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Parenting

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I couldn't find my 2 year old and called the police

147 replies

Queenxxx · 04/11/2024 13:50

Hey, I'm a mum of two and my eldest child is 2 almost three. Yesterday my worst worst nightmare as a parent came true. We were invited for a dinner at my sister in laws house and there were a few other families too. There were like a total of 8 kids. All of the kids were playing together upstairs, I was in the kitchen helping with the food and my husband was in the living room. We were so relaxed because this is our immediate family and our child was safe and with his cousins, the eldest cousin is 10 so we were content. I brought my son downstairs for my husband to feed him. Everything was going fine, the last I saw him my husband was feeding him. I then went back into the kitchen. My sil wanted to give some food to the neighbours so she opened the door and sent her son to give the food. About 15 minutes later I realised that my son isn't downstairs but I was relaxed thinking he's probably on the stairs watching the iPad with his cousin but he wasn't there either, I panicked and ran upstairs and couldn't see him. I ran downstairs and told my husband that I couldn't find our son. It was 9pm, dark outside and the only thing we could think is that my sister in law had sent her son next door and maybe when the door was open our son went after him. That's all we could think and we all panicked. My husband went and checked all of upstairs twice and so did I but we didn't see him, we were so panicked that we didn't even look properly (check under the beds and wardrobes). There were 6 adults in the house and 5 of us ran outside and began searching the streets screaming his name. All I could think was he's too small to understand not to go on the road, it's so dark anything could've happened, the more we searched the more panicked I became I wasn't even thinking just running and running, screaming his name. All of the neighbours had come out, my husband was checking the neighbour's cctv, we were both crying. 10 minutes hadn't even passed and I just picked up the phone and called the police, I had already imagined the worst all I could think about was the road and cars. I was having a panic attack and couldn't even breath, I called the police and told them I can't find my 2 year old son. They immediately sent out police and were taking my details when my niece said he's there he's there. I look up and see him standing on the stairs😭😭. I ran to him and asked where were you? When he saw me and his father crying he started crying too. I told the police officer on the phone that we had found him. He said where was he? I replied he was upstairs, he is standing on the stairs. He then said "you're not in trouble but I'm going to need your details" I said "of course no problem and have him all my details. He said "I'll cancel the police that were on the way"

We were just so happy that he was safe and had been in the house when 15 minutes later a police officer arrived and asked us what had happened. I explained that he was upstairs the whole time maybe hiding under a bed. She just looked at me soooo weirdly and asked "why was he hiding?" I said idk, I'm not even sure if he was hiding, he just was upstairs and we didn't check properly I guess bc it's not our house and we didn't know where he could've possibly been hiding.

Anyway now I'm just so worried that they will take further action or get social services involved. I'm not a bad mother I just panicked. He was safe and was playing with his cousins. Also, he hides when he does something naughty like break something or spill something, he also hides when he needs to poo (he wears a nappy) like that's just how he is and what he does. Maybe he had hidden because he did something or needed to poo IDK why he hid he doesn't normally do this. I'm just SO frustrated and worried now UGH

OP posts:
Tdcp · 04/11/2024 16:03

I remember being roughly 3 and hiding behind my great aunts sofa while she and my mother were frantically looking for me outside. You couldn't find him and if your son had been outside you would have made the right call, that's what matters.

Calliopespa · 04/11/2024 16:03

PermanentTemporary · 04/11/2024 13:56

You poor thing, what a nightmare.

I don't want to sound patronising but please... just breathe for a bit. He's fine. Nothing went wrong. This sort of thing happens a lot. Go and give him (another) cuddle and just be, play a bit, go and kick leaves together. Children help with that because they live in the moment.

As for the social services turning up... so what? Que sera sera. Be glad they exist. I'm sure they will see the truth straight away. The police person sounds a bit young and unfamiliar with the crazy situations we find ourselves in as parents.

This is absolutely right op. So many parents on here would immediately see how this might happen. I do think it’s true, though, that the more people there are, ironically the more easily things like this can go wrong which is something to bear in mind if you have lots of family gatherings. The easiest way to get lost is in a crowd. I’ve known of two toddler tragedies and both happened with lots of people present at the home.

I can imagine I’d have felt like you about the “why was he hiding?” comment. People trigger very easily these days without necessarily embracing context and it can feel judgmental. But I’m sure everything will be fine. Ultimately they should be more interested if you weren’t in a panic to find him.

But breathe: he’s just fine!

flipdiddle81 · 04/11/2024 16:05

OP are you still homeless?
Because if you are… having social services involved may be able to help you

AlexaSetATimer · 04/11/2024 16:09

Glad he's fine and safe.

I agree with this from a PP:

please don’t assume the cousins will watch him though. At 10 they don’t have the maturity to assess danger or even think where is he like we do as adults. And if something did happen they then have to live with feeling they were responsible.

2, nearly 3, is absolutely too young to be left without an adult/parent supervising constantly. Your husband should not have let him out of his sight.

You need to make it clear to him that it is NOT the responsibility of 10 year old cousins to watch YOUR toddler.

Tiredmumtoboy · 04/11/2024 16:10

I got separated from my husband and son at a train station. I had the buggy and ended up running around the busy platform screaming their names. Nobody helped me. They just all stared at me like I was insane as I was screaming my husband and my son's name. I almost got onto a train thinking they'd already boarded. (I would have gone to a completely wrong town so I'm glad I didn't)

There was a steam train on the other platform and it turned out he had taken my son look at it thinking I would know where they'd gone! I could have KILLED MY HUSBAND THERE AND THEN! He's since learnt that communication is actually needed.

Skate76 · 04/11/2024 16:11

Don't worry they'll not follow up with it, you'll laugh about this in 20 years time 💐

NewName24 · 04/11/2024 16:15

What @bennyonthedispatch and @Namechangeforthis88 and others have said.

No, you won't be in trouble.
The police will just be relieved it is a happy outcome.
As has been said, a lot of what they get called to turns out to be something and nothing, and that is a FAR better shift than any other.

flipdiddle81 · 04/11/2024 16:17

Tiredmumtoboy · 04/11/2024 16:10

I got separated from my husband and son at a train station. I had the buggy and ended up running around the busy platform screaming their names. Nobody helped me. They just all stared at me like I was insane as I was screaming my husband and my son's name. I almost got onto a train thinking they'd already boarded. (I would have gone to a completely wrong town so I'm glad I didn't)

There was a steam train on the other platform and it turned out he had taken my son look at it thinking I would know where they'd gone! I could have KILLED MY HUSBAND THERE AND THEN! He's since learnt that communication is actually needed.

your son and husband… why were you so frantic with worry?

MumblesParty · 04/11/2024 16:25

DS2 was a wanderer. I lost count of the number of times I lost him when we were out. He was like a ninja - I would literally blink and he’d have disappeared. I never actually got as far as calling the police, but plenty of theme park staff have been involved in finding him over the years. He’s 15 now and still has a habit of just wandering off if he sees something that interests him. It’s really annoying.

Thistoo2023 · 04/11/2024 16:26

Ponderingwindow · 04/11/2024 14:16

The police and social services are going to be worried about parents and a family that didn’t pay attention or didn’t care when a 2yo couldn’t be found quickly.

Not been able to develop any critical thinking skills through your pondering then?

LivelyMintViper · 04/11/2024 16:27

Something very similar happened to me. There were lots of children visiting
The garden was walled and doors bolted
But we still lost a toddler. We called the police. She was right against a wall under a double bed. And fast asleep . Two hours I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Tiredmumtoboy · 04/11/2024 16:28

flipdiddle81 · 04/11/2024 16:17

your son and husband… why were you so frantic with worry?

Because I was at a train station... A busy train station.

You know hence the bit " I almost got onto a train thinking they'd already boarded. (I would have gone to a completely wrong town so I'm glad I didn't)"

And the fact they'd vanished.

That train left the station during the time they had vanished and was going to a completely different town.

Do you not see where my head was at during this time.

"oh my gosh my husband and child have vanished. Oh my gosh have they gotten on the wrong train. Oh my gosh."

DancingOctopus · 04/11/2024 16:31

My Dad was a policeman and once attended a house where a child had been reported missing. The child was found in bed. The mother was so embarrassed about calling out the police but my Dad said " Madam, we prefer this scenario. Much better that a mistake has been made and your child is safe".

flipdiddle81 · 04/11/2024 16:31

Do you not see where my head was at during this time.

running around screaming if i couldn’t find my son at a busy train station - hell yes

running around screaming if i couldn’t locate my husband and son at a busy train station? well no, to be honest i can’t see where your head was but… each to their own 🤷

2024onwardsandup · 04/11/2024 16:32

@flipdiddle81 with you on this one…

flipdiddle81 · 04/11/2024 16:32

DancingOctopus · 04/11/2024 16:31

My Dad was a policeman and once attended a house where a child had been reported missing. The child was found in bed. The mother was so embarrassed about calling out the police but my Dad said " Madam, we prefer this scenario. Much better that a mistake has been made and your child is safe".

exactly
the quicker the reporting the better

AInightingale · 04/11/2024 16:39

Happens. I was in a huge Primark and a three year old girl had gone missing. The staff were excellent - all stopped what they were doing and immediately started to search, tannoy announcements etc. The mother and granny were frantic. She was found after about five minutes hiding under a rack of clothes. The policewoman's comments were a bit odd - young children hide all the time!

Tiredmumtoboy · 04/11/2024 16:46

2024onwardsandup · 04/11/2024 16:32

@flipdiddle81 with you on this one…

Wow thanks guys for making me feel insane.

Really good boosting people up aren't you.

Let me explain again.

Picture this. A train is about to leave the station. It's Christmas market day at Bath your on your way home.

Your husband and son have gone up the stairs to the platform and you the lift because you have the buggy.

You arrive on the platform packed with people and they aren't there.

The train on the platform is about to go.

Your pushing through the crowd looking for them. You start to panic as the doors to the train are closing and your being pushed about with an empty buggy in your hands. So you start shouting out their names hoping your husband might shout "we're over here" eventually your voice gets louder as your calling for them (Screaming for their names)

Finally the crowd thins as people leave the train station and the train leaves. They still are not in site.

Shit have they got on the train. You check your phone and the signal bar is on H.

You call out again running up and down the platform in the hopes they hadn't gone off to London.

You dial husbands number luckily it gets through and you are finally reassured THEY DIDN'T GET ON A TRAIN TO LONDON!

NewName24 · 04/11/2024 16:51

No, that seems like an overreaction @Tiredmumtoboy

I'm with @flipdiddle81 and others.

Your child was with your dh. Screaming and panicking seem like a completely OTT response.

2024onwardsandup · 04/11/2024 16:52

@Tiredmumtoboy yeah but why would
you think your husband would get on a train to London if you weren’t going?

but even if he had - being upset that people weren’t helping you?

worst case scenario would be a bit of inconvenience. Nothing like the OPs worst case
scenario 🤷‍♀️

but you do you

adriftinadenofvipers · 04/11/2024 16:53

NewName24 · 04/11/2024 16:51

No, that seems like an overreaction @Tiredmumtoboy

I'm with @flipdiddle81 and others.

Your child was with your dh. Screaming and panicking seem like a completely OTT response.

You weren't there. What of it?

@Queenxxx I can totally understand your panic, but surely out of 6 adults, at least one could have calmly searched the house, which would have saved you a lot of anxiety?

MumblesParty · 04/11/2024 16:53

Tiredmumtoboy · 04/11/2024 16:46

Wow thanks guys for making me feel insane.

Really good boosting people up aren't you.

Let me explain again.

Picture this. A train is about to leave the station. It's Christmas market day at Bath your on your way home.

Your husband and son have gone up the stairs to the platform and you the lift because you have the buggy.

You arrive on the platform packed with people and they aren't there.

The train on the platform is about to go.

Your pushing through the crowd looking for them. You start to panic as the doors to the train are closing and your being pushed about with an empty buggy in your hands. So you start shouting out their names hoping your husband might shout "we're over here" eventually your voice gets louder as your calling for them (Screaming for their names)

Finally the crowd thins as people leave the train station and the train leaves. They still are not in site.

Shit have they got on the train. You check your phone and the signal bar is on H.

You call out again running up and down the platform in the hopes they hadn't gone off to London.

You dial husbands number luckily it gets through and you are finally reassured THEY DIDN'T GET ON A TRAIN TO LONDON!

Do you live in London?
I once got on the wrong train - bit tipsy after a wedding - non-stop train to London and I lived in a town on the route. Luckily the kind guard got the driver to stop at my station just for me, after I offered him some wedding cake!

IcyLilacZebra · 04/11/2024 16:54

Because of the child's age they will automatically refer back to social services anyway doesn't mean they'll come out they might call you do welfare checks with health visitors and gps which is standard

flipdiddle81 · 04/11/2024 16:55

Tiredmumtoboy · 04/11/2024 16:46

Wow thanks guys for making me feel insane.

Really good boosting people up aren't you.

Let me explain again.

Picture this. A train is about to leave the station. It's Christmas market day at Bath your on your way home.

Your husband and son have gone up the stairs to the platform and you the lift because you have the buggy.

You arrive on the platform packed with people and they aren't there.

The train on the platform is about to go.

Your pushing through the crowd looking for them. You start to panic as the doors to the train are closing and your being pushed about with an empty buggy in your hands. So you start shouting out their names hoping your husband might shout "we're over here" eventually your voice gets louder as your calling for them (Screaming for their names)

Finally the crowd thins as people leave the train station and the train leaves. They still are not in site.

Shit have they got on the train. You check your phone and the signal bar is on H.

You call out again running up and down the platform in the hopes they hadn't gone off to London.

You dial husbands number luckily it gets through and you are finally reassured THEY DIDN'T GET ON A TRAIN TO LONDON!

no matter how many ways you cut it

i would t have run around the train station screaming 🤷

would i have done if we were talking about just my child alone? hell. yes

Tiredmumtoboy · 04/11/2024 16:58

MumblesParty · 04/11/2024 16:53

Do you live in London?
I once got on the wrong train - bit tipsy after a wedding - non-stop train to London and I lived in a town on the route. Luckily the kind guard got the driver to stop at my station just for me, after I offered him some wedding cake!

Nope we don't live in London.

All I was saying was "name and name where are you." Though a very busy crowd of people to be heard. I panicked because it was busy and they were gone.

My son was three at the time.

It was Bath Christmas Market. But apparently I'm insane so whatever according to posters so.