On holiday with 2 year old it’s a nightmare

[2001baby]

Hi, I’ve taken my nearly 2.5 year old away for 2 weeks. It’s currently day 5 and I wanna go home.

We’re staying in a hotel, just the two of us. My family have rented a villa 10 mins walk from where we are but it’s just us in the hotel. When we go down for breakfast, he won’t sit down and eat. He wants to get up and run around. Then when I do bring him back to the table he starts throwing his food on the floor. I’m so embarrassed because he’s the only young child there and I feel like all eyes are on us. I feel anxious constantly that he’s gonna smash something.

And since we’re in a hotel that means all meals we have to eat out. It’s the same thing there, he can’t sit still and wait for a meal. I do understand this tbh because at home he only comes to the table once dinner is ready, but it’s so difficult to look after him in these situations because there are so many hazards like flights of stairs for him to run down, glasses and ornaments on display, mirrors etc. All my family are often drinking during dinner so as much as they are happy to follow him round the restaurant I can’t relax with them doing so because I’m anxious that they won’t be as cautious because of the alcohol.

We’re in a very hot country where there are no parks nearby, just swimming pools and beaches. Everytime he gets out the pool I’m nervous he’s gonna slip and hurt himself, or he will come really close to the pool and I’m scared he’s gonna jump in and drown.

He’s my first child, and has had a couple of bad accidents in the past when under other people’s care so I think that’s why I am so anxious about accidents. And here there seems to be so many more potential hazards than at home. I really thought we would have an amazing time, don’t get me wrong we have had some amazing times here, but majority of the time I feel on edge because I don’t know what he’s gonna do next. The only place I feel safe with him is in our hotel room.

I’m not sure if this is normal toddler behaviour, last year he was not like this at all. Or have I failed him massively with my parenting? I wouldn’t say I’m strict at all, I do set clear boundaries but I also understand that developmentally he’s still just a baby exploring the world. My parents think I don’t discipline him enough and that none of us were like that as kids, but they also spanked and shouted a lot so I think we probably ‘acted good’ out of fear 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’m scared I’ve gone too far the other way, and have created a monster!

He is a really sweet, loving boy with a great sense of humour and great language and communication skills. He is just extremely defiant, he doesn’t listen to me and will look me right in my eyes and laugh after doing something I’ve just told him not to.

Any tips for making this holiday less stressful? Or do I just need to accept this is how it is travelling abroad with a 2 year old?

I was in the same position a few weeks ago. My long awaited ‘holiday’ turned out to be less of a holiday than I hope for. My son is a fairly well behaved two year old but our holiday proved very tiring and stressful. Felt so wrecked when I got home, it was like a hangover. Stay strong, try and keep him distracted and try your best to keep your sanity. Two year olds are easily disturbed by change in routine and location. Fingers crossed next year will be better! Ignore the smug, disciplining gloaters, their time will come - likely the teenage years 😎

Buy snacks from shop for him to eat in restaurant, or ask them if you can order ahead or take food to your room. Can you buy some cheap toys so he has something only used at meal times?

Your family sound a bit hopeless, I'd give up on the evenings out if it's too much - stay in with nice snacks, a good book, him on your phone if necessary.

We recently went away with our 23 month old and had a lovely time so I don't agree with people saying don't bother to holiday with under 4s. I do think we're lucky in that we have an easy going child however we planned a holiday that would be suitable for him and adapted what we did around that - not the other way round. All mealtimes were under an hour so we never ate a 3 course meal, in the mornings we all went to the pool and went swimming together for around half an hour then we got out and went for walks with the pushchair until it was nap time. Nap time we used to rest ourselves on our balcony/read a book etc. Afternoons we went for an ice cream, walks again, playground, play with his toys in the room. Can you adapt what you're trying to do to be more suitable to his needs? You'll be stressed out if he keeps playing up whereas you might find you start to enjoy yourself if he's happy even if you're not doing what you expected.

I'm still scarred from taking a 3yo to Italy (he's nearly 16 now!). Holidaying with toddlers is hard work. Lower your expectations mightily and do whatever's needed for both you and him to have some fun xx

Holidays with children are just awful. We've stopped doing anything more ambitious than five days away in the UK self catering with lots of space for just chilling. It's just parenting somewhere else but without all the things that make it easier - eg their own toys.
I'm told it gets easier but mine are only 7 and 3 and we're not there yet.

Also this. I've decided we're not going to bother spending on going abroad until the kids are 10 and 7 youngest

Went away with DS1 when he was just 2. Family friendly AI in Europe in May.

We outnumbered him, 2 adults to 1.

It was still extremely hard work. Lots of bursts of loveliness, but really hard work. We haven’t been abroad since and he’s now 4 😬

Depends on the child. Mine are like chalk and cheese. Parented in exactly the same way. That meme about a second child being like "hi I'm Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackass" rang very true for me 😂

@berksandbeyond well most people simply don't have the money for that, so....

If it helps at all - try sticking to the same routine as you have at home, ie naps at the same time and meals at the same time. It might be worth taking some books, colouring and other table toys to the restaurant. Stickers are a big hit usually. Ignore everyone else. That said rather than judging they are probably just feeling your pain and remembering back to when their kids were little. Picnic meals from the super market work well too.
Good luck!

Totally normal

Keep it low key, and make it work for you

So early breakfast, pool in the cool morning, nap time, late afternoon swim, bed at 7pm for baby.

Wine on balcony for you.

I’ve tried to make him fit in with everyone else’s needs

^

Wrong way round.

Fit in with his/your needs only.

One thing I've noticed is that people will not sacrifice having a good time to look after someone else's child. No one.

If you can get to a shop, buy:

A magnifying glass
A torch
Bucket and spade
Paper and crayons

At that age changes in routine can be very unsettling - they really don't understand why it is hot, the good is different etc. It's also very stimulating, which can mess with sleep and cause more erratic behaviour than usual.

Try to keep things similar to home where possible and make sure the day has down time for both of you.

It's a tough age for travelling and eating out a lot. What does he like? My eldest loved sticker books so we had those for restaurants, my middle two prefer dot-to-dot books.

Holiday is probably not the best place to push for behaviour changes. If he won't sit still, ask for a high chair. The odd fork in the floor is not the end of the world. while I agree it's a parent's job to teach and enforce table manners, one of my 4 is still shocking at 3.5. Some kids do take longer to get it than others. Don't let "perfect" parents get you down. As long as you are demonstrating good manners, helping them where neededand reminding them often, they'll get there. It's early days.

It’s not really a holiday with toddlers - it’s parenting in a different location with poorer facilities! We started to have a proper good time when they were four and older.

You need to work around his routine.