To hate the phrase "No Thank you"

[Wishingplenty]

I really hate the phrase "No Thank you" often said to a very young child, usually in a high pitched condescending tone, often when said child just wants to interact in a friendly manner with whoever is saying it's child.
Case in point, my 10 month old baby who has just started crawling, crawled up to a child about 3 and wanted to look at her boots. Mother of said child says loudly in a really high pitched condescending to tone oh "No Thank you" to my baby son.
Why say this to a baby? and why are you teaching your toddler to be totally unpleasant to a much younger child?
I have encountered this a few times to varying degrees with other children and just find it so utterly rude and nasty and most of all completely unnecessary!

This.
My autistic DS gets very distressed by others in close proximity to him trying to touch him. So I model him advocating his space by saying things like 'no thank you' or 'I need space'.
Not being condescending or unpleasant - just advocating for my kid with massive communication and sensory difficulties.
Nothing to do with anyone's baby!

It does if you know your 3yo is going to throw a wobbler at a baby touching their boots. Three year olds being three and all.

@Wishingplenty
I think I understand you.
It wasn't the actual fact of removing, or getting you to remove baby. If I knew my child wouldn't be happy with the baby touching her, I'd step in, and say in a kind voice something like "sorry, Amy doesn't like her shoes touched" and then smile at the mum, or offer a toy to distract baby or something.

Really? You honestly think the majority of people are interested in other peoples children? I hate to break it to you, but they aren’t.

What if the other child was prone to lashing out and the mum was trying to keep the baby away? There could be lots of reasons for the person reacting this way.
If a baby crawled up to me I would probably say, “oh hello there. I think you need to go back to your mum”. Does that make me awful? I don’t want to interact with a child I don’t know.

Real life doesn't work like that. You can't "no thank you" your way out of anything like a diva and call it "boundaries"

It really does, especially when someone’s about to touch you/ your stuff and you don’t want them to! The sooner kids learn this the better!

How strange!
If I get a sweet baby who approaches, I'd always say hello to him or her.

Especially at a baby group.

However ''No, thank you'' isn't rude.

If I get rude obnoxious dogs invading my space, I say ''NO!'' very forcefully, as don't want muddy painfully raking claws on my legs.

you're welcome = "sarcasty nasty"!

If she'd said get your baby to the far side of fuck then fuck off some more I think you might have had a point.

So would I. I certainly wouldn't do the annoying sing songy 'No thank you' voice.

Then why go to a baby group which will be full of children you don't know.

It really does not. Unless you're socially inept, most people navigate such interactions with more grace and kindness.

Its not. It is extremely silly amd not very kind.

For all anybody knows, the mother could be literally hanging by a thread, and just not in the mood for explaining why it would not be a good idea for someones baby to try to touch her child's shoes. She could be preventing her child from lashing out from being touched, the child could be autistic, who knows? I could sit here and say, well she could have smiled, and said etc... It is easy to say all this.

What twaddle.

What would you rather she had said? "Piss off!"

@Jifmicroliquid

Really? You honestly think the majority of people are interested in other peoples children? I hate to break it to you, but they aren’t.

Interested? Maybe not. Kind and understanding? Yes. Certainly where I live that's the case.

Mumsnet is a bitch fest so it makes sense that this is a reflection of the majority of posters' actual lives. Shame for them because the toddler and baby groups here are lovely places.

No. What is extremely silly is not teaching your young children that it's ok to politely assert their boundaries. That does NOT make them unkind. It makes them a person with boundaries, who has respect both for themselves and for others. It makes them a person who understands that it's ok to say no to an adult or other child who attempts to interact with them physically in a way that makes them uncomfortable. If you teach your child that other people's wants and desires trump their own, when it relates to their own possessions or bodies, then more fool you.

Utterly mad, For a start a baby isn't a dog nor did it jump up. Honestly, some folk.

Those saying the mother should have explained her reasoning how entitled are you!

Why should she have to disclose her situation to you a stranger, maybe her kid has SEN and doesn’t respond well to being touched, maybe they have an immunosuppressed family member, maybe she just can’t be arsed entertaining someone else’s kid!

I’m sure the OP would have plenty to say if the mother didnt warn the baby off and it got a boot to the face!

Very sad the responses on here. The mother’s response is rude and sums up Mumsnet’s views on babies who are gorgeous and it’s hardly dangerous crawling up to a toddler at a playgroup. Children interacting at play groups is wonderful! And no I do not have a dog or want jumping on me. Do not mind any babies crawling up to me or my toddler. Babies are not pets and should not be compared.

Come on. We are talking about a baby crawling over to them. In a baby group.

In three short, simple words the toddler’s mum communicated complex messages to three people:

her child: ‘it’s OK, I’ve got this/you don’t have to put up with baby/your shoes are safe/don’t kick off please/ this is how you politely decline interaction’

you: ‘please don’t let your child drool all over these nice/grubby shoes/you don’t know how hard my little darling can kick or how loud he’ll wail if anyone so much as touches his feet/take him away because he shouldn’t be crawling all over the place unsupervised’

to your child: ‘it’s not a good moment and/or you’re not playing nicely at the moment and that’s OK, that’s what you’re here to learn.’

That’s pretty genius in my book. Socialisation is about learning and understanding social cues, when and when not to approach people, and how.

I sometimes say this to my own toddler if he’s doing something he shouldn’t be but I would never say it to someone else’s child. My two love babies and would always enjoy interacting with them though.

So you can reach your kids boundaries but not to boot babies in the face?

The baby didn’t just crawl up, the baby was touching the toddlers shoes which I imagine was irritating. The mum did nothing wrong.

Oh wow