Ramifications of 5yo having a bath when adults are sleeping?

[Zazzlez]

I am lost! One of my worst fears has happened this morning, my DD 5 has made herself a bath while we were sleeping, it's literally a nightmare come to life for me as DD loves water and I've repeatedly asked dh to put the plug away after baths, my question is though, how do we punish her for this? I've suggested no baths (just showers). I am so upset, I'm usually awake at 6am, stirring and aware at 5am.

Bless her. She probably thought she was being really grown up and helping.
Sit down and explain that it’s lovely that she enjoys her baths, but that she mustn’t have a bath on her own because it is dangerous if she slipped and fell under the water. Then a big cuddle.

Is there any way of removing the plug completely and storing it somewhere she can’t get at it, just incase?

The dad has been told not to leave the plug where the child can get it, for very good reason. I’d stop his access to the children, and say he’s not responsible enough to have them if he can’t take the proper precautions.

Madness isn’t it? We ac t expect more from children than adults. It’s unreasonable and unrealistic.

Just explain - 'it's brilliant that you can do this for yourself. I'm so proud of your capabilities. The problem is, water is extremely dangerous and you should always make sure there is someone else around incase you need us'. I think many parents don't want to scare children with the dangers of water but when we don't, it makes them over confident because it seems like such fun!

Too much info for a 5 yr old. They should be living a carefree childhood not be taught to be anxious in case they drown, slip or get scalded. 🙄

If they follow the instructions, they won't drown or get scalded. I always gave my dc clear, factual information.

I really wouldn’t withhold baths. That is likely to either increase the chances of her trying to run her own again, or give her the fear and mean she won’t enjoy them again for ages.

This is on you & your DH. Talk to her about why it’s dangerous and then move on and make sure someone is awake when she is; and the plug is out of the way. She shouldn’t have any additional punishments.

I’m glad she’s okay and I’m sorry your DH ignored you asking him to remove the plug.

1. your priority needs to be sorting your anxiety. Not sleeping over months because of this is pathological- you need medical help.

2. why is she wanting solo baths? I've never heard of a 5yo running themselves a bath. (Is it to avoid your anxiety?)

3. why is punishing her your question?

She's five. Her brain does not work like yours does. You could tell her 100 times about the dangers of having a bath but would she truly understand the consequences? No. Even tell her it will harm her or even kill her she won't comprehend what you are saying. She has baths a lot. Therefore they are ok (in her mind). Unless she actually DID almost drown she will find it very hard to take in verbal warnings - they may understand the words but not the meaning behind them. If just explaining things worked with small children we wouldn't have to hide away cleaning liquids, pills etc.
Do not punish her. Her brain does not understand but yours does. Therefore you take on that role of keeping her from harm that she can't.

I haven't been sleeping for months, this past month I've had trouble staying asleep.

She has a bath on her own every time she bathes! (With adult supervision)

And I want her to understand that having a bath alone isn't acceptable!

I am quite surprised at how many people think a 5 yo isn't aware or their actions or can't determine if something is safe or not! My DD is going into year 1 soon and no teachers will be following her to the school bathrooms, and at a school she is held accountable for what she does, honestly I'm surprised at how many people don't think a 5 yr old should have basic survival instincts. And no my anxiety doesn't affect bath time, my dh bathes my DC as it's small bit of quality time with them.

OP I think all those saying she shouldn't be punished are missing the part where you'd already explicitly told DD she mustn't do this and she then did it anyway. She's old enough to follow an instruction not to do something. I'm sorry you had such a scare.

Punish her? What the heck?

You need to make sure she can’t do it again. Be more vigilant and also keep the plug hidden in your bedroom.

This.If you have a nonslip bathmat, what is the problem? How is an older child any safer?

But at schools they have taps that turn off after a few seconds, because they acknowledge that children (although they know better) sometimes can’t help themselves. Things like knives used for cooking lessons, scissors etc are kept out of reach unless they’re being used. All the children know to avoid boiling water, but the teachers use those leakproof flasks in case a child gets silly and knocks one over. They don’t allow them to play out of sight on the school yards, because they know that kids will be kids.

Schools mitigate risks. You and your husband (because you’re human) forgot to do that. No school would expect to leave a child unsupervised and have them behave perfectly. That’s why they take the steps they do.

Edited to correct spelling.

For me it begs the question of when a person might be able to safely take a bath alone.

Have you considered how you can teach her to look for the risks and things she can do to manage those risks. If “having a bath” is a hazardous situation what are the measures one can take to reduce the risks.
This will include how to get into and out of the bath safely, the level she is permitted to fill to (make a mark with a permanent marker!).
It is much much more effective for her long term development to be trained to assess and manage risk, than to be left unequipped and frightened.

Take the taps off. It's simple enough to take them off and put them back as needed when you know how.
A friend did this because her toddler was obsessed with shiny things and the hot tap in their house was scalding.

Some of these responses are batshit.

Are people genuinely suggesting 'punishment' (non physical just removing something she likes for a short time as reinforcement of the message) for something she did that could have KILLED or badly BURNED her is out of line and the parents fault for daring to ever sleep but the solution is to lock her out of the bathroom???

SS might have some seriously different views on that.

The difficulty with the extent to which schools mitigate risk is that it nullifies any requirement to actually engage the brain. And actually some people can only learn the hard way. They are so hostile to anyone telling them what to do that they would much prefer to put their hand on the hot stove and get burned than have you tell them not to put their hand there and avoid the pain.

edited for spelling mistakes.

Just take the plug away and then move on like normal absolutely no need to ban baths for any amount of time , you have told her she shouldn’t have done it and that should be the end of it . Don’t turn it into a drama .

I wouldn't be sharing too much about adult anxiety either tbh, unless to apologise amd explain for maybe overreacting to something. Perhaps this is what you meant. Our issues and emotions are ours to deal with, not to be put on the shoulders of young children imo. Obviously you should get appropriate support for yourself also.

I find it odd you to jump to 'punish' honestly.

'She has a bath on her own every time she bathes! (With adult supervision)

And I want her to understand that having a bath alone isn't acceptable!'

She's not on her own if DH baths her. And banning her from supervised baths for 2 weeks isn't a logical punishment to teach her she can't bath alone.

Also you will notice schools doesn't allow children to have unsupervised access to bodies of water, bathroom sinks don't even have plugs in, so that analogy is daft.

Oh, I don’t disagree. My eldest only stopped trying to following me onto the patio on bare feet once he’d stood on a stone.

I was referencing the ‘school won’t always supervise / would hold her accountable’ part of the ops post. The analogy doesn’t work, because school wouldn’t have had access to a potential drowning risk unsupervised.

She has actually proved to herself that she is perfectly capable of running her own bath at the correct temperature and not drowning. Your reaction and worries about the potential risk will seem irrational to her. That is why I wouldn’t punish her, I would just hide the plug and tell her to get an adult if she wants a bath. Banning baths will just give her more incentive to want to have one without adults knowing about it.

It's cruel to repeatedly punish a 5 year old for any mistake. All it will do is make her feel unhappy and give her anxiety. It won't keep her safe.

As others have said- take the plugs away & get a lock on the door & lock at night.