Family friends with radically different parenting values - awkward

[JazbayGrapes]

Hosted a bbq last weekend. Invited a few friends with families. Including one family we've known for a couple of years, just hadn't invited before. There were 7 kids in total. In our house, during social gatherings kids usually have a free reign on screens and sweet treats. This new family seemed very uptight about it (they're very big on healthy living and positive values). Mother loudly announced that her kids are not allowed to play x, y, z, and to only have 1 treat. Their boy seemed resentful and said he wanted to go home. I felt bad for him, as well as for the mum, because she was made to look unreasonable. So where does that leave me - not to invite them ever again?

Yes, I do object to children being taught on an interactive screen.

Why? it’s a perfectly good way of teaching kids things.

Some people are very odd about technology.

What’s the difference between kids sat playing a board game or a game of cards (as examples) and taking turns on a screen?

Oh, I don't mind taking turns on a screen at a party. I wouldn't choose it the entire time and I wouldn't make a scene, but I think this is essentially harmless.

But on learning on screens, I think that screen addiction is a real problem in adults that now starts in childhood. Screens overload children and capture their attention, making it hard to regulate and pay attention to analogue material. I think this is bad - and in general worry about the effects of screen normalisation on every aspect of life, for example, socialising is better done in person (as it is when kids share screens at a party).

My personal opinion is that it will cause more damage for that child to feel singled out than it would for a few hours of screen time or sweets/popcorn/crisps. Also wholeheartedly agree with the poster who said the child won’t know how to regulate themselves when they get older. We barely had anything sweet growing up and all binged when we became teens with a small amount of cash in our pockets. Whatever happened to everything in moderation? Extremes of any kind rarely seem to work out favourably in the long run

That makes no sense.

Screens are a tool. And like most tools can be used badly or positively.

Using screens to learn isn’t an innately bad thing nor does it stop in person socialising. It doesn’t stop anyone using ‘analogue material’. You don’t learn on a screen one day and lose the ability to learn away from screens. Children, especially, are learning

If a screen is the only learning tool or socialising tool it’s probably not ideal. But I don’t think learning in a screen is the issue there.

i dont really understand objecting to all screen learning.

I'm a bit like you, I'm not really bothered about screen time or treats. However if the other children weren't allowed I'd probably say to mine 'can you put your phone/ipad down until they go please and then you can have it' in hopes they didn't stay very long

Perhaps you would prefer them to play Pin the Tail on the Donkey or Oranges & Lemons. I would rather play on the screens myself than return to the 1950:60s
These acquaintances sound boring so I wouldn’t invite them again. Why waste money re food on them.

If they are against harry potter ect it could be religious as well. I had a friend who wasnt obviously religious but he had to leave the class when we watched harry potter.
Typically im let the reigns loosen when at family as it is a different environment, banned from tv at home but can still watch it at nannas. No screen time at home unless x y z has been met but at the cousins go nuts.
its very difficult to force rules when others clearly arent obeying the same,

Is this a joke or are you dalulu?!

So every rioter played violent video games? Or everyone who plays violent video games is a rioter? What a load of nonsense 😂😂

Im guessing you have never taught before?

A smartboard is invaluable in a classroom.

I don’t think you should invite them anymore and if you do they should not come over. It is clear you have completely different way of parenting so any gathering won’t be relaxed or an happy event.
I hate when I go to gatherings and all kids are just parked in front of tv or tablet, it is not socialising and it just does not teach kids how to behave at social events. If kids play a lot and then towards the end of the gathering they watch a movie or play a bit its ok, but only tv with no real socialising is a big no for me. I am also against no limit sweets or crisps. I would not say no to cake, a few sweets or some crisps but the whole day filling themselves with junk (and in front of a screen) would be a big no. I don’t get drunk or stuff myself with cakes and food at parties so I would not want my kids to do the same. I actually find it lazy when guests just give junk to my kids when they invite us and don’t prepare anything else. So I would not be coming to your house party anymore and I just go with people who have a different approach, as it would not be enjoyable at all for me.

I think they were very rude to try to one-up you in your own home regarding your parenting choices.
Now they’ve seen how you roll, any future invites should include a ‘you know how we let the kids spend their time at these events -your choice’.

We all parent differently, but to try to impose their style on all the children in attendance is plain wrong. You did nothing wrong.

How did people manage before 2012 then?

People managed without indoor plumbing, do you want to go back to shitting in a hole outside?

So just to be clear, you think that education now is significantly improved compared to 2012, comparably to how plumbing has improved compared to the 1800s?

Firstly, how long have you spent in a classroom pre and post 2012?

Secondly, the state of education currently is the result of my many factors. None of these are related to a classroom smartboard.

I honestly thought you were going to say she was 3! Not 7 bless her.

My 7 year old would be appalled 😂

That's such a shame for her, and I thin it would give her a more unhealthy attitude towards food in the future than of they just let her have the treat.

2012?!? Hilarious! I was in primary school and I remember the first IWB being fitted. This was early 2000s. Before that, there were projector screens or TVs wheeled into the room for 30 children to crowd around.

It’s worth keeping in mind that the IWB are not used as a continual stimulus for the children with endless videos playing. Usually, they display the question or a picture for the teacher to use to aid teaching. Would you rather they all spent 10+ minutes every lesson writing out new maths problems to be solved when an IWB can store it ready on the next page?

When I taught, I also used flipchart paper and a normal whiteboard as additional aids to teach concepts or skills. I found handwriting lessons far less practical on the IWB so I hand wrote on handwriting lined flipchart paper. It’s called using the best tool for the job.

Out of interest, how old is your niece?

I taught in a school that was rebuilt in 2002. The best thing about it at the time was every classroom had interactive whiteboards fitted! They were a bloody nightmare always going wrong, but they were the FUTURE!

Their kids will really resent them and will rebel as soon as they can.
It's a one off - fair enough if it was every day but a few sweets won't kill them.

@ReginaPhalang3 she's 7

Thanks! I was thinking it would be very different if she was a young toddler but 7 is definitely old enough to handle a big sugar and to feel left out

Im with the OP. Everyone has different rules and values but to announce it loudly in this way is basically just putting down your host and saying you think you’re better than them. If she really felt that strongly then she could have quietly reminded her kids of their rules.