I couldn't find my 2 year old and called the police

[Queenxxx]

Hey, I'm a mum of two and my eldest child is 2 almost three. Yesterday my worst worst nightmare as a parent came true. We were invited for a dinner at my sister in laws house and there were a few other families too. There were like a total of 8 kids. All of the kids were playing together upstairs, I was in the kitchen helping with the food and my husband was in the living room. We were so relaxed because this is our immediate family and our child was safe and with his cousins, the eldest cousin is 10 so we were content. I brought my son downstairs for my husband to feed him. Everything was going fine, the last I saw him my husband was feeding him. I then went back into the kitchen. My sil wanted to give some food to the neighbours so she opened the door and sent her son to give the food. About 15 minutes later I realised that my son isn't downstairs but I was relaxed thinking he's probably on the stairs watching the iPad with his cousin but he wasn't there either, I panicked and ran upstairs and couldn't see him. I ran downstairs and told my husband that I couldn't find our son. It was 9pm, dark outside and the only thing we could think is that my sister in law had sent her son next door and maybe when the door was open our son went after him. That's all we could think and we all panicked. My husband went and checked all of upstairs twice and so did I but we didn't see him, we were so panicked that we didn't even look properly (check under the beds and wardrobes). There were 6 adults in the house and 5 of us ran outside and began searching the streets screaming his name. All I could think was he's too small to understand not to go on the road, it's so dark anything could've happened, the more we searched the more panicked I became I wasn't even thinking just running and running, screaming his name. All of the neighbours had come out, my husband was checking the neighbour's cctv, we were both crying. 10 minutes hadn't even passed and I just picked up the phone and called the police, I had already imagined the worst all I could think about was the road and cars. I was having a panic attack and couldn't even breath, I called the police and told them I can't find my 2 year old son. They immediately sent out police and were taking my details when my niece said he's there he's there. I look up and see him standing on the stairs😭😭. I ran to him and asked where were you? When he saw me and his father crying he started crying too. I told the police officer on the phone that we had found him. He said where was he? I replied he was upstairs, he is standing on the stairs. He then said "you're not in trouble but I'm going to need your details" I said "of course no problem and have him all my details. He said "I'll cancel the police that were on the way"

We were just so happy that he was safe and had been in the house when 15 minutes later a police officer arrived and asked us what had happened. I explained that he was upstairs the whole time maybe hiding under a bed. She just looked at me soooo weirdly and asked "why was he hiding?" I said idk, I'm not even sure if he was hiding, he just was upstairs and we didn't check properly I guess bc it's not our house and we didn't know where he could've possibly been hiding.

Anyway now I'm just so worried that they will take further action or get social services involved. I'm not a bad mother I just panicked. He was safe and was playing with his cousins. Also, he hides when he does something naughty like break something or spill something, he also hides when he needs to poo (he wears a nappy) like that's just how he is and what he does. Maybe he had hidden because he did something or needed to poo IDK why he hid he doesn't normally do this. I'm just SO frustrated and worried now UGH

oh don’t be a drama llama again

no one is calling you “insane”

@Queenxxx I feel bad laughing so much. I’ve done the same with a dog I was looking after , a small one where I’m used to bigger dogs. Just like the SpecSavers ad I’m yelling Archie, Archie, oh my god I’ve lost him, started to run. Then realised he was plodding along behind me.

well not “saying”

“as I was screaming my husband and my son's name. “

Yes sorry, OTT reaction. Surely worst case scenario whoever misses the train would just get the next one? You’re both adults and there was no unaccompanied minor? And as you say, he answered when you rang him. Not sure what you wanted the other people on the platform to stop and help with.

When I was a baby my parents somehow lost me in a supermarket, I assume I was in a car carrier. Apparently an announcement came over the tannoy saying that a baby had been found, could the parents please collect her from till 5 and that her nappy needed changing 😳

Another time when I was about 8, I lost my parents on the underground when they got on a train not realising I wasn't with them. I was always told that if we got separated, I should stay where I was. They got off at the next stop to get on a train back and luckily were able to find me. They must have been frantic.

You haven't read the other posts. We don't live in London. It was the wrong train on the platform. And I thought they'd gotten on it.

I think people are thinking I was this hysterical crying woman pelting it up and down the platform. I wasn't crying. I was just panicking.

OP I feel for you. This happened to us when DD was 3. We were visiting a relative who has a very big house with lots of nooks and crannies, perfect for hiding in. I was feeding baby DS and DH was chatting to relative, but DD wanted to explore and was playing with her uncle. He had to pop out and we went to find her, but she seemed to have disappeared. It's crazy how fast you go from the rational 'oh she must be in the house somewhere' to full on 'oh god where the hell is she??'. With BIL popping out we were worried she'd somehow slipped out, even though he shut the (heavy) door behind him and would have noticed her going past!

We found her under a bed, she'd been too scared to shout out because she was worried she was in trouble. Two minutes later we would have been calling the police, both me and DH had our phones out and even the relatives whose house it was seemed very worried, and she is usually super calm!

My point is - there's no fear like it when you think you've lost your child. I grew up with the James Bulger case and knowing only too well how easily a toddler can be distracted and led away. And they do say to be the noisy parent if you lose your child, straight away. So I'd say your reaction was entirely normal. Hope all well now.

i’ve read them
still stand by running around screaming
when you haven’t seen your husband and child for a very short period of time is OTT

I think people are thinking I was this hysterical crying woman pelting it up and down the platform

maybe read your post
this is very much how you described yourself!

But even if they’d got on the wrong train then as long as your child wasn’t alone then it’s not a huge issue.

The reason people have assumed you were hysterical is because in your post you described yourself running up and down the platform screaming and hoping someone would help to the point that people were looking at you as if you were insane.

The post wasn't for you though was it.

I was sharing this for OP to show her we've all panicked in situations and it's nothing to be ashamed. That sometimes it happened. I wouldn't panic now but I experienced it at the time. To me I felt like my family was gone and I panicked because it was a busy platform.

Sometimes people re live experiences they've had in the past when situations feel a little familiar.

Yes logically when I stand back and look I can say why did I do that and actually laugh knowing nothing would have happened.

I can't take it back for you, me or my family it happened. It was a feeling I felt at the time and you're actually being quite unkind to me now like a bully. Do you want me to be ashamed of myself or something.

We called the police when I lost DS in a park and panicked. We found him and then called them to cancel. They said they might call to the house but never did. It will be ok. It was absolutely terrifying at the time so big hug.

He hides when he does something naughty like break something or spill something

That's a bit worrying, tbh.

The element of it that jumps out is the word naughty applied to spilling or breaking something, when the perpetrator is going on three.

How do you interpret the idea of "naughty", OP? What thought process do you think is happening in your DS's mind when he spills or breaks something?

oh don’t be silly

we thought your response of screaming for your husband and child at a train station was OTT

no bullying
just thinking you were OTT

so try to refrain now from an OTT reaction

so try to refrain now from an OTT reaction

Are you like 16 or something? This is the kind of response I'd expect from a teenager.

Anyway I can't be bothered with this any more I have a newborns nappy to change and I need to try and get some sleep.

Go find someone else to belittle.

you’d expect a 16 year old to ask a poster to refrain from an OTT reaction (bandying around the word “bullying” for example) simply because a number of us read your scenario of running around the platform screaming for your husband and son… as somewhat OTT

in that case, i have no problem with being compared to such a teen!

🤷

I would have done exactly the same! When panic hits you in the face you can’t see / hear / act like you normally would and I echo another poster, if SS does call (doubtful!), just reframe the situation and be glad they’re there x

My Mum and I found a 3 year old outside a supermarket trying to cross the road this year - but he hadn’t come out of the shop. We called the police and it turned out he had followed his big brother out the door (he didn’t realise - on his bike and headphones), toddler lost sight of his brother and instead of heading back in, he went to look for him - his Nan was looking after him and didn’t realise he’d gone until 15 mins later when she went to give him his snack. She had phoned the police too in a blind panic (because you totally would!!) - we all ended up on the side of the road with the police, the Nan, the brother, the supermarket security…so it can totally happen with little ones!

I’m so glad all was ok for you x

@Queenxxx - my DH similarly briefly lost our toddler in a dept store. I had gone off to look at something and asked him to keep an eye but he let her follow me thinking she would catch me up. Of course, she didn’t as he realised when I returned a few minutes later and asked where she was. Fortunately we found her pretty quickly but he never made that mistake again!!!

As PPs have said: when there are lots of people about can be the worst time for losing a child. It’s also a mistake to rely on older children to keep an eye (another mistake we made just once). And handover is another risky time (some friends of ours lost their 7 yo on the beach for 30 minutes or so). It’s terrifying when it happens, OP, but it happens quite often and you’ve learnt some useful lessons as a result. The main lesson is that a 2 yo really needs to be around an adult at all times unless they’re in bed.

Nope. You are wrong.....

Your post matches your user name....

Don't worry OP. Same thing happened to us in a supermarket.
Toddler DS was standing next to me and the trolley at checkout, next thing he was gone !!!!

Same as you OP, police called and customers and staff searching.
He was found crouching down under a cash register, laughing his cheeky little head off.

So scary though, I remember my legs just gave way.
No further response from police or SS so don't worry.

DS is 30 now and he thinks it's hilarious. He's autistic and loves to repeat it.....

I once lost my 2 year old for approximately 2 minute in a museum we knew well. He had exited the child play area and made a dash for a glass locked door, and was just standing in the corner of the door trying to push it open. It's one of the worst experiences of my life, I remember running around SCREAMING at the top of my voice, but also barely able to actually see or register anything, I told the lovely security guard who kept telling me to sit down and wait to fuck off (Wildly out of character, I've never sworn at anyone in seriousness before!). It was like I couldn't breathe. The thought of him on the road, kidnapped, fallen down the stairs kept rolling through my mind, it was almost like I could see my own thoughts instead of what was in front of me. When I found him - just standing there - I literally sunk to my knees to hug him, while uncontrollably sobbing. I have tears in my eyes just typing this and it was years and years ago.

All of this to say - your reaction is completely normal. You did the right thing. The poster upthrad is correct, they would be worried if you hadn't called, it you genuinely thought your child was lost.

I have no idea why you are getting such a hard time. I’d have shouted for them too, that platform is crazy when a London train comes in. I do not get from your post that you were ‘running around screaming’.

Agreed.

I read it differently.

I thought @Tiredmumtoboy was reassuring OP that's it's normal to panic, even when dh and ds have gone missing together.

I feel she was trying to be helpful but as usual on Mumsnet, there are "varying" ways of reading things.....