On holiday with 2 year old it’s a nightmare

[2001baby]

Hi, I’ve taken my nearly 2.5 year old away for 2 weeks. It’s currently day 5 and I wanna go home.

We’re staying in a hotel, just the two of us. My family have rented a villa 10 mins walk from where we are but it’s just us in the hotel. When we go down for breakfast, he won’t sit down and eat. He wants to get up and run around. Then when I do bring him back to the table he starts throwing his food on the floor. I’m so embarrassed because he’s the only young child there and I feel like all eyes are on us. I feel anxious constantly that he’s gonna smash something.

And since we’re in a hotel that means all meals we have to eat out. It’s the same thing there, he can’t sit still and wait for a meal. I do understand this tbh because at home he only comes to the table once dinner is ready, but it’s so difficult to look after him in these situations because there are so many hazards like flights of stairs for him to run down, glasses and ornaments on display, mirrors etc. All my family are often drinking during dinner so as much as they are happy to follow him round the restaurant I can’t relax with them doing so because I’m anxious that they won’t be as cautious because of the alcohol.

We’re in a very hot country where there are no parks nearby, just swimming pools and beaches. Everytime he gets out the pool I’m nervous he’s gonna slip and hurt himself, or he will come really close to the pool and I’m scared he’s gonna jump in and drown.

He’s my first child, and has had a couple of bad accidents in the past when under other people’s care so I think that’s why I am so anxious about accidents. And here there seems to be so many more potential hazards than at home. I really thought we would have an amazing time, don’t get me wrong we have had some amazing times here, but majority of the time I feel on edge because I don’t know what he’s gonna do next. The only place I feel safe with him is in our hotel room.

I’m not sure if this is normal toddler behaviour, last year he was not like this at all. Or have I failed him massively with my parenting? I wouldn’t say I’m strict at all, I do set clear boundaries but I also understand that developmentally he’s still just a baby exploring the world. My parents think I don’t discipline him enough and that none of us were like that as kids, but they also spanked and shouted a lot so I think we probably ‘acted good’ out of fear 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’m scared I’ve gone too far the other way, and have created a monster!

He is a really sweet, loving boy with a great sense of humour and great language and communication skills. He is just extremely defiant, he doesn’t listen to me and will look me right in my eyes and laugh after doing something I’ve just told him not to.

Any tips for making this holiday less stressful? Or do I just need to accept this is how it is travelling abroad with a 2 year old?

Are you at an AI hotel, so serve yourself food for each meal? Holidays with kids that little is spent in the pool, tire them out, then put them for a nap in the pushchair/on a sun lounger. Or back in the room if you need to and you can sit out on the patio/balcony.

Why are you the only 1s in a hotel?

Sadly (and reassuringly?) it sounds perfectly normal. We had a holiday after lockdown in a hot country with our then 2.5 yo. It was horrific. We still talk about it now as being the world's worst holiday. We naively thought we'd just sit by the pool, watching him splash in the shallows, lovely.
He HATED it all. Hated the heat, the pool, didn't want to eat, had to be carried everywhere, massive meltdowns, didn't sleep properly.
I remember spending a lot of time in a darkened hotel room while he watched duggee on an iPad because that was the only place he wanted to be. We counted the days til we could go home.
So unfortunately this seems normal, but rubbish for you!
On the behaviour thing, don't worry about that either. We thought we had created a monster too- I think possibly all 2 year olds are kind of monsters. He's nearly 6 now and much nicer!

I'd avoid eating out every meal – that's a lot of waiting for a two year old. Can you eat some meals at the villa? Failing that, I'd go to a supermarket, get some picnic bits, and find a bench or bit of grass. We do that for breakfast and/or lunch most days when we're away with the children and it's not self-catering.

When you do eat out, can you go in, order, and then you take him for a walk outside until someone messages you that the food is there?

This probably won't be helpful as most people seem to want holidays abroad for the good weather and I totally see that.
Also, its not al all helpful for you during this holiday.
However, the way we handled this when DC were very young was by having cottage holidays in the UK.
We were lucky in that they were pretty well behaved but they were very early risers (6am-ish) which would have been difficult in a hotel - noise disturbing other guests, hotel breakfast served at set times etc.
Didn't need to worry about that in a cottage.
When they got to 4 and 5, we did a "test flight" to Portugal (again self-catering apartment). Went well so the next year, younger DC had their 5th birthday in Australia.
We really enjoyed the cottage breaks in the UK and often used to have one even when they were teens and experienced travellers.
As said above, I do realise a lot of people want better weather and not to have to provide meals so it's not for everyone.

@Youcancallmeirrelevant it’s not AI, they just do breakfast here.
The pool only keeps him entertained for 15-20 mins max then he wants to get out and run about on the wet slippery floor. :(
nap time is definitely the easiest part of the day! I don’t think he would cope with sleeping outside in the heat so I take him back to the hotel and whack on the air con. We’re staying here because it was quite last minute, we hadn’t originally planned to come and there isn’t enough room in the villa.

This is normal for that age.

Get room service or go to the local shop and buy bread and cheese and fruit to make a picnic type meal, if you eat in the hotel room it's less judgy.

Can you eat some meals in the villa?

In terms of keeping him busy - are there soft play/indoor type places where he will be safe?

@Notforallthetea as awful as that sounds, I’m glad I’m not the only one! I think I definitely underestimated how hard it would be, I’ve taken him abroad a few times but as a baby and even when he was 1 it was soooo much easier.
Please pray for me 😂😭

Sounds normal 😬

is there a high chair you could use to keep him in one place?
could you get some thing he could eat while waiting for his meal? Some chopped fruit perhaps. Waiting isn’t popular with toddlers.

Have you brought a pushchair with you? If so maybe you could feed him earlier at your parents villa then go to restaurants a little later and hope he sleeps/chills with a fiddle toy type of thing.

It's totally normal for a 2yo who isn't used to restaurants not to behave as you would want, especially if they are hot and out of routine.

As for the worrying around the pool, you do have to be vigilant with little ones around water so don't feel bad for worrying. Is the pool area particularly slippery? You can get little water shoes to deal with that. Swimming is excellent for kids though so I'd try and let him enjoy the water as much as possible, plus it'll tire him out.

@skkyelark thank you that’s actually a really good idea. I think I’ve tried to make him fit in with everyone else’s needs, especially when it comes to dinner time everyone wants to go out so late so maybe part of it is he’s so tired as well.
Just going to do our own thing tonight when it comes to dinner, even if it means we’re alone.

Normal sorry - and I was just dreaming about an abroad holiday and you’ve reminded me not to bother - good luck Op 😥

This is the reason I'd never again go on holiday with any child under 4. It's not a holiday, it's hard work.

Are you.able to buy food and eat at the villa? Even if you have to offer a bit of money

It sounds very similar to a recent holiday we had with our two year old, only made more manageable by having 2 parents so we could take turns eating our food at restaurants. I really hope holidays get easier soon as I haven’t felt so on edge since the early post-partum period. For us staying in an apartment was no better than a hotel as there were so many hazards (dangerous staircases, non toddler proofed kitchen etc). Whenever we turned our back for a second she was getting into some sort of trouble.

Completely normal. I remember going out for a meal when DD was about 18 months old, and on the way home her dad saying "let's do this again when she's 3". By far the hardest time is between when they can walk and when they start to understand rules.

Can you go and spend the day at the beach? Get yourself some sort of shade (umbrella, beach tent, whatever) and let him run around on the beach, make sandcastles etc. You'll be less worried about him slipping and falling, and he'll get nicely tired out (yes, you'll still have to follow him round, parenting young children on holdiay is not relaxing!). Get some food from a supermarket to eat on the beach for lunch.

For meals in restaurants - def get him a snack beforehand (will the restaurant give you some bread while you wait for food? That always distracted my DC!) - but also if you've got any toys/activities that you can take for him to do at the table and keep him occupied. Eating in a restaurant is super boring for small children, esp of they're not used to it/are over hungry. It's also massively stimulating - so many new noises, smells, new and exciting things to look at.

I don’t want to sound like im gloating but we recently took our 2.5 year old abroad for the first time and had no issues like this at all, he sat for all meals and couldn’t fault him. Its okay saying its normal for them to act like this, but it is possible for them not to with a bit of discipline. You just have to persevere with it.

<Passes tin hat to BeeDavis>

I'm not disagreeing at all, but you might want to put this on...

Brings back memories, though my DH was with me and we had an apartment. Dd was 2 years, 9 months, and whilst awake, needed 100% attention on that holiday from one of us. Meals out were so stressful we only did it once as I recall. She threw the cutlery on the floor, was only still for 10 minutes while she ate and got down from the table (not sure if there was a high chair) and tried to run out the door to the street. Luckily, on the way home, she slept for hours in the car, as on the way there, she had had to be constantly entertained - ferry plus long car journey.

We thought that was our life to come, but it really wasn't. She got used to eating in restaurants, got better at entertaining herself and sat quietly in the car from age 3. She did get an ADHD diagnosis at 6 though......

Sounds very stressful for you. Can't you eat at the villa? Enlist one of the other adults to be on toddler watch to give you a break?

Totally normal OP, unfortunately I think you’re at the trickiest age for a holiday, especially abroad! Honestly it will get so much easier once they’re 4/5. I’d try and eat some meals in your hotel room, restaurants can be overwhelming and most toddlers do not want to sit and wait! Or try to find restaurants with a little play area or outside space so they can be out of their seat until food comes. I had to massively reduce expectations of what holidays would be!

With that age, I think the way to do holidays is either self-catering in the UK or AI with a kids' club that you can shove them into.

Holidays with family (unless you have helpful grandparents) are often the worst of all, as you're expected to fit around someone else's schedule.

Can you get him a floatation jacket to wear so you're less worried about him falling into the pool and drowning? You still need to keep your eye on him at all times, but if he did slip and fall in, you could at least fish him out quickly rather than him sinking to the bottom.

@BeeDavis I’m jealous! My son is not really use to restaurants, back home I avoid taking him so I think the novelty of it maybe part of the problem.
When you say with a bit of discipline he won’t be like that, what do you mean? For instance if he throws his fork on the floor what would you do in this situation as discipline? I normally tell him we don’t do that it’s not safe blah blah, it goes in one ear out the other. I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall, he understands what I’m saying because his communication is very good for his age (at least that’s what his report from nursery says) he just doesn’t WANT to listen. What am I doing wrong?😩

Did you take a buggy? Can you hire one? Never had a 2 yo like yours sorry but maybe buggy and if he can't behave at the table a highchair? Memo to self or work on his behaviour when you get home. Table manners are vital and sitting patiently is a learned skill. Hope the trip gets better.

You are not removing him from the situation, or moving fork out of his reach. You need to set boundaries and stick to them. He is young but you do sound like you are making excuses for poor behaviour. Holiday isn’t the best time/place to start actually following through but maybe you need to start going to cafes/restaurants at home that you can leave if his behaviour good. Expecting him to sit still for long meals when he’s never had to is going to be hard for both of you. Would he watch a video in the pushchair (with headphones of course!!) when you go out for dinner after giving him food in the hotel (get some bread from supermarket).