On holiday with 2 year old it’s a nightmare

[2001baby]

Hi, I’ve taken my nearly 2.5 year old away for 2 weeks. It’s currently day 5 and I wanna go home.

We’re staying in a hotel, just the two of us. My family have rented a villa 10 mins walk from where we are but it’s just us in the hotel. When we go down for breakfast, he won’t sit down and eat. He wants to get up and run around. Then when I do bring him back to the table he starts throwing his food on the floor. I’m so embarrassed because he’s the only young child there and I feel like all eyes are on us. I feel anxious constantly that he’s gonna smash something.

And since we’re in a hotel that means all meals we have to eat out. It’s the same thing there, he can’t sit still and wait for a meal. I do understand this tbh because at home he only comes to the table once dinner is ready, but it’s so difficult to look after him in these situations because there are so many hazards like flights of stairs for him to run down, glasses and ornaments on display, mirrors etc. All my family are often drinking during dinner so as much as they are happy to follow him round the restaurant I can’t relax with them doing so because I’m anxious that they won’t be as cautious because of the alcohol.

We’re in a very hot country where there are no parks nearby, just swimming pools and beaches. Everytime he gets out the pool I’m nervous he’s gonna slip and hurt himself, or he will come really close to the pool and I’m scared he’s gonna jump in and drown.

He’s my first child, and has had a couple of bad accidents in the past when under other people’s care so I think that’s why I am so anxious about accidents. And here there seems to be so many more potential hazards than at home. I really thought we would have an amazing time, don’t get me wrong we have had some amazing times here, but majority of the time I feel on edge because I don’t know what he’s gonna do next. The only place I feel safe with him is in our hotel room.

I’m not sure if this is normal toddler behaviour, last year he was not like this at all. Or have I failed him massively with my parenting? I wouldn’t say I’m strict at all, I do set clear boundaries but I also understand that developmentally he’s still just a baby exploring the world. My parents think I don’t discipline him enough and that none of us were like that as kids, but they also spanked and shouted a lot so I think we probably ‘acted good’ out of fear 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’m scared I’ve gone too far the other way, and have created a monster!

He is a really sweet, loving boy with a great sense of humour and great language and communication skills. He is just extremely defiant, he doesn’t listen to me and will look me right in my eyes and laugh after doing something I’ve just told him not to.

Any tips for making this holiday less stressful? Or do I just need to accept this is how it is travelling abroad with a 2 year old?

I think it's unrealistic to manage a 2yo unused to restaurants on your own during long meals out without screens and headphones sorry. You need to eat in peace at some point, otherwise you're going to end up frazzled.

Ideally everyone would take turns amusing him and walking him up and down in a safe place so that you could eat in peace and have a bit of a break, but if that's not going to happen safely, I'd feel no guilt in sticking on a few cartoons to have some peace for a bit.

@Thelondonone sorry didn’t mention about removing the fork, I do do that. But I wouldn’t remove him from a meal if he is eating, as I don’t want him to associate bad behaviour with no food.
I do appreciate your advice about taking him out to eat more at home, I think I will do that. I avoid it because it’s not pleasant at all, but fully appreciate it will continue to be that way until he gets more accustomed to it!

My LO’s did sit for meals, because that was always the expectation at home.

I holidayed with two under 4.

Work to your DC, include a sleep in the afternoon.

Try and build a routine ( different to that at home a routine for here and now) this includes fully creamed up with suntan lotion before getting dressed.

Make sure he drinks plenty. I would freeze a water bottle each evening so that they could sip cold water.

Buy a cheap paddling pool. Put it in the shade with a little water and let your DS play. Empty bottles, spoons. Play with him first then slowly let him build his focus.

Buy a cheap paintbrush/make up brush ( something chunky). Fill a small bucket with water and show him how to ‘paint’ -outdoor walls, floor. Again build his independent focus.

Buy a bottle of bubbles and blow them in the park, to chase. Same with a balloon or small ball.

And the beach…build with him, dig with him and let him take over.

Keep everything really simple.

Going to hot places is a bad idea with young children. It’s stressful for them.

Or you can travel often with them so that they learn how to behave on planes / trains / in hotels and restaurants. We chose that option instead because I wasn’t willing to just never travel!

“When you say with a bit of discipline he won’t be like that, what do you mean? For instance if he throws his fork on the floor what would you do in this situation as discipline?”

It’s too late then. The fork has clattered to the floor and you’ve disturbed all the diners who were hoping to have a relaxing breakfast. Why has he even got a fork to throw?

You need to anticipate everything - and I mean everything - and you set expectations.

“Ok we are going to breakfast and it’s important you sit nicely.” You hold his hand tightly and he sits. You move everything out of the way that he’s likely to throw.

(Distraction/smiles etc) ”Now what might be yummy for your tummy? Yoghurt? A pastry?” And move to wriggle away or get out the seat is meant with hard stare and stern “No… we are sitting nicely.”

“oh look, that looks scrummy - made just for you. Now, we are going to be a good boy and eat it nicely.” Any thrown food is a stern look or ignore. Praise him for anything else “you are being a good boy sitting with mummy.”

Try and play little games “Ben, how many different fruits can you see?”

You are narrating the whole thing and setting expectations of ‘sitting nicely’ ‘eating nicely’ - praising the good all the time and a stern no when they are not. You hold his hand tightly to avoid him running off.

You can’t just be passive about his actions and behaviour - this might be ‘normal’ behaviour for a 2 year old but it doesn’t mean you don’t parent and teach/model how to sit and eat and be mindful of others. It’s never too young to teach that.

Yep, it won't be any comfort to you but this is normal and precisely why I avoided holidays like this with toddlers! I've only just psyched myself up to do it this year now that the DC are 7 and 5 and it hopefully won't be completely miserable....

Watching a screen was the only way we got ours to sit for a meal at that age.

Plus toys, sticker books and anything similar. I still take a bag of bits of for my 7 year old!

Other good advice someone take mentioned was to take a snack to keep him occupied while waiting for food.

Other than that, is there some outside space near the restaurant. You could take him out after ordering and ask a staff member to come and grab you when your food is brought out.

It's tough. I remember it well!

@2001baby have you got Aqua shoes for him? They are usually pretty grippy for being in and out of the pool.

@2001baby we also take a back pack and have different toys in it each night - one night it might be mini animals, the next it might be pretend ice cream stuff, the next mini peppa pig stuff. Keep it different and keep it interesting. Like mini tea top and cups - then others can interact with him too but he's at the table?

Awful for you when it all feels so negative.

Only either provide him with things he can already do ( so he succeeds) or things that he is developmentally able to do and help him learn.

If he is presented with all of these new things that he isn't able to do and isn't helped with it, becomes an exhausting negative cycle.

So the fork example.
Can he already use a fork, is it likely he could if you show him. Lots of praise when he does.
Quiet removal if he throws it with a simple ‘no’ .
If he can't use a fork, don't expect him to and provide simple finger food until he is ready for you to teach him. Then when he can and does use it successfully, lots of praise.

He is likely overwhelmed with too many new things and too much change. When helping develop good behaviour it works as above. The key thing is picking your battles. What is it you most want him to do ( what makes life easier) if it is using a fork, go for it but at the same time if your child is not unsafe, try and ignore/play down the other behaviours. This keeps you out of a negative cycle.

@BeeDavis oh please tell us how you "discipline" a 2.5 year old!?

It's different personalities. My 3 DC have all been very different toddlers - DD1 was a dream - so few tantrums, sat still when out, mostly listened, DD2 was and still is feral, and DD3 just had to go along with the chaos. All brought up exactly the same apart from I'd probably say I had given up with any idea of "perfect parenting" by the time DD3 came along. They're all lovely humans now.

He's young, exploring and sitting in a restaurant and doing grown up stuff is boring to him and he isn't afraid to let you know! It'll get better when he gets to about 3.5/4. Don't worry.

My first was exactly the same at that age and that's the reason why we didn't bother going on holiday again until the youngest was 5! Just do what you have to do to get through the next week: tablet time, ice creams, let him eat with just his fingers if he's throwing forks around. Get back on track when you're home, but for now just give yourself a break.

He'll become easier to manage when eating out by virtue of getting older. I really don't see the point in spending unnecessary money to torture yourself.

I have two kids. One - primary-age - is just reaching the point when I can take them out to a nice restaurant and have a pleasant meal. The toddler years were a shitshow. The other has always been a dream - we used to go out frequently during my mat leave and even as a 9 month baby, DC2 would sit primly without fidgeting, try any food they were given nicely and just enjoy looking round and the atmosphere. This has continued into the toddler years.

I know which child I'd take out to a nice restaurant with me and it's not the older one, even though they've improved a lot 😂. Despite a 4 year age gap, their social skills are remarkably similar.

Just remember everyone's child is different. If a 2 year old's needs aren't met, they will react. A 2 year old doesn't have the social awareness or emotional regulation to sit quietly if they are bored or frustrated UNLESS that is their usual character. Don't worry about your parenting, focus on what works for him.

I have had two 2 year olds in my time - one fidgeted all the time, the other sat quietly and would occupy themselves readily. The difference wasn't down to parenting.

It sounds like you're having a tough time, and that's completely understandable. Traveling with a toddler can be really challenging, especially when you're in an unfamiliar environment. Toddlers are naturally curious and energetic, and their behavior can vary a lot from day to day. You're definitely not a failure; parenting is incredibly tough and there's no one-size-fits-all approach. Maybe try to set small, manageable goals for each day and give yourself permission to take breaks when needed. You're doing your best, and that's what matters most.

Such an unhelpful post. A toddler is a nightmare combination of feeling strong emotions but unable to fully communicate. My first child was a complete dream, but my second (same parental measures) is well a total challenge. You can't reason with him because he just doesn't get it. I think what other posters have said, follow his lead, stick your his routine as much as you can, have lunch from a supermarket on the grass somewhere. Don't stay out too late.

My son was a similar age and similar temperament when we last went away. He refused to get in the pool, would run away from me constantly- until we followed his routine, went for tea earlier, missed most entertainment, decided not to go in excursions. Life was a little easier!

I wouldn’t worry a too much about behaviour in restaurants. Especially on the continent. I took my 2yo to some fine dining restaurants (my hosts choice not mine) and the staff were accommodating. He didn’t run around to be fair but good luck strapping him into a highchair. If he throws a fork you take it away… Snacks snacks snacks, do not rely on the hotel/restaurant to feed him quickly enough. If he only eats bread the entire time, that’s fine. Agree with water shoes but probably a bit late now. What do you do to entertain him at home? Just do the same on holiday. The park, exploring, colouring, ball whatever. “Oh look, a leaf” is a top game.

It’s normal OP, I promise. After trying to do a few “normal” holidays when DC1 was younger we decided to draw a line under it and do exclusively self catering holidays once DC2 came along. DC2 is close to your DC’s age and there’s no way in hell they would sit and eat in a restaurant. It’s far too much trouble. You are not a bad person but being sick to the back teeth of their behaviour.

In the future I’d massively recommend a UK break at somewhere like Center Parcs, a caravan holiday, or a holiday park in general where there are facilities onsite and no expectation from patrons that children won’t be on the scene.

In the short term I’d massively reduce any pressure on yourself to make this work. Bring some food up to the room for breakfast, buy him some cheap toys for a local shop and let him play either inside or by the pool. Get takeout in the evening when he’s asleep and share a bottle of wine.

No, you just got lucky with a biddable child!

OP,this is all normal and it's hard when away from home.

Totally normal - and just to reassure you, it'll be better next year! My 3.5 year old spent HOURS in the pool on holiday this year (after totally hating it and refusing it at 18 months on our honeymoon - that was fun) and now sits beautifully for meals out with colouring or just a bit of adult attention. Our 18 month old is absolutely nuts and such hard work but I know we've just got 2 more years to go before it gets better haha!

Thanks for all the suggestions and for sharing your experiences, makes me feel less alone so much appreciated!
I’ve only seen a handful of toddlers in the whole area since we’ve been here, and am beginning to understand why 🙈

I would say adapt a bit more to him. Strap
him in a highchair and give him a snack or your phone to watch while he waits. See if you can source some stickers as these are good entertainment.
The pool unfortunately is what it is but some pool
shoes and a good float should help. Also get some pool toys for him.
Can you see if there are any attractions nearby? An aquarium or somewhere with air con?

We take our toddlers (2 year old twins and have 5 year old too) out to eat in restaurants a lot and it is stressful but a few things that I find help

• Order straight away (at least their food) to shorten the wait to get their food.
• Take some table toys. We find colouring, stickers, duplo, cards and threading toys work well
• If they become restless waiting then take them for a walk around outside to look at flowers etc. If you are with family, could you take it in turns to do the walk around
• Once food is there its normal pretty good until they finish their food first. So have a few snacks (fruit) to keep them going till everyone has finished.
• We often will only do 1 course meals depending on how everything is going. May sometimes manage to stay for dessert. But I'd say 90 min meal is the absolute limit.

Only other suggestion which works well. Is to feed toddler separately (food from the shop picnic style). Then get them to nap in the pushchair whilst you eat. This is the dream meal when it works!

OP is there any wee shops nearby with like plastic tea sets/ bucket and spade etc? Best way I entertain wee ones is getting a small paddling pool and putting a couple of sun loungers around it and add all the toys and they are content pouring water into the tea set and all. Could you find a shop and get bits like that for either the villa or hotel it honestly makes my holidays so
much better. At dinner I don’t know could you bribe with ice cream/ sweets at shop after dinner x