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Original poster

Help here needed big time, feel a real old fuddy duddy and DD thinks I am being unreasonable - what do you think? Please be honest!

130 replies

pinkbubble · 14/04/2008 21:40

DD (almost 14) asked if she can have 3 friends to sleep over later this week. I say ok, DH is away for the night, not worried about that, in fact think its probably easier.

Then DD drops a bomb shell!!!!!!

"Can we have alcohol!" Says she

"No" says I

"Oh please!"

"No"

"Well when we were at ....... house we were allowed Archers and WKED!"

" " says I

Am I being old and Fuddy Duddy or am I being a responsible parent?

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geordieminx · 14/04/2008 21:54

Would put money onfriends parents not actually giving them alchol - this is probably what they all say to their parents in a bid to convince them to buy it...

"But x is allowed to stay out til 6am... can I"

"Y's mum buys her e's and f's and everything... on a school night"

"z's dad bought him his own island for xmas - can I have one"

TurkeyLurkey · 14/04/2008 21:56

ooh yes Cinzano and lemonade..or a Snowball!! Made you feel dead grown up!.

Original poster
pinkbubble · 14/04/2008 21:56

Also worried about DD how she will look infront of her friends, although saying that I will not be put off by peer pressure, just worried for her sake!

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NorthernLurker · 14/04/2008 21:56

Under no circumstances would I allow my dd and friends to consume alchol in my house at that age - and if her friend's parents really did hand it over then I would want to have a 'chat' with them as well.

geordieminx · 14/04/2008 21:57

Not like in your day eh NL

Original poster
pinkbubble · 14/04/2008 21:59

Thats just it, it came out so naturally that she had alcohol, I really think she did, and didn't think anything if it! It was only when she said to me that they asked if alcohol would be there, thats when I found out alcohol was at her last sleep over!

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 14/04/2008 22:05

Exactly GMM! There is a particular incident that comes to mind - when I saw the effects of alcohol on 12 year olds.....not ME btw. Not a pretty sight at all! Oh and I've just remebered what happened to another friend aged 13 - alcohol had a role there too - oh dear.

Original poster
pinkbubble · 14/04/2008 22:08

DH has said no! Buy them a case of Panache from Somerfield. That is it End of!!!!!

Somehow I have to tell DD, although I am so relieved, didn't really want them having alcohol at my house!

OP posts:
mummyflood · 14/04/2008 22:13

When my DS was 13 last yr, his he was chatting to his friend on MSN, who announced "I am drinking alcohol" (he had a 15yr old friend with him). When I asked the mum, she said "oh, he has had a Smirnoff Ice, if you can call that alcohol" - er, I thought vodka WAS definitely alcohol?? I was gobsmacked, and explained what alcopops are to my DS.

Thank goodness it's not just me that thinks this is out of order at 13, I was also thinking that it was me out of touch, as when I mentioned it to a couple of friends they hardly raised an eyebrow. I also thought it was a problem that child thought it was alcohol, but Mother wasnt so sure!! Obviously it concerns me that if my DS goes round there he may be offered alcohol and may be worried about saying no, however he assures me that he will be confident enough to refuse and will tell me if the situation arises. However, I am getting vibes that this family are, shall we say, much more laid back than us about a few things, and I will definitely be very wary of allowing mine over there for a sleepover for the forseeable!!

XXMFXX

Original poster
pinkbubble · 14/04/2008 22:17

It is so nice to think I am over reacting! Because even though I want my DD to grow up, I want her to grow up safely! I do not feel that at almost 14 is "grown up" enough to experiment with alcohol!

Oh help, never thought being an adult was this hard!

OP posts:
robinpud · 14/04/2008 22:18

Do you think the "alcohol" is really the important part or is it just offering cool drinks? Would they be placated by designing and making cocktails instead?

susiecutiebananas · 14/04/2008 22:20

pinkbubble I am SO shocked at the other girls parents for giving them booze at that age, without asking your permission first!

That is outrageous IMO. I would seriously call them up, and ask them firstly if this is correct, and secondly just say you'd have preferred to have been asked first! Not on at all. If they are happy for their DD to do it then thats fine, but not assume others are too!

Or, maybe if you don't want any kind of awkward conversation, maybe just say that you were planning on having a nice dinner with the girls, and thought you'd let them have a glass of wine with it. Then you can say you'd heard that the girls had had alcohol at their house, and felt it only right to check that had happened and that they really were ok with it first... That way you get your poit across, in a more positive way...

Having a glass of wine with dinner is an entirely different kettle of fish to bloody alcopops!!

Your compromise could be, perhaps, to say to your DD, yes, you can all have glass of wine at dinner. Make sure its not a high % one, and in small glasses. That way, it totally controlled by you, in your presence and that's all they'll have. Also, might deter other girl bringing some?

Gosh, i'm so surprised about this! 13!!! good god. my niece is 12, I'm horrified that she might be thinking about this in a year or so!!

They are growing up far too fast these days! shit, I sound like a terrible old fuddy duddy!

GOsh, that was a long post!

Original poster
pinkbubble · 14/04/2008 22:24

Robin, think its more what has got alcohol in it to be honest!

Susie, I am also shocked, never thought my DD would get into anything like this.

Its so awful as I so want her to fit in, but on the other hand want what is so right!

OP posts:
susiecutiebananas · 14/04/2008 22:27

In fact, give them low alcohol wine, they'll never know the difference in taste, and probably still think they're pissed after dinner...

Original poster
pinkbubble · 14/04/2008 22:28

Ok, Susie, may do that. At least it will save DDs face IYKWIM!

OP posts:
TinySocks · 15/04/2008 05:38

NO, NO, don't give them wine!!!! Why?
Save her face??? What do you mean? Why don't they let kids be kids these days?

ScienceTeacher · 15/04/2008 05:39

Nope - no alcohol. No question of it.

And I wouldn't let her back to ----'s house.

SittingBull · 15/04/2008 05:50

This reply has been deleted

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VictorianSqualor · 15/04/2008 05:53

I'm the same as Harpsi, friends I ahd whose parents had pretty relaxed ideas wrt alcohol have always seemed to be the ones that coped well with it, i.e. never ended up going out and getting bladdered.
One friends mum used to let us have a bucks fizz with dinner(she only drank champers), but I bet there was about an egg cup of alcohol in it.
I wouldn't be impressed anyone gave my child alcohol without checking for my permission first though.

llareggub · 15/04/2008 07:37

I'm not sure I even agree with the whole giving them a glass of wine with dinner thing. I'm sure for some people that it lovely and their children will grow up with a good relationship with alcohol. However, most of the teenagers I knew when growing up had parents with similar views, and I would guess that most of us have had "ishoos" with alcohol at some stage in adulthood. Personally I would not allow my child to drink at home.

zippitippitoes · 15/04/2008 07:46

only read op

definitely no alcohol

they are having a sleepover they can enjoy themselves without it

they are only just 14

doesnt prevent them doing it elsewhere but doesnt condone it either

one message from home should be a consistent no

cory · 15/04/2008 07:56

If you don't want alcohol, then that's what goes! If they bring alcohol, chuck them out! Honestly, guests need to know how to behave, even if they are 14 year-old guests.

My parents refused to serve alcohol when my classmates came to our house during our school leaving do (we were 18!) and I still think they were perfectly within their rights. If you want to visit somebody's house, you accept what you're given.

Besides, 13/4 is very young.

Personally, I would be much happier if other people did not serve alcohol to my children when they reach this age. I would prefer to do it myself at family dinner, rather than at a giggly teen party where they will try to impress each other.

Anyway, I'd be very annoyed if someone served alcohol to any under age child of mine (at least below 16) without checking with me first.

As for saving your daughter's face- na. They need to learn to save their own faces; that's part of growing up.

zippitippitoes · 15/04/2008 07:57

with teens it's a lot easier to have a rule than muddy the waters

Furball · 15/04/2008 07:59

you've got to be careful because if you say no they may sneak some in and you won't know whats going on.

I would just ring the other mums and say is it OK to have one bottle of WKD (or whatever) if yes say to girls yes, you will provide booze. Just give them one bottle, if, they want more make excuse like you thought you had more but they've gone now.

That way you wll be known as 'cool mum' but truth is you are the one in control.

AbbeyA · 15/04/2008 08:00

YANBU, I would just give an outright no and I wouldn't worry about saving her face -I just get put down as the old fuddy, duddy which doesn't bother me! I wouldn't anyway offer alcopops which are a way of making alcohol acceptable to those who don't like the taste. I would be upset if my teenage DS went on a sleepover and was given alcohol.
I would only offer wine or lager,in small amounts, as part of a meal and then not to other people's DCs.

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