I hate Breastfeeding

[itsme189]

I am 12 days postpartum and have EBF since birth, her latch is fine she lost some weight and is slowly putting some back on. This has made me overthink breastfeeding and it's all I think about when does she need another feed, was the feed long enough, is she getting enough etc.

She's been cluster feeding and I feel like I get no break at all and it feels like no benefit if she's not gaining weight as quickly as they want her to.

I don't enjoy the feeds, they don't necessarily hurt but my body hurts from being stuck in positions feeding on and off for hours.

Seems selfish to quit when there technically aren't any issues but I'm really struggling did anyone else feel like this?

I didn’t feel like that no, but just because I didn’t doesn’t take away from the fact that you do.

At 12 days postpartum you’re still in the haze, but that doesn’t mean you don’t know what doesn’t feel good. Whatever you decide to do, whatever will make you feel more “at home” in this new part of life is fine.

If that’s continuing to EBF and you just need to talk about the frustrations. I get that!

If you’re looking for advice about switching to bottle feeding then that’s good too.

the most important thing as that you and your baby are both supported, fed, and cared for.

whatever you decide is right for you is the correct decision, there is no wrong answer.

Hi, I felt like this and I think it's a really normal reaction. I managed for 8 weeks and then switched to a mixture of breast and bottle. Please don't feel pressured either way, do what feels right for you.

Your body, your choice, but I promise, it will get easier.

It does get a lot easier.

With each of mine I went through a stage of really hating it a few weeks in. It did get better though and I bf no 3 and no until 2 and 3 respectively. But hey, if you really hate it and it starts to affect your MH then do what’s best for you. There’s no point being miserable x

Aww OP, I hear you, I didn’t enjoy it either. Like a pp said, it does get easier, but I also wish I had just myself permission to stop. I enjoyed parenting a lot more once I did. You can give yourself that permission too - please look after yourself, it will really help you to then look after your baby! And remember, once we’re adults, we have no idea who was fed how as a baby! 💐

It's ok to stop. Your mental health is important and a good enough reason

Everything's difficult 12 days post partum, not just breastfeeding. Try to get yourself comfy and well-supported before a feed, it will get easier! Not having to make up and clean bottles was a big plus for me, and after the initial discomfort, I would get a lovely rush of hormones when breastfeeding

A midwife showed me how to feed lying down on my side, so this might be easier if you are uncomfortable. For my second, I trested myself to a proper nursing chair; there are plenty of good second hand ones.

The first bit is a lot of feeding. My first was huge and always hungry, so I fed him a lot!

But it gets so much easier and it’s wonderful when you get going. I loved it so much and missed it when I stopped.

But it’s not for everyone. If you don’t love it, just stop.

Breastmilk is amazing and far superior to formula it’s SO amazing that just 12 days of breastmilk will have given your baby huge benefits already so if you decide to stop totally or combi feed you’ve already done amazingly well . Even babies who just get colostrum on day 1 have benefits so 12 days is brilliant

I loved breastfeeding but I hated the lack of support. OP if it’s not your thing don’t do it, you can’t tell which adults were breastfed vs formula it’s there for a reason. If it will help your mental health do it. The best way for your baby to
flourish is it have a happy mum (and dad).

However please make sure it’s 100% what you want. I know a few people who if they had the right support would have like to continued, this stage in post partum is intense and full for hormones. Combi feeding is nice inbetween which could be an option. But if you want to stop completely that’s also ok. Just make sure what ever decision you make is for you.

Can you feed lying down?

If you’ve got started with a decent latch then I promise it only gets easier. You’ve done the hardest bit and it honestly won’t always be like this. Your supply will stabilise and their weight gain and they’ll grow and be able to feed far more efficiently very soon.
all that doesn’t mean you must continue but you need to know that it won’t stay like it is now if you do.

edit: personally I had dh give a bottle once a day around 10/11pm so I got a bit more sleep. I gave expressed bm as I had lots but would have been happy to give formula.

Does it help if I said this is the worst period in breastfeeding? I always hate the first two months, and I am currently bf number 5. I don’t know why midwives and health visitors make it sound easy, it isn’t.

It is the worst - body hurts from giving birth, nipples hurt like crazy (just from not being used to it), baby is cluster feeding (mine fed constantly for what felt like a month), and feeds last ages (not the 10min one would expect). This time was the worst because of tongue tie, I fed her so much I had to ask people to fetch things for me, if she came off she would cry. I have watched the whole of Netflix and Amazon combined whilst feeding.

However, it gets better at around 2 months and by 3 months it is great. The feeding only lasts for 10min the let-down is much faster and she is more settled, and this is great for me because I hate sterilising bottles and messing around with all of that in the middle of the night. I co-sleep, so it means I sleep longer (even though I basically become a dummy in the night sometimes when she is not well).

Breastfeeding is hard, you have no space because you are the only food source for the little one, on tap all the time and I have to feed in awkward places if I go out. But I wouldn’t have it any other way, she is getting what she needs, growing well (at the moment) and I don’t have to worry about things. It is bonding for both of us, and I get to play with her fingers and toes and be close.

When I stop at 1 year I always miss it, and feel sad to see it go.

@itsme189 Yes I felt like this. I felt the same with my first, especially when the cluster feeding started, and the midwife told me I couldn’t do feeding separately to my life, I needed to integrate the baby and feeding. I got a bbhugme nursing pillow and it meant I could arrange myself in the armchair without having to crane and hold. I learned loads of positions for feeding like rugby hold and lying vertically against me so they’re feeding “up” rather than across your body - perfect for watching tv or walking around if you cradle this their bum with your hand and arm around their body to support them. I also balanced snacks, doing things like having one knee up to support baby and other folded in. I think learning to feed with one hand/one arm was the tipping point for me that changed it from becoming a chore where I felt trapped. A thermos cup so you can have a hot drink helps too. I ended up EBF for 15 months from that first few weeks where I was crying saying I couldn’t do it anymore. I think bottle feeding creates more work with the sterilising and prep - I did try that too in first few weeks.

It’s normal to drop from birth weight and then to regain it after. Mine dropped centiles and we were with the doctor but baby was thriving in other ways, not unhealthy or lethargic, so they said probably just following our family build of being lean.

Really hope you get to a place you want to be and are comfortable, whether that is EBF, mixed or bottle feeding. The best thing to do is ask for help. The consultant paediatrician and dietitian at the hospital made me feel better about it all and that it was as it was meant to be for my child. Remember the advice and growth charts is a public health message for the general population.

You can feed in carriers too, hands free. I have the aura ergobaby wrap, I think you can do it in the clip ins too, think there are insta videos about positions.

It’s really really hard in the early days when establishing supply, cluster feeding and with baby needing to get back to birth weight. It sounds like you are doing amazingly well, I felt exactly the same as you do, I hated it at the time, felt hot, sweaty, exhausted and touched out. It started to get easier after 6-8 weeks, I never truly enjoyed it but did like the bond it helped to create between us and she fed until she was 9 months old and she weaned herself off (she was at nursery by then).

if you want to stop, then do so, you don’t need a reason or to justify it to anyone. If you want to carry on and see how it goes, just take each day as it comes, or you could do a mix of both and sub in a bottle of formula, I did that at night and expressed too so DD dad could feed her too, it worked well.

I hated it and it also started to feel so intrusive, with unwanted but necessary visits from Health visitors contorting me into different positions etc. It was all consuming in every way and I started to dread DC1 stirring for his feed. So I stopped. And any so-called benefits were outweighed instantly by my decision to stop.

I totally felt like it at 12 days. I stuck with it and I felt OK by 4 weeks as the cluster feeding calmed down and honestly fine by 6 weeks. Enjoyed it by 8 weeks and felt my life was easier to FF mothers by that point. Love breastfeeding my 14 month old still now.

Honestly you're more than half way through the hardest part in my experience.

Also... Even if you formula feed often babies still get upset in the evening but can't then cluster feed for comfort quite in the same way. You may well stop BFing and then baby gets reflux from formula and you've got a different problem on your hands. Basically what I'm saying is stopping BF may not even help because in my experience the first few weeks with any baby are TOUGH. Honestly so tough. But it gets better, including BF.

Hate is a strong word, but I certainly didn't like it for a long time. I also used to despise it when people would say "it gets easier" I wanted to know when it got easier because I wasn't happy. Anyway, my feelings didn't stay like that though as I bf for 3 years

I used to follow a lot of breastfeeding pages for moral support and reminders that what I was doing for my baby and myself was really good. It was Covid though so there weren't any groups to go to, you might find going to a breastfeeding group at the library or something might fill your cup a bit and perhaps you can get some tips on positions

Have you learnt to feed laying down yet? That one is a game changer

There's also the koala hold which is popular, not one I did but lots of women seem to get on well with it and say it's comfortable

It gets sooooooooooo much easier and then is much less faff than bloody bottles.

I also got advice not to quit on a bad day or at a low ebb. Not everyone agrees with that advice but it personally really helped me keep going and by 4 weeks I didn't need advice like that as BF was easier. Oh and get stuck into a good TV series and get your DH doing everything else except BFing if they are around.

Also wanted to recommend this book I've been listening to on audible by lovely lady called Olivia Hinge it's called "a judgement free guide to feeding your baby, boob, bottle and all"

Fantastic book. She's also on instagram and has lots of helpful content

I understand. It is your decision what you decide to do. You could mix feed and pump, or hang in there and see.