12 year old child permanently sleeping in tent

[Talulabell55]

My partners ex is allowing her 12 year old son to permanently sleep in a tent in the garden, even when weather is bad and had amber weather warning. When my partner asked why, she shouted 'it's his choice!'.
My partner feels a bit helpless about the whole situation. He called social services as didn't know what else to do. (His ex is very unco-operative). He was advised that all they could do was contact the child's mother and tell her he is concerned. Does anyone know if there is any other action he can take? We are concerned as he looks pale and tired.

I’d be going to court for custody.

What does the child say about it? Would they prefer to stay with your partner?

Why does he want to do that? I would want to know more about the tent, sleeping bag, security of garden etc before giving an opinion on whether it's OK or not. Where do the sleep when with you and do they sleep long hours?

Have you spoken to the 12 year old ? Is it possible that he wants to sleep in the garden and mum really can’t make him sleep indoors ?
If he’s pale and tired is it possible that he has access to his phone and other internet capable devices at night ?

I don’t see where the abuse is if it’s genuinely his choice? Surely he wouldn’t do it if he didn’t want to? Are there any other concerns? Why does he say he’s doing it?

What's the problem ? It sounds fun for him

There was a little boy who was in the papers for years after spending 3 years sleeping in a tent for charity. He’s raised about a million pounds now. There wasn’t any safeguarding issues when he was being celebrated in the media

Has he spoken to his DS about what's going on and why he's sleeping in a tent? That would be the first thing I did.What's behind the choice and can he get that need met in a safer way. If I felt my ex behaviour was harmful or negligent to my child I'd go to court to change the child arrangement orders so they were with me more. I don't know if this is something you could use a specific issue order here.

Your child’s upbringing
A ‘specific issue order’ is used to look at a specific question about how the child is being brought up, for example:

• what school they go to
• if they should have a religious education

You can also apply for a ‘prohibited steps order’ to stop the other parent from making a decision about the child’s upbringing. https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/types-of-court-order#:~:text=A%20'specific%20issue%20order'%20is,should%20have%20a%20religious%20education

it surprises me that SS did absolutely nothing! you would have expected a quick check rather than downright dismiss it?

at the end of the day, if he choses to sleep in a tent, and thats what he wants to do, and he's provided for, then i guess there is no issue as long as he is not being made to sleep in the tent?

i used to date a guy who's only boy child slept in the loft... it wasn't converted, and it had step ladders to get too it, but it meant he had a space to himself away from his 3 sisters in what was a very small house.

And how would you do that exactly? He’s not being abused or neglected in any way. Social services don’t want to know as it’s not an issue. At 12 it’s up to the boy who he lives with. So how would you go about ‘going to court to change the orders so you could have him more’?

🙄 I said IF I felt the behaviour was harmful or negligent I would so that, not that it was.

Meh, its his choice. I am sure he can come in if he wants.

One of my has decided he is sleeping on the floor, under the bed even though he has perfectly good bed.

he said he prefers it under there - its really not something i could be bothered dying on a hill about

It may be fun but it's not right! Sleeping in a tent in the garden in all weather's and when he has school the following day! Apart from the fact it's not very safe. There was a young girl sleeping in a tent on the news who was abducted, raped and murdered!

In her own garden?

Yes, in her own garden

I'm sure the son won't be living in a tent long.

Me and my siblings had a phase of this. It lasted a few weeks. We loved it

We got a tent for my son when he was a similar age for his 12th birthday in February. He stayed out there for a couple of weeks, had a great time camping in the garden only coming in to use the bathroom, didn't seem to mind the cold, rain, wind etc. he came back to his bedroom eventually. As long as he has access to the house I don't see the issue.

My son once spent the whole school holidays sleeping in a tent in the garden. He was a bit younger than 12. Unless you think there are underlying problems which mean that they don't feel comfortable in the house (rather than actively liking the idea of camping) or if there are knock on effects on behaviour, health etc then I really wouldn't worry. And just because somebody was killed doing an activity once, it doesn't mean nobody in the world should do it ever again.

Is there a reason why he'd rather sleep in a tent rather than in the house? For me that would raise safeguarding concerns

My cousin chose to sleep in a tent for many months at about that age.

He now travels the world working in wildlife conservation and sleeping in tents.

There was an 11 tear old boy called max that spent a couple of years sleeping in a tent... He was hailed as a hero and was awarded a pride of Britain award and BEM in the new years honours. I very much doubt SS will be rushing out to visit..

Your son spent whole of school holidays but this boy is sleeping in a tent in all weather's during term time. Would you have allowed your boy to do it during term time? I'm not saying you shouldn't do something just because someone was killed, just reiterating the fact it's not safe for a young boy to be permanently sleeping in a tent and irresponsible parenting to allow it

Why isn’t it right though? Because it’s cold? As long as the 12yo can come inside if it gets too cold, that’s not an issue. It’s summer now, with a decent sleeping mat and sleeping bag it should be fine. Because it’s dangerous? It doesn’t sound especially dangerous. I’d be grateful if you could post a link to the story you mentioned, because I’ve never seen it.

For me, I’d just be checking that he’s not being shut out of the house, or trying to stay outside because inside is not safe. But if he just genuinely thinks it’s fun, then crack on.

Another one who can't see the problem if the boy is happy and is doing as well as expected at school. Why doesn't the OP's partner ask his son about it, rather than going in all guns blazing?