I couldn't find my 2 year old and called the police

[Queenxxx]

Hey, I'm a mum of two and my eldest child is 2 almost three. Yesterday my worst worst nightmare as a parent came true. We were invited for a dinner at my sister in laws house and there were a few other families too. There were like a total of 8 kids. All of the kids were playing together upstairs, I was in the kitchen helping with the food and my husband was in the living room. We were so relaxed because this is our immediate family and our child was safe and with his cousins, the eldest cousin is 10 so we were content. I brought my son downstairs for my husband to feed him. Everything was going fine, the last I saw him my husband was feeding him. I then went back into the kitchen. My sil wanted to give some food to the neighbours so she opened the door and sent her son to give the food. About 15 minutes later I realised that my son isn't downstairs but I was relaxed thinking he's probably on the stairs watching the iPad with his cousin but he wasn't there either, I panicked and ran upstairs and couldn't see him. I ran downstairs and told my husband that I couldn't find our son. It was 9pm, dark outside and the only thing we could think is that my sister in law had sent her son next door and maybe when the door was open our son went after him. That's all we could think and we all panicked. My husband went and checked all of upstairs twice and so did I but we didn't see him, we were so panicked that we didn't even look properly (check under the beds and wardrobes). There were 6 adults in the house and 5 of us ran outside and began searching the streets screaming his name. All I could think was he's too small to understand not to go on the road, it's so dark anything could've happened, the more we searched the more panicked I became I wasn't even thinking just running and running, screaming his name. All of the neighbours had come out, my husband was checking the neighbour's cctv, we were both crying. 10 minutes hadn't even passed and I just picked up the phone and called the police, I had already imagined the worst all I could think about was the road and cars. I was having a panic attack and couldn't even breath, I called the police and told them I can't find my 2 year old son. They immediately sent out police and were taking my details when my niece said he's there he's there. I look up and see him standing on the stairs😭😭. I ran to him and asked where were you? When he saw me and his father crying he started crying too. I told the police officer on the phone that we had found him. He said where was he? I replied he was upstairs, he is standing on the stairs. He then said "you're not in trouble but I'm going to need your details" I said "of course no problem and have him all my details. He said "I'll cancel the police that were on the way"

We were just so happy that he was safe and had been in the house when 15 minutes later a police officer arrived and asked us what had happened. I explained that he was upstairs the whole time maybe hiding under a bed. She just looked at me soooo weirdly and asked "why was he hiding?" I said idk, I'm not even sure if he was hiding, he just was upstairs and we didn't check properly I guess bc it's not our house and we didn't know where he could've possibly been hiding.

Anyway now I'm just so worried that they will take further action or get social services involved. I'm not a bad mother I just panicked. He was safe and was playing with his cousins. Also, he hides when he does something naughty like break something or spill something, he also hides when he needs to poo (he wears a nappy) like that's just how he is and what he does. Maybe he had hidden because he did something or needed to poo IDK why he hid he doesn't normally do this. I'm just SO frustrated and worried now UGH

What a dreadful fright to get OP. If there is anything positive to be had its the realisation that it's never a good idea to allow children under 3 to be left without adult supervision at family or friends gatherings even when there are older children present. At the very least its best to check on them regularly & often. You are a wonderful mum who panicked at the thought of your child running out of the house & they do.

This happened to me as a child (back in the late 80s).
My mum lost me and called the police when she was convinced I was nowhere to be seen.
I was subsequently found asleep in the foot well of my dad's van as he headed out to scour the neighbourhood for me.

Police came round later that evening just to check everything was okay. They asked me some gentle questions and seemed happy with everything until I told them that my dad hit me with a hammer(1) and made me wash outside(2). Even then there was no follow up. But it was the 80s 😅

1 It was an inflatable hammer I won on the funfair
2 The week before I fell face first into a pool of cow shit and so was stripped and hosed off in the garden before having a Dettol bath

It’ll be fine. This happens all the time. The police are always just relieved that the child is safe and they don’t have worry about finding them injured or worse.

please don’t assume the cousins will watch him though. At 10 they don’t have the maturity to assess danger or even think where is he like we do as adults. And if something did happen they then have to live with feeling they were responsible.

my in laws were like this- big family, very relaxed. If I couldn’t see dc they’d be “oh cousin x will be watching him in the next room”. My nephew got seriously injured because he was in the front room with a load of other kids, crawling around and put his hand on the rocking chair runner just as another child rocked back on it- no one was actually “watching”, they were just in the same room. They thought I was mad needing to have eyes on him all the time but I’d caught 4 year old cousins “helping” the 12 month old down stairs and onto high benches.

You 100% did the right thing. Police would rather come out and start organising things with a history of a door open than wait another 30mins to start. Easier to stand things down than start 30mins late. They just needed your details to close things down. The same as if you had found a missing dog, they just need your details to log it, you are not in trouble, You might get a cursory visit from SS but that’s it.

I’m glad he is fine and doubt very much social services will be interested but I really think an adult or maybe even a responsible teen should be watching children that young. A 10 year old being in charge with that many kids isn’t sensible in my opinion. I’m not judging, I see parents do this kind of thing all the time but when mine were 2 it would either be me or another adult supervising all the time.

My friend did this with her 3yo. He was safe and sound and asleep at the foot of her bed tucked under a blanket. He couldn’t be seen and she shouted and they were hunting for him. Then thought he must of wandered out the door. Police were called and did a room to room search and found him. She was mortified of course but these things happen. If a child were to wander off then time is of the essence so you’d want to contact police asap.

You were a good parent and acted quickly when you thought you had lost your young child - well done and don't beat yourself up.
I once lost my son (aged 5) in a park for 3 minutes, and nothing prepares you for the cold terror you feel when something like this happens.

Because you rang the police they are obliged to send someone round for a welfare check to put eyes on the 'missing' child. We had the same when my youngest was 2. We were are the library and whilst checking out the books he went missing. I thought he was hiding under a chair as he had been doing that during the visit but he was nowhere to be found. The librarian called the police for me whilst the rest of us went frantic searching. Turned out he HAD left the library and wandered down the road and was found outside wilkinsons. Librarian told the police we had found him and they sent someone round that evening. Nothing else every happened. No social services or anything.

Last time I was a the hair dresser and a lady walked in with a boy nearly 3 years old. He was walking in the middle of London alone; the lady found him and asked for his parents and he pointed at the hair dresser but of course the parents where not there. She called the police, one hour later the mother turned with 3 other kids under 10; also the police had arrived by then.

Apparently the child just walked away when the oldest when to take the rubbish out; I think they lived no too far from the hair dresser.

It does look like you packnicked without checking properly; with so manny adults in the house everyone should have been checking even in the nearby streets.

But I get you, having small children is stressful and you can’t never fully relax, need yo keep an eye all the time.I used to be do anxious when mine were young and got out of sign.

Also DH lost my youngest child when she was about 4 or 5 in a park fair; he and oldest daughter were searching for her when the police turned up with her. I am glad I wasn’t there or would have gone mental;
oldest child was traumatised to loose her little side for a few years after that happened. She wasn’t that old herself.

You are being snippy with someone who is trying to reassure you. You've misunderstood this poster.

You and your husband weren't watching your child's it's on you. But you shouldn't be worrying about social services. They are there to look after kids , do nothing wrong, don't have anything to worry about.

Honestly I’d have done the same, if you hadn’t rang them and he was out somewhere! You did what you thought was best for your son at the time with the information you had. Please try not to worry xx

Sure. Strong words from someone who left their child unattended for extended period of time and couldn't locate him in the house he clearly was in ... what a joke. You can't leave a 2 year old without supervision even with a 10 year old. You also wasted polices time ... absurd.

Ah, I see you got it now. Apologies. I didn't see more posts.

I’d have done exactly the same OP! Don’t feel bad. Nothing will come back from the police, either.

Don’t worry, it won’t go any further. My DD went missing while playing hide and seek with her brother when she was about 3. I searched the house top to bottom. I was hysterical. I called the police and they came straight away and also searched the house. They found her fast asleep behind the sofa. I hadn’t even looked there because I wouldn’t have thought she’d have fitted in such a small space! We laugh about it now but it was a horrible experience.

Its not that you called them that's caused the concern, its that you felt you had to. As in, you weren't aware of where he was and they need to check whether he was and is properly supervised. Try not to worry. I imagine at most you will recieve advice to make sure that one adult is always tasked with being the person responsible for knowing where he is (it's so easy when everyone's doing it for nobody to be, because you all think someone else is) which is good advice.

One of mine did this around that age actually maybe three. He hid in a wardrobe in a friends house during a children’s party.

Terrifying but found him eventually, not sure why they do it. But clearly it’s pretty normal!

My daughter got out of the house when we thought she couldn’t open the front door at all ( she was 4 , rented that house at the time )
I was on my own , helping the oldest with her homework and the 2 younger were in the family room watching TV .
She had only got out the front door , unseen by me .
The house was an upside down set up so all living area upstairs .

One of mine wandered out the gates of Legoland following someone he thought was his brother while I was standing waiting outside the loo for him. He was at that age where he didn't want to go with me, but somehow was able to sneak past even though I watched the loo the whole time. Legoland instantly went into shutdown until he got brought back to me.

I found a small child (about 2) wandering the street once. We lived behind the wire on a military base at the time. We all knew each other's kids. Didn't recognize this one. I knocked on every door while trying to keep an eye on him because he would not come with me. He was a visitor's child, who had got out of their garden, been wandering an unknown period of time likely at least 30 minutes by their best guess, they had not noticed.

Another friend lost a child on a beach. Notified the lifeguards. Panic ensued. Coastguard were contacted. She was convinced he was drowned. He reappeared some time later and just stood there watching his mum being grilled about what he looked like, when he was last seen etc before eventually asking who everyone was hunting for. He had gone into the sand dunes for a wee and got distracted/didn't hear the shouts of his name. As a secondary age child, she regularly had to ring him to ask why he was walking miles in the opposite direction from home. He would be so lost on his own thoughts, he never paid attention to anything around him!

You poor pet. My just turned 2 year old daughter went missing at home for 20 mins once. Like yourself myself and husband completely panicked after an initial quick search - didn’t help that I was 9 months pregnant with twins. We live in the country and she had wandered off down a laneway after her dad when he went for a walk. Somehow he had missed her on his rush back when I alerted him - she was probably hidden in trees. He suggested the police but I hesitated as I know they would probably delay doing a thorough search of fields etc. He gad rang his brother and we had relations dashing from miles around. 😕 I was never so glad when I took another 3rd drive down the lane and she stepped from behind a tree.

My two year old son also disappeared in a GAP store once. I panicked when he didn’t answer and other customers started to look for him, staff shut the shop doors and alerted the centre security. He was joking with me but got scared when he heard me panic and hid.

My sister also panicked when she could t find her 7 year old boy. He had snuck crisps before dinner, hid behind the sofa and fell asleep.

it happens with kids. You’re not a bad mum. I can totally imagine the kind of nice relaxed family day you were having and how it happened.

You did the right thing. If he HAD gotten outside, then time is of the essence, especially when it's dark outside and cars can't see him. The longer the time, the farther away from the home he can wander. I'm sure you aren't the first person who thought their kid had wandered outside, only to find he thought he was playing a great trick on mom and dad by hiding in the closet!

The only thing I would change is that I would designate someone specific to keep an eye on him at all times. I always do this with small children. If there are five people in the room, it doesn't mean they are all keeping track of him, it means they all think someone ELSE is keeping track of him. My husband and I always designated one of us as responsible for the toddler and when we transferred responsibility it was an explicit verbal hand-off.

The other thing I got into the habit of, is to do a head-count of the little kids every few minutes if there are small children around. If your head-count changes, you immediately go find who's missing. In this way, you know very quickly if someone wanders off, and, over time, you also get a pretty good idea of what each child's predilections are. One kid will tend to go build Lego every time he gets the chance. Another will head for the stove (to climb it). Another will always be found playing with her dolls. And then there's that one kid who wants to escape the entire house (a phenomenon I now know is called "eloping.")

Why do people assume social services will jump at any opportunity to get involved? Do people even know what social care is there for?

@Queenxxx

I'm glad you're feeling a lot better.

don't be scared if the police or SS do get in touch. It'll be a cursory check to make sure everything is ok, they might even want to visit your home, but don't panic, they're very used to normal houses, they're not expecting a show home.

you did the right thing & your little one is fine, that's all that matters.

its difficult in big family situations when they want to be playing with the older ones (usually upstairs in a bedroom) & it's difficult to be watching them.

When my younger sibling was 3 she vanished inside a large store - mum took eyes off her for seconds to talk to me and she was gone.

20+ minutes of frantic running round the shop, the shop being put on lockdown with the doors closed, and sheer panic later she was found inside a pop up tent on display ignoring all the shouts of her name.

It happens 😂