I hate Breastfeeding

[itsme189]

I am 12 days postpartum and have EBF since birth, her latch is fine she lost some weight and is slowly putting some back on. This has made me overthink breastfeeding and it's all I think about when does she need another feed, was the feed long enough, is she getting enough etc.

She's been cluster feeding and I feel like I get no break at all and it feels like no benefit if she's not gaining weight as quickly as they want her to.

I don't enjoy the feeds, they don't necessarily hurt but my body hurts from being stuck in positions feeding on and off for hours.

Seems selfish to quit when there technically aren't any issues but I'm really struggling did anyone else feel like this?

Yes. Felt exactly like this with both at around 3 weeks postpartum. Breastfeeding in the early days is hard. I persevered with both and it turned out okay, although I never loved breastfeeding tbh.

Agree with this so much

It did not get easier for me at all. I had loads of help, felt really supported, but it just got progressively worse and worse.

I wished I had stopped sooner, I started to resent my child, but felt so much guilt for stopping with everyone telling me how good it was for the baby, how superior it was to formula, how I was giving them the best start in life. Not that I’m disagreeing with the sentiment, it just felt like so much pressure and felt like a bad mother that I hated it. It really started to affect my bond with my baby.

It was such a relief when I gave up, I felt like a weight had been lifted. Almost immediately I felt I could enjoy the time with my baby again rather than just being a milking machine.

Stopping was the best decision for me and my baby and I wish I had done it sooner. You just need to do what’s right for you. Forget the guilt or other people’s opinions, just do what you think is best for your family.

If you want to stop then give yourself permission to stop. I did. I think with Ds1 I got to about 3 weeks and it was mentally exhausting me. He regained his birth weight after a few days but I had issues with a fast let down and had to pump off foremilk, tried every position going to slow my let down, had breastfeeding advisors and I just had enough. It meant other people could feed him, I could sleep for hours with someone else on feeding duty.

Ds2 I went for longer but ended up doing mixed feeds, pumping milk and topping up with formula (very poorly baby, lots of things going on) and it was the best thing for me at the time. Not anyone else, me.

I did forgive myself because I felt like I needed to breastfeed. But I had two well fed, healthy, happy babies and I felt others share that burden of feeding so often and through the night. I got into a great routine with bottle washing and sterilising and it was no more faff than all the other baby related stuff.

If it isn't working for you then you can decide if you want to stop. A fed baby is what you are looking for.

Combi feeding is a perfectly legit option and I did it with Al 3 of mine ❤️ best of both worlds in my experience

What you are experiencing is totally normal. The first weeks are bloody hard.

Then it gets easier.

Then it gets easy.

But oh my - the first weeks are tough.

If you want to stop then do. But I would have totally regretted it.

Hated it, stopped, no regrets.

I did feel like that sometimes in the early days. Cluster feeding is hard and I understand about it hurting being stuck feeding in one position for ages, I experienced that a lot. It does get easier. Around 3 months for me my son got more efficient at breastfeeding and didn’t have to do it for as long at a time. I actually think breastfeeding can be a lot easier than formula feeding for some people because there’s no preparing bottles or worrying about what to do about milk when you go out.

I selfishly quit at three months both times as the two hourly feeds were killing me.
They both took a bottle easily (had pumped from ten days to avoid a bottle refuser), we all got more sleep and a sense of control and routine developed.
It might have got easier after three months but I wasn't prepared to chance it.

You don’t have to continue. Formula is amazing (DC’s were on it from day one) - it’s easy and friends and family can help. I enjoyed getting sleep and a routine

I nearly stopped - with both kids. I persevered a bit and it still hurt so I thought I'd give it a couple of days and get used to formula. It got so much better and became far more convenient than making up bottles... so imo get past the first couple of weeks and see how it is. BUT no judgment if you just need to stop.

BTW, look up D-MER if you are feeling blue when you feed. It's a rare but hormonal thing that happens with milk letdown and is like suddenly feeling depressed.

Give up. It’s your body

It gets easier as time goes on. I'm 9 weeks pp and it's a doddle. I appreciate that probably feels like years away for you at the moment but I promise it isn't, it goes by in a flash. And I'm really grateful I don't have to get up in the night and fanny about with bottles tbh, I combined fed my eldest and found formula a right faff. Breast (for me) is significantly easier.

Also I don't know where the idea comes from that you can't have a routine with EBF babies. Both my EBF babies have had a good routine. If anything my FF baby was less predictable.

It’s definitely possible to get comfortable whilst breastfeeding. Experiment with different chairs and positions. I could only feed in a very comfy arm chair, in the living room. Even at night, I came down stairs to feed, just so I was comfortable. I used to get everything handy, a drink, chocolate, fruit, the remote, my phone, and I enjoyed it. I made sure I was all set up. You are doing an amazing thing for your baby and yes it does get easier.

I breastfed all three of my babies so I’m all for breastfeeding but I’m just going to say this once. FED IS BEST.

its 2024 there are countless fully grown adults running around, perfectly healthy that didn’t have an ounce of breast milk.

What is best for you will, almost certainly, end up being best for your baby.

Lastly you don’t need permission to switch to formula.

With my first I was absolutely miserable. I called my practitioner to ask about it and they told me to come in a week later. I felt like they had handed me a death sentence having to BF another week, Well, we got through those first hellish weeks and he ended up being weaned at 13 months. We were never really good at it but we got through it.

I got good sleep with my son and routine. He was in one since 6 weeks

Ah it’s a nightmare! If it’s any consolation it’s the baby not you (in the nicest possible way to your lovely baby). I breastfed/combi fed/pumped and nearly gave up several times. Then she got the knack and it was easy. Kept on until she decided not to at 15 months. My friend breastfed both for 2 years. Just seen her with her third…it’s unbelievable watching cute little button unable to suck very much, sliding down, unlatching, taking hours to feed…and this is a seasoned professional. It’s so different to what they’re like 3 months + where they just gulp it down and you’re good to go.

And oh it’s like trying to hold a sack of potatoes (and angle your nipple on the right direction).

I combi fed with ready made milk and mam bottles and it was fine. Have you thought about trying it to alleviate the pressure?

I also discovered lying down feeding on the bed/rugby ball hold with pillows to prop up whilst watching friends was an easy win

I would try and stick it out a bit longer and then add in a bottle of expressed or formula to give yourself a bit of a break x

Whatever is best for you is the best for your baby. Both of my DC were exclusively bottlefed and are very healthy adults.

Don’t be guilted into sticking with it by HC professionals talking about the benefits of breast milk over formula - I had awful experiences with breastfeeding but felt I should try with each of my kids and it was that rhetoric that made me really sad and feeling I was letting them down. I had to give up each time after about a month and I was so much happier, better rested and therefore a better parent. Kids are all grown up now, fine and healthy… formula is pretty well designed and while yes it’s more straightforward to BF if you can, your child won’t be disadvantaged if you can’t do it.

This 10000000 times over.

It's definitely not enjoyable at the start. It gets easier every week. By month 3 it was the easiest thing in the world, so handy.

Yep, plug them in and that's it!
I also loved seeing Dd grow and knowing that I was doing that.