Ramifications of 5yo having a bath when adults are sleeping?

[Zazzlez]

I am lost! One of my worst fears has happened this morning, my DD 5 has made herself a bath while we were sleeping, it's literally a nightmare come to life for me as DD loves water and I've repeatedly asked dh to put the plug away after baths, my question is though, how do we punish her for this? I've suggested no baths (just showers). I am so upset, I'm usually awake at 6am, stirring and aware at 5am.

I wouldn’t punish her but I would tell her very firmly that she isn’t allowed to do this ever again. I’d also get her a gro clock and tell her she can’t get up for the day until she sees the sun on it. Getting up at 5am is far too early (if that’s when it happened).

Running yourself a bath isn’t a punishable offence! You need to reinforce that it’s not something she’s allowed to do on her own at her age, and make sure you remove the plug when it’s not in use.

I think you're right in that the natural consequence is that there's no baths for a while, she needs to see a clear consequence to learn the boundary. I wouldn't rely on anyone else to put the plug away either I would just do it myself for peace of mind. We've all been there with different things OP- another learning curve ♥️

I wouldn't punish her, I'd make sure the plug is put away. Luckily no harm came to her

Why would you want to punish her? Have you ever told her 'You are on no account to have a bath without a grown-up there in the room with you'? I doubt it, therefore she didn't know it was 'wrong'. Just stress it to her seriously now and move on.

I also wouldn’t punish. I would explain to her that she has to wait for an adult as water can be dangerous even in a bath,

She has a gro clock already and she usually comes into our room for a cuddle when she wakes up, I think she needs to see the consequences for her actions, she already knows she can't just "have a bath", definitely going to start putting the plug away myself.

Why would you punish her when it is parental error?

Put the plug away or put a high lock on the bathroom door.

You and your DH could have removed the plug.

I understand the fear and the seriousness of this but you need to take adult responsibility for making sure it can't happen again. Don't punish your DD unless you also punish the two adults.

What about the consequences for your actions?

You're punishing your DD for a parental error.

I've repeatedly asked dh to put the plug away after baths What punishment is he getting?

I'm going to be punishing myself for months, I won't be able to sleep properly after this, but I see what you mean. She is 5 though and I've repeatedly told her about the dangers of water, and bathing alone (I have anxiety so it's something I've often worried about).

Assume you will also be punishing yourself and your DH too given that you are the adults here? She is 5, they do silly things at 5, our job as adults is to explain why not to do them and to take ac to on to prevent them doing so.

If DH didn't put the plug away and that is what you normally do , it is him that has made an error. I wouldn't punish DD- you are looking to lay blame with a 5 yr old instead of the adults in charge.

I definitely wouldn’t punish her as it’s more on the parents and at 5 they are so young.
I agree with a pp about a plug. My children were always early risers , still are and one is a teen!
I’ve actually read on mn how parents let their kids go down to have breakfast on their own from 5 onwards while they sleep in , I absolutely wouldn’t do this as my 6 year old (years ago) almost choked on food before despite me literally being there and it was completely silent .
I would be particularly careful if a child has no older siblings around also. I get that your daughter probably just snuck down and you weren’t aware so that’s such a shock. Maybe you could put a little bell on the door so you can hear when they try and get up in the morning.

5 is really , really young@Zazzlez

Why does dh need punishing? Maybe OP needs punishing I never put the plug away, they always used to be attached didn't they? But my dc knew running a bath was something an adult did when they were that age.

Your dd needs to be told that this mustn't happen ever again until she's older and that there will be a punishment next time if she disobeys you.

I’m just pleased she didn’t scald herself… I would encourage her even at this age to have some critical thinking-

dd when you decided to have a bath- what were you thinking?

erm- I wanted a bath and I could do it myself.

Okay so what can you think might have gone wrong?

Then you will see if she had any insight into the risks- and if she did, why she ignored them. And if she didn’t.. why not? Do you overworry to the point she just ignores your concerns as most are actually fruitless? Her biggest risk was scalding- not drowning. And she is very lucky she wasn’t badly hurt. She needs to actually understand that- so speak about it and help her come to the realisation of what she should have done and why you’re so upset.

FWIW I wouldn’t ban baths- just use them to show her how things could have gone wrong… and then remove the plug!!

I get you are shocked and upset but sounds like you're projecting. It's not DD's fault - she loves water and baths and is 5. You need to remove the plug and it won't happen again. It's on you both as parents. Don't be angry with her just explain the dangers again. Poor DD. I have this vision of her happily running herself a bath, thinking about what toys she's going to play with. Maybe shampoo her hair. Bless her. But yes, a total no-no to run a bath while mummy and daddy are sleeping!

Absolutely don't blame the child. In her mind she was probably being clever doing it while you were still asleep and surprised as t the reaction she got.

Of course she needs to know it's not safe.

But really you need to take steps to ensure safety as you know that could have ended very differently.

And you must be heavy sleepers not to notice her up and about, never mind the water going on?!

Not fair to punish her because you suffer anxiety.

You risk passing your anxiety on by catastrophising having a bath.

Maybe sleep with your bedroom door open so you can hear her get up?
Don't tell her off for it. You don't want to scare her. But explain that she must have mummy or daddy with her when she has a bath, or baths are just for bedtime etc.

But shes 5 ….you can tell her til you blue in the face ……but there’s always a chance she will do it anyway…..so you minimise the risk ( hide the plug)….but you don’t punish

I wouldn’t punish her this time, but explain that it is dangerous and if she does it again there will be punishments, including no more baths.

Keep the plug hidden.

No harm done, take a breath.

I'd move on feeling relieved that nothing bad happened. She's fine and doesn't need punishing. I'd tell her that you're going to keep the bath plug somewhere out of reach as she's a bit young to have a bath unsupervised.

@Zazzlez is she used to “running her own bath “ usually ? As in told to run it and put toys in etc herself ? Maybe she just thought she was doing something good.
Bottom-line kids that age and older, especially with no siblings, need to have a parent around them in the mornings etc .
I think sometimes when children aren’t toddlers and need constant vigilance parents can get a bit more relaxed but I can’t stress enough my child was just turning 7 when they had a choking incident ( and I was there beside them ) and it was totally silent).
I’ve read on here many time kids from 6 onwards downstairs on their own while parents sleep and it’s definitely not something that I would do in light of what happened with one of my kids. It sounds over the top but that choking incident while we were with them really showed me how easily things can happen with young kids.