DH wants to pull daughter out of preschool

[CadburyChocolate]

DD has just turned 3 and had her first day at preschool today. She was great at drop off and absolutely loved it. She has been excited to go for ages.

DH has been saying for the past 2 or 3 days that he doesn't want her to be at preschool. Saying he wants to treasure every moment, and he doesn't want her looked after by strangers.

It's hard for me to let DD go too, I was in floods of tears after dropping her off this morning. But, we decided to send her for good reasons (mostly the opportunity to make more friends) and I don't want to just pull her out because we're feeling emotional.

I'm annoyed that DH left it so late to say anything. He says it's because he has ADHD and he just doesn't process things in advance. He's very down and it's compounding my mum guilt about being apart from DD.

I don't know what to do. Should I keep DD in preschool against DH's wishes?

No preschool teacher cares about the future employment of the kids. It’s about ways to control and manage a large group of children, the only way to avoid absolute chaos and keep everyone safe is to have clear boundaries and rules. There’s nothing inherently negative about lining up.

OP, is your partner a stay at home dad??

Preschool really isn't important though. We start childcare very early in the UK compared to the rest of the world, including developed countries.

He needs to put his child's needs before his own insecurities and anxieties. That's just not fair on your daughter. Their world has to open up beyond their little family in order for them to grow and develop. No way would I go along with this. He needs to deal with it.

This needs to be about what's best for her not you or you husband.
At 3 she's a perfect age, and she sounds very excited. Of course you are both BU.

🤣🤣🤣

Is your DH her full time carer?
If not he isn't treasuring every moment anyway.

It's normal to feel some sadness as your dc grow but it is healthy for them to try new things. This needs to be about what is best for your dd not your DH. If it works for her she should be allowed to experience it.

Floods of tears? Madness. A slight lump in your throat maybe but floods seems like you’ve both got way too attached to DD in an unhealthy way.

Did your daughter enjoy herself? Is she sociable and looking forward to going again?? If so then you both need to wave her off with big smiles and let her make some friends and have some fun.
Pre-school is a great way to start getting ready for school and to learn about all sorts of things.
There needs to be no mum guilt about sending your Dd to preschool for a few hours a week!

DO YOU THINK your partner might be so concerned about how you reacted (floods of tears) that he is saying this to spare you being upset?

Might just be my child but by three or slightly older I think they start to grow out of the normal toddler church and library groups. They need a bit more.

I think 3 is far too young.
And 4 is too young for P1- my eldest was 4& 2 months when he started P1. He could have done with another year.

She's three. Of course she should go, especially if she enjoys it. He's being very controlling.

I’m not sure this is entirely accurate.
I think childcare will start at the age that is needed for parents to work and provide for the family.
School starting age does differ across Europe and the world. Uk is one of the earlier.

She needs to go, she’ll enjoy it. Also if she’s now 3, in just one year she’ll be going to school. You have to get used to it, and so does she.

My 3 year old loves preschool so much- she's so excited to go in, and make drawings to show us when she is home. She loves learning new songs and making long term friendships. I would never take that away from her. We have the weekends and mornings and evenings for memories and we make good ones.

How would you get a group of nursery children ready to walk outside?

We start childcare early because parents have to work!

My little one is in preschool and absolutely loves it! And it means me and his dad can work and do boring life stuff while he plays all day!

No one is committed to optional preschool at age 3 after only 1 day. It’s not like she has enlisted as a child soldier in the army for Christ’s sake.

He is being a twat. Your kid is happy and confident. Why deny her the chance to grow and socialize just to sit at home all day with no other kids to play with.

And Pre-School is not school.
3 is not too young for most children to go and play with some toys, listen to some stories, paint some pictures and interact with other children…
They’re not being sat down and drilled in times tables!

Does he not work? How is he treasuring every moment if so anyway? Or is he a SAHP? Or does he mean he thinks you should treasure every moment in his absence?

Personally I think 3yo and above should generally be in some form of nursery/preschool at least a few hours a week as I think it does them a disservice not doing so and then expecting them to go from zero experience of a childcare setup to full-time school.

I've seen a friend 'treasure every moment' with her DD who never went into any childcare before school began and the hysterics from the pair of them on the first day of school and subsequently now we are three weeks in (Scotland) was quite difficult to watch. I think 3 is a perfect time to do some preschool, which is all play-based anyway.

There is nothing wrong with considering your, your DH’s and your DD’s emotions when it comes to preschool. Some of the best decisions are made based on emotion.

You haven’t said if this is full day, 5 days a week or 2 half days a week or what of preschool. My personal opinion is that a just turned 3yr old is too young for full days, 5 days a week. They’ll enjoy the first day, sure, but most are exhausted and cranky by the start of day 3.

I wouldn’t dismiss what he has said, or pull her out right away. I’d say lets see how she does and if it’s too much, let’s reduce her schedule and play it by ear.

Or does he mean he thinks you should treasure every moment in his absence?

LOL!

Hi OP,

Is your child starting school next September? If she just turned 3, that means she has two years of preschool - right?

Plenty of time for her to go, so taking a year out is no big deal. Introducing her to local playgroups and being generally more social can also be enough if she doesn’t go. Some people send their children just for a term before school to make a couple of friends (and get used to the germs).