DH wants to pull daughter out of preschool

[CadburyChocolate]

DD has just turned 3 and had her first day at preschool today. She was great at drop off and absolutely loved it. She has been excited to go for ages.

DH has been saying for the past 2 or 3 days that he doesn't want her to be at preschool. Saying he wants to treasure every moment, and he doesn't want her looked after by strangers.

It's hard for me to let DD go too, I was in floods of tears after dropping her off this morning. But, we decided to send her for good reasons (mostly the opportunity to make more friends) and I don't want to just pull her out because we're feeling emotional.

I'm annoyed that DH left it so late to say anything. He says it's because he has ADHD and he just doesn't process things in advance. He's very down and it's compounding my mum guilt about being apart from DD.

I don't know what to do. Should I keep DD in preschool against DH's wishes?

Children need the opportunity to socialise, learn how to make friends and deal with the emotions that come along with that - it's how they find out who they are

It also prepares them for school and they learn and are more prepared when they do go to school

I had DS who went to nursery and DS who went to a childminder practically with 1-2 other children. DS who went to nursery definitely found the transition to school easier, was more confident and outspoken. DS who went to childminder and didn't get the opportunity to go to a nursery lacked in confidence, was very shy, a little anxious also as he was not used to being in a room of 25 children. If I could have gotten him into a nursery I would have preferred that.

Why is the preschool any more likely to teach her values you don't agree with than school is? Is he not going to send her there either?

I'd just leave him to get over this tbh, 3 is the ideal age for her to start, and 15 hours a week isn't too much, she'll have lots of fun and learn so much. Teachers can always tell the kids that have been to preschool to those that haven't. He's being completely over protective and very selfish. This isn't about what he wants and what's best for him.

I was a SAHM and DS went to preschool from 2 1/2, building up to 5 mornings plus lunchtime a week. We felt it was essential for him as an only child and meant that he was more than ready for school.

I completely get the wobbles, I suck at any sort of life transition myself and these things can feel really hard. It has to be about what's best for the child though, if this setting is the right place for them then I'm sorry but your DP has to manage his own feelings himself.

He sounds like a nightmare

I’m a reception teacher and I can always tell which children went to nursery and which didn’t…

DH seems a bit more accepting about school, I think he just doesn't want everything to happen before it needs to.

I tried talking to him about different hours so he can still have his day with DD, but he's not open to that unfortunately. He denies that his emotions are affecting his opinions in any way 🙄

I think I will give it two weeks for the emotions to die down and then review. If DD is happy and we've got to know the teachers a bit better that may help

I think I will give it two weeks for the emotions to die down and then review. If DD is happy and we've got to know the teachers a bit better that may help

Good plan. This should be about your daughter's needs, not your husband's.

🤣 agree

Do not pander to his whim.

Leave your child in school.

Taking her out just to make him feel better would be terrible for her, and would also set yourself up for further quiet 'tantrums' where a pouty face and heart rending attitude of desolation would be trotted out to get his own way.

How does this man get through his days at work if he is such a fragile flower?

I agree with the comments that this man is an idiot / nightmare/ selfish, etc.

He magically comes up with concerns when there was discussion. And now you're thinking about how to alleviate those worries. No. If he wanted something different he should have said. If he wants it now, he needs a plan. And that plan can't be allocating your time.

And the values stuff is weird. What values are preschool workers foisting on little children?
Agree @MrsTerryPratchett

@CadburyChocolate You need to be very firm. Your husband is playing games.

Some countries don't start anything formal till around age 6 or 7.
No ita not normal to hand a 3 year old over to strangers! 🙈
It never was normal. It became "normal" when we wanted all adults working so needed mass child care.
The 3 to 6 age is amazing if you can be with your child. Super fun activities you can facilitate and you will see them learning and making making leaps in their development.

Nothing wrong with keeping them home if you can.

Most countries that start 'formal' education at 6 or 7 have daycare or nursery or maternelle or preschool provision where the vast majority of children go from age 2 or younger.

Formal education in these societies means being explicitly taught to read or do arithmetic as opposed to play, art, exploration of the outside world, getting on well together, and learning skills like cutting food, simple cooking, and self care/ dressing in the preschool setting .

They aren't handing them to strangers. What a stupid comment. You have settling in sessions and meet the staff.