On holiday with 2 year old it’s a nightmare

[2001baby]

Hi, I’ve taken my nearly 2.5 year old away for 2 weeks. It’s currently day 5 and I wanna go home.

We’re staying in a hotel, just the two of us. My family have rented a villa 10 mins walk from where we are but it’s just us in the hotel. When we go down for breakfast, he won’t sit down and eat. He wants to get up and run around. Then when I do bring him back to the table he starts throwing his food on the floor. I’m so embarrassed because he’s the only young child there and I feel like all eyes are on us. I feel anxious constantly that he’s gonna smash something.

And since we’re in a hotel that means all meals we have to eat out. It’s the same thing there, he can’t sit still and wait for a meal. I do understand this tbh because at home he only comes to the table once dinner is ready, but it’s so difficult to look after him in these situations because there are so many hazards like flights of stairs for him to run down, glasses and ornaments on display, mirrors etc. All my family are often drinking during dinner so as much as they are happy to follow him round the restaurant I can’t relax with them doing so because I’m anxious that they won’t be as cautious because of the alcohol.

We’re in a very hot country where there are no parks nearby, just swimming pools and beaches. Everytime he gets out the pool I’m nervous he’s gonna slip and hurt himself, or he will come really close to the pool and I’m scared he’s gonna jump in and drown.

He’s my first child, and has had a couple of bad accidents in the past when under other people’s care so I think that’s why I am so anxious about accidents. And here there seems to be so many more potential hazards than at home. I really thought we would have an amazing time, don’t get me wrong we have had some amazing times here, but majority of the time I feel on edge because I don’t know what he’s gonna do next. The only place I feel safe with him is in our hotel room.

I’m not sure if this is normal toddler behaviour, last year he was not like this at all. Or have I failed him massively with my parenting? I wouldn’t say I’m strict at all, I do set clear boundaries but I also understand that developmentally he’s still just a baby exploring the world. My parents think I don’t discipline him enough and that none of us were like that as kids, but they also spanked and shouted a lot so I think we probably ‘acted good’ out of fear 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’m scared I’ve gone too far the other way, and have created a monster!

He is a really sweet, loving boy with a great sense of humour and great language and communication skills. He is just extremely defiant, he doesn’t listen to me and will look me right in my eyes and laugh after doing something I’ve just told him not to.

Any tips for making this holiday less stressful? Or do I just need to accept this is how it is travelling abroad with a 2 year old?

Bless you. Sounds normal, welcome to holidays with young kids. We've vowed to not go abroad next year.

Holidays with toddlers are hard work so I feel your pain. When ours were little we used to feed them around what would be their usual dinner time, then bath them and put fresh clothes or pjs on, so like the usual bedtime routine, then put them in the pushchair and a long walk. They would fall asleep on the walk and sleep through our dinner and after dinner drink 90% of the time.

This is good advice. Give him his proper dinner at his normal time. Then when out he can have a snack or you can order him something to pick at to keep him occupied for a while (even just a handful of breadsticks) Take him in his pram in something comfy he can sleep in (mine a bit younger admittedly but we put him in onesie so he could stretch out and sleep in his pram and no need to wake to change for bed.) if you’re somewhere it’s hot and people eat outside on a strip / square take him for a run around to tire him before your meal arrives (let’s race to the statue! Can you find a leaf? Let’s run back to nanny! etc).

You are definitely gloating. No need to make the OP feel worse.

Sounds very stressful and unfortunately pretty normal 😕. We joke that holidays with young kids absolutely should not be referred to as 'holidays'

My thoughts are with you.

(The only thing I can say is it feels AMAZING to be home after!!)

@BeeDavis definitely gloating.

OP been there, done that. essentially holidaying with toddlers is parenting made harder because you are in a new environment.

Tried it again at 5 and my dd was amazing, (just a shame I also had a 2.5 ds lmao!) lot of it was spent dad playing with ds while I enjoyed with dd.

Hold out a few years

I think you're lucky to have a calm enough toddler who behaves 'well' and you haven't had issues like this. Genuine question.. what discipline do you?

OP, I haven't taken my 2 year old on holiday because he would be exactly the same as what you have described. He's too young to accept sitting still and calmly in restaurants or being aware of all the hazards that are everywhere. I can imagine for us a holiday would be more stressful than enjoyable so we're waiting until he's older, and hopefully calmer!

This is totally normal two year old behaviour. We survived those days by talking LOs for a walk while we waited for food (one of us would walk with kids while the other waited at table). Normally just round the restaurant if it's not too busy or up and down the street in front. I also always took a pack of things to entertain - books, crayons, colouring in, a little puzzle - but often little kids do need to get up and have an explore too. Some people use an iPad to keep their kids entertained while they sit at the table, but personally I think that creates bad habits and an expectation that having a screen is normal at the table.

It's normal.. Unfortunately you can't predict the temperament of a child and no amount of "discipline" will change that (also cruel if they are undiagnosed adhd, autistic etc).
I'd actually say it's less common for children this young to be calm.. They are supposed to be on the go it's how they are learning and exploring their environment.
You made the mistake of taking them on an adults holiday and expecting them to behave like an adult.. Much better to hire an apartment or similar relaxed accommodation where you can prepare your own meals in peace and not worry about disturbing others. Also look for places that are child friendly there's usually a play area or just expectation of kids acting up.

Go to the beach as much as possible , much safer than the pool. My 15 month old just spends her time running in and out of the sea, sand is soft and easier to run on and not slippery and she loves digging. We also bring a little paddling pool and pop than under the umbrella . When it’s nap time she sleeps in the buggy under the umbrella. There are other kids for her to watch and she loves it sea breeze make it more bearable at its up to 38degrees here. Generally best to avoid the hottest hours , we’re loving 5-8 pm beach (bring food)!

Can you invite yourself for some meals at the villa?

You don't holiday with toddlers. You just parent in more difficult situations.

I feel for you doing it on your own! It’s not something I would do on my own 😂

I went with DP & DS 19 months in may. We tried to have a routine ish every day but put our home routine out the window. Usually at home he sleeps once but on holiday he slept twice! We would wake up, have breakfast and go do something eg beach or walk somewhere or get the bus somewhere. He would have a sleep about 11 for a hour. We would come back have lunch. Then have some time playing in the pool and having a wander round. About 4/5pm he would have another 1 hour sleep. Do you have a snooze shade? That definitely helped! I would walk him round till he fell asleep! We would then go back to the room and all shower and get ready. And he would usually be up till around 9/10. A few days he slept in till 8/9 as he was knackered but we just went with him, if he wanted to sleep we let him! I took some pool shoes you could probably buy them there, that’s what he wore at the beach too and whenever he was wandering round the pool. The thing that saved our sanity though was the Amazon tablet. I am usually against screens when we are eating but it just allowed us to eat in peace and sometimes get ready in the morning. We would contain him in his cot whilst getting ready and he would watch it. Since we got back we haven’t used it once and within a few days he was back to his regular routine although not straight away! We had such a nice time we are going again in 3 weeks 😂

Obviously they are all different and mine is a little younger but just do what you can to
enjoy yourself. Strap him in wherever you can in his pram, high chair, do you have reins? Again not something I would use but if I was alone on holiday I would! Would someone staying in the villa come chill at your hotel with you for a few hours? Could you go there? Hope you enjoy the rest of the holiday as best as you can!

It sounds like you're going through a tough time trying to manage your son's behavior while on vacation. Toddlers can definitely be more challenging in unfamiliar settings, especially with all the changes in routine and environment. Here are a few tips to help make the holiday a bit easier:

1. Stick to Routine Where Possible: Even though you're in a new place, try to maintain some elements of your usual routine. Consistent mealtimes and sleep schedules can help provide a sense of stability.
2. Create Safe Spaces: In places like the hotel or restaurants, set up small, safe zones where he can play without too many hazards. Bringing a few familiar toys or items might help.
3. Engage in Fun Activities: Make the most of the swimming pools and beaches. Set up mini-games or activities that can keep him engaged and less likely to run off or get too close to hazards.
4. Use Positive Reinforcement: Reward him for positive behavior. Praise him when he sits still or follows instructions, even if it’s for a short time.
5. Set Realistic Expectations: Remember that toddlers are naturally curious and have a lot of energy. It’s normal for them to be restless and explore, especially in a new environment.
6. Communicate with Family: Let your family know how they can support you, especially regarding supervision and understanding your concerns about safety.
7. Take Breaks: If things feel overwhelming, take short breaks to relax and regroup. Even a few minutes can help.

You’re doing your best, and it’s okay to feel stressed. Every parent deals with similar challenges, especially in new or stressful situations. Adjusting your expectations and focusing on small victories can help you navigate this period more smoothly.

Do they have a kids club at the hotel so you could get a couple of hours peace? Is there a children’s play area and some activities for very young children?

Eating out with two year olds in a mostly a nightmare tbh. Could you eat in the Villa for one night and chill out? Could a couple of family members watch DS in the Villa another evening so you could have a peaceful relaxing meal out? Another evening- could you order room service for you both in your hotel after a busy day?

This is giving me flashbacks to the hellish holiday we had with DD when she almost 3. She threw a fit going into the restaurant for breakfast every morning, didn't eat a thing for two days and after that only would eat Macdonald's or pizza. We were visiting family but staying at a hotel in the city. I can't even describe the look of relief on her face when we got home and she woke up in her own bed and she ate everything in sight at home!!

I told DH I was never going on holiday again with her until she turned 18 🤣

But she has got better with age - we've done short trips in the UK since and she is far more chilled about a change of scenery, staying at hotels, having breakfast in a hotel restaurant etc.

Eating out is always a nightmare with toddlers - bring more toys and colouring than you ever think you need to keep it interesting. DD is now 5 and still needs some entertainment in restaurants but we now can just bring colouring/stickers and have quiet games of snap!

Oh OP I totally feel you, my very high energy toddler was like this and still has ants in his pants as a 4 year old. (We also sit at a table for every meal at home to the parent who was suggesting you hadn't set an expectation)

Agree with the snacky meals, what I used to do with mine was after lunch buy him an icecream and go for a walk with the pushchair he pretty much scoffed the icecream then went into a food coma, and then I would put the pushchair into a horizontal position, put a muslin soaked in cold water draped over the top of the pram sunshade (obvs not completely covering him) park him in the shade (next to me) and have a lovely long tapas lunch with sangria. Used to get a good couple of hours of adult holiday time out of that.

Having said that the rest of the day was just building sand castles on the beach, throwing pebbles into the sea (he could throw rocks into the water for HOURS) swimming in the pool and let him melt all the hearts dancing to music if there's evening entertainment at your hotel.

It is tiring but you will find your rhythm I'm sure, especially if there's other family members there to give you a bit of respite.

Also do not feel ashamed if you have to get Peppa Pig out on your phone to give yourself half an hour. Xx

Interested to know what you and he are doing in and around the pool as I find it odd the pool is only keeping his interest for 15-20 mins? I have suggestions, but need more info. Get him a pair of the grippy swim socks - and stop worrying. He will fall, he will be okay. Appreciate it takes awhile with the first born to 'let go'. Does he have a floatation vest?

Always take toys and books/sticker books to meal times if sat down. Make meals quick and any misbehaviour or craziness then you give one warning, after that you leave. It's boring, but it doesn't take long for them to figure out what's expected. Also be genuine! It's not 'unsafe' to throw forks on the floor - it's rude and disruptive, you can say that! It doesn't matter if he doesn't understand completely, he will know/sense that you mean what you say. Being authentic is a really important part of effective 'discipline'. You can be firm, stern even, while remaining calm.

Eat lunch by the pool, or outside, free range whenever possible. Lots of snacking as proper meals are sometimes a no go in the heat.

We travel A LOT and even we have accepted that we must stick to our bedtime routine, otherwise everyone is too grumpy!

Make a lunch box full of fresh food snacks and always have a drink bottle with you.
It is unfair to expect your child to wait in a public restaurant for every meal and unfair to other guests to have him running about.. If you pre-order quick meals like eggs, chips, fruit salad, cheese etc and have him wait a small time but also give him healthy snacks from his lunch box perhaps that might work better.
Can you join your family sometimes for a simple meal at the villa? Toasted sandwich?

I had one child who sat happily for meals aged 2. Another who could only really happily manage it from about 4 and even at 6 found it much harder to sit still. By all means take him out for food at home as well but aged 2 we only managed eating out once n holiday by one parent walking round with child until the food arrived and the other walking round (outside the restaurant) after he’d finished while the other parent finished eating. I doubt you’re doing anything wrong

I also wish someone had warned me that holidays with small children are mostly awful til they’re about 4….

It's the hardest age to take them somewhere like that, they want to be on the move but its very hard to explain the rules. I also find their worse behaved when they're tired. In a year it will be easier x

Sounds completely normal. I don't think it's realistic to expect a two year old to sit there waiting for food to arrive - they're not adults! Their brains work differently and they experience time and waiting in a different way to adults as their brains are still developing. Send your husband to roam about with him until the food turns up, and in general I would give two year olds a bit more leeway and not expext them to behave like adults

I'm sure you probably do but does he have things to keep him occupied when you are sitting at the table? I think I am quite lucky with my 2.5 year old as he does sit with us and is quite happy to wait - but he does have his favourite toys with him - his sharks or his dinosaurs. Things like books, puzzles to keep him occupied? I understand that not all are the same with attention spans and perhaps you've tried these😪 my boy is sort of the opposite so it is hard in other ways - he'd rather be cuddled than run around - it's exhausting as he won't walk most the time - it's in our arms or in the buggy (which i want to stop as he needs to be walking more!). He's a small 2.5 year old but it's still very tiring to carry him!
I think 2 year olds are just difficult in their different ways😅