin but he wasn't there either, I panicked and ran upstairs and couldn't see him. I ran downstairs and told my husband that I couldn't find our son. It was 9pm, dark outside and the only thing we could think is that my sister in law had sent her son next door and maybe when the door was open our son went after him. That's all we could think and we all panicked. My husband went and checked all of upstairs twice and so did I but we didn't see him, we were so panicked that we didn't even look properly (check under the beds and wardrobes). There were 6 adults in the house and 5 of us ran outside and began searching the streets screaming his name. All I could think was he's too small to understand not to go on the road, it's so dark anything could've happened, the more we searched the more panicked I became I wasn't even thinking just running and running, screaming his name. All of the neighbours had come out, my husband was checking the neighbour's cctv, we were both crying. 10 minutes hadn't even passed and I just picked up the phone and called the police, I had already imagined the worst all I could think about was the road and cars. I was having a panic attack and couldn't even breath, I called the police and told them I can't find my 2 year old son. They immediately sent out police and were taking my details when my niece said he's there he's there. I look up and see him standing on the stairs😭😭. I ran to him and asked where were you? When he saw me and his father crying he started crying too. I told the police officer on the phone that we had found him. He said where was he? I replied he was upstairs, he is standing on the stairs. He then said "you're not in trouble but I'm going to need your details" I said "of course no problem and have him all my details. He said "I'll cancel the police that were on the way"

We were just so happy that he was safe and had been in the house when 15 minutes later a police officer arrived and asked us what had happened. I explained that he was upstairs the whole time maybe hiding under a bed. She just looked at me soooo weirdly and asked "why was he hiding?" I said idk, I'm not even sure if he was hiding, he just was upstairs and we didn't check properly I guess bc it's not our house and we didn't know where he could've possibly been hiding.

Anyway now I'm just so worried that they will take further action or get social services involved. I'm not a bad mother I just panicked. He was safe and was playing with his cousins. Also, he hides when he does something naughty like break something or spill something, he also hides when he needs to poo (he wears a nappy) like that's just how he is and what he does. Maybe he had hidden because he did something or needed to poo IDK why he hid he doesn't normally do this. I'm just SO frustrated and worried now UGH

When my cousin was about 4 she crawled between a gap in the fence into next doors garden and hid in their Wendy house for 3 hours. She wanted to play with it but when people started called her she thought she'd be in trouble so she stayed in there hiding.

All the adults were frantic, police were called and obviously me and my sister (5 and 4) knew where she was but we didn't tell them in case she got in trouble. The dog found her in the end.

My son used to do this until I learned where his hiding places were. Initially it was a head fuck trying to find him.

My DS now 14 used to hide all of time when he was small and we also had an almost identical situation where he had gone “missing” in our house when he was 4. We (myself, partner and a friend) had tore the house apart looking for him, calling his name searching for him. We were absolutely frantic for what felt like hours but must have only been ten/fifteen minutes. It was only when I was crying on the phone to the police on loud speaker that out from a single cube in my ikea kallax storage unit in the same room I was stood popped my son saying “don’t cry mummy I’m here I was only playing hide and seek”. Obviously it didn’t have any storage boxes in it it was just an open unit but you’d never imagine a child could fit inside a gap so small. The police woman kindly spoke to him and stressed the importance that everyone must be aware and involved in any more games of hide and seek and they went on their way.

I’d never been so shocked in my entire life. The thoughts and imaginings that ran through my mind in those moments that he had been abducted and I’d never see him again and the stress and terror I had been through in that short space of time for him to have been just a foot away from me the entire time.

Just as with yourselves the police turned up to check the situation was fine and social service did a welfare call to offer any help but assured me that I wasn’t in any trouble as well. He did this many times over the years as he was small for his age up until the age of about seven and around that same time he hid in one of those large wooden roleplay washing machines at school for two and a half hours. The school were frantic, we were frantic and the police were called again and he was eventually found by an unsuspecting TA who was tidying up after a playtime session.

Im not saying this is the case with your child because children do all sorts of daft things for no reason but when my son was a bit older he was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD and used hiding as a way of coping with being overwhelmed. He’s far too big to be hiding now and thankfully has developed some much safer coping mechanisms but for years we had to watch him like a hawk or you’d never know where he would end up.

In short, you’re nowhere near a terrible parent and nothing bad will come of it from a social services point of view. You’ve suffered enough so don’t allow yourself to feel any worse. These things do happen.

Police are obliged to note the incident on their systems, as they have to do with everything, but you won't hear anything. It's just in case there are patterns of events with the same children, as others have said.
I lost my DS for a few moments (abroad, ffs) and it was among the worst 5 mins of my life. Try to relax for now - you will encounter various scary parental moments in the future!!

Awwww, sending a hug. What a scary experience.

One of mine (aged two) wandered off in a shop once - the shop doors were open so I was terrified he'd gone out of the shop.

Your life goes from 'normal to nightmare' in the moment you realise they're gone.

I'm so glad he's alright.

Sorry what?!? Why on earth would you still need to see a doctor. And why on earth would they need to report that to SS. What a complete waste of time and resources. Jesus Christ the world really has gone tomorrow had in the last 10 years.

Don't be so ridiculous!!!!!

SS would be constantly rushed off their feet if they followed up every briefly missing toddler. There'd be no time for anything else.

And where does it say OP and her family didn't care when he couldn't be found quickly? I can't find this anywhere....

My dc went missing once (long story) and the police turned up shouting and banging the door front and back like the riot police! They came in and searched the whole house. I didn’t think they would find dc in the house as they weren’t a hider but it was an obvious thing to do looking back.

It was starting to get dark and the officers were discussing calling out the helicopters.

Fortunately my dc was found soon after in a local church.

That was horrible to relive that story!

You’ve misinterpreted the post. The poster means social service would be more worried about a child whose parents weren’t bothered that they had gone missing. In fairness the OP initially did the same.

Be kind to yourself OP. If he was hiding upstairs he was lost in your eyes and you called the police. If SS do contact you then you've done nothing wrong and just be honest. Please don't beat yourself up about this.

Op,

If it makes you feel any better , it happens at least twice a week , and more in the holidays . I’ve blue lighted it to more family addresses than I can count , only to find small child asleep under the bed , asleep with the dog in their bed , or some other completely random place . It happens , in shops , playgrounds , parks , everywhere . We take people’s details purely because it’s a child come to notice , and after cases that have ended in tragedy , we now go the other way and take peoples details just to be sure . Honestly , it’ll get written up as child was at home and never missing and that will be that.

Mark it down as something to embarrass them with when they’re 18 .

and FWIW I did exactly the same when one of mine decided to go and find a sweet shop . At 4 , two days after we’d moved house and hadn’t realised he had worked out how to get out.

dont worry, they are just doing their job.
When my daughter was about 8 I was in and out the front door doing gardening, she was coming in and out with me when suddenly I realised she’d disappeared. We lived on a new half built estate with builders and tradesman back and forth all the time.
I convinced myself she’d been abducted and called the police in hysterics. 5 minutes later we found her in the neighbours garden! I called and cancelled the police but they insisted they had to come out anyway to make sure everything was ok.
I thought I’d be on some ‘watch list’ but we never heard from them again…

I lost my ds in a shop once. Frantic, searching ended in hysterical crying.

Ds pops up out from under a loads on clothes on a rail. "Why are you crying"

"Because I couldn't find you"

"But I'm here mummy" 😫😂😂

My ds was later diagnosed autistic and couldn't understand that I didn't know where he was because he knew where he was!

Aw OP! I just want to give you a hug! You did the right thing. When you are anxious you're clarity goes, hence why you couldn't look properly. I would have done exactly the same. Don't feel bad about it.

Oh these things happen OP, don't worry about it, the police aren't thinking you're bad parents or anything.
My parents lost me when I was a toddler. We lived in a house set back from the road, behind a pizza parlour and another house, and there was a little alleyway between the pizza parlour and the house next to it, and it smelt so good there because of the pizzas and I wandered out of the garden and down to the alley and sat on the steps next to the very very busy road to smell the pizzas. They were very panicked apparently, and searched everywhere but eventually found me there, safe and sound and very happy!

My neighbours at the last house I lived in lost their small daughter once. They searched everywhere, up and down the road and all the neighbours helped but no one could find her so the police were called, and the search dogs were brought out. There was a lake just behind the houses so there was talk of getting divers out and then they found her, fast asleep under a bush down the road! I lost my own daughter in that same bush a couple of years later but she was found much quicker, before we called the police.

They won't think you're bad parents. Especially as he was indoors all the time. He may have fallen asleep under the bed.

Don't be so fucking ridiculous, it's not like they all put their feet up and went to sleep is it? They were outside panicking after upstairs had been checked and thought that the 2 year old had got outside and wandered off. If the OP hadn't have phoned the police as quickly as she did then you would be saying "bit concerning you waited for so long before contacting the police" shit like this happens all the time and as far as social services are concerned it will be a non issue but at least you aren't overreacting

on the. asks of the Op’s posting history… she has MUCH bigger issues to worry about than whether or not social services make an enquiry (and in fact social services involvement would likely be a good thing)

One day you will loo back on this and, well not laugh, but know that everything was OK.

If it is any consolation similar happened to a friend of mine, she was living in Spain, her dad had a bar and her toddler went missing.

He was actually asleep under a pool table.

The police would much rather come out to a parent who's child has just turned up, been hiding, fallen asleep somewhere than many many other things.

I did EXACTLY this in almost identical circumstances (he was 4). The police asked appropriate questions to check there wasn't something going on (he was hiding in his friend's bedroom cupboard), and then left us to it. No follow up. One of the most terrifying moments of my life. Little sod is now 22 and thriving.

I think you misread the post, she's saying the police are going to worry about a family who didn't care when they couldn't find their 2yo, not a family who did.

Actually, that's a really good point that I hadn't picked up on.
Toddlers spill/break things all the time, not intentionally, they are learning and developing. They also can't realise that once something is broken, it can't always be fixed back together again.

I do find it quite sad if he's told off for a perfectly normal stage of development.