12 year old child permanently sleeping in tent

[Talulabell55]

My partners ex is allowing her 12 year old son to permanently sleep in a tent in the garden, even when weather is bad and had amber weather warning. When my partner asked why, she shouted 'it's his choice!'.
My partner feels a bit helpless about the whole situation. He called social services as didn't know what else to do. (His ex is very unco-operative). He was advised that all they could do was contact the child's mother and tell her he is concerned. Does anyone know if there is any other action he can take? We are concerned as he looks pale and tired.

It’s incumbent on the child’s father to file for custody if he is concerned about neglect.

Is there something going on INSIDE the house which makes him prefer to sleep in a tent?
Have you / your DP spoken to him about it?

I'd be making a court application, with proof, pronto

Is this your partner's son? If so, has your partner spoken to his DS about sleeping in the garden?

This. If he is loved and safe and cared for, that is what matters. There's nothing inherently wrong with sleeping in a tent. I do it frequently on scout camps.

My son did this last year - I think he slept out there 3 months in the end. He has a decent tent and sleeping bag and liked sleeping out there. He could come in if he wanted to. I think he got bored in the end and decided he preferred his bed. I’m fully expecting him to do it again though as he asked me get the tent down from the loft at the weekend.

I slept in a tent in the back garden for months and months, probably at about the same age.

My parents agreed to it as an experiment to see if it helped my asthma (no carpet or soft furnishings). It didn’t, but I loved sleeping out there so much I stayed.

I loved the sound of the wind and rain and being on my own. I suspect the famous five/malory towers/Nancy Drew books were an influence.

I eventually gave it up as I couldn’t be arsed taking it down and moving it every week so I wouldn’t kill the grass.

Sound of rain on canvas is still my favourite sleep sound if I’m struggling to sleep.

Is it though? As long as the garden is secure and they 100% wanted to be in a tent rather than being to scared to be in the house what's the issue? I would have to have some sort of security (our dogs would do) but see no issue with a tent. I sleep much better in a tent as long as I wrap up enough. My kids go camping in all weathers including minus 5 in the snow. My idea of hell but they love it.

My dc often do this. They have a good tent, it's comfy, and cosy, they enjoy it, and its their choice.

My exes partner would probably be on here making up shit about them being neglected and tired (while ex does nothing about the 'neglect') as well.

I know from my adult dc that they have great memories and absolutely loved doing this as kids.

It seems that most people are happy with that set up when it's about ‘charity’
As in no safety concerns, no issue with being abducted or ‘not being right’

https://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/64813572

Please answer the question about why he wants to sleep out in the tent?

Is there a reason he doesn’t want to be in the house, ie has he found a way to safeguard himself from something?
Or is it that he wants to behave in a way that he wouldn’t get away with in the house, e.g. vaping, inappropriate internet use, meeting up with people online or in real life?

Or has he set himself a challenge and is simply enjoying being out there?

The looking pale and tired may be a separate issue. If it’s put down simply to sleeping out, a more significant cause could be being overlooked, or it might be due to a lack of sleep, or it might be nothing.

I thought about him reading this post.

I don't see the issue :/

Honestly if my 12 year old wanted to sleep in a tent in the garden I'd just let them?

The novelty will most probably wear off and he'll stop. I certainly wouldn't think they were unsafe and it's a battle I wouldn't be prepared to fight.

Why are you assuming he isn't sleeping well? Lots of people go camping and sleep ok. It's very nearly the summer holidays too so then maybe will be less of a concern?

I don’t see the problem as long as it’s his choice. A 12 year old boy is a different prospect to a 7 year old girl, I’d say. I’ve heard of worse sleeping arrangements.

I don't see the problem as long as he wants to.

I also spent many nights in a tent in the garden when I was that sort of age. I loved it. I had my own bedroom etc it was just an adventure.

He's 12, that's pretty much the perfect life when your 12, isn't it? Why would you object if he has access to a bedroom should he want one?

I had one who slept in a sleeping bag on the floor for 8 months - next to the very nice mattress and bed he had - one who set up a bed underneath her perfectly good bed and one who regarded changing the sheets are an act of parental cruelty.
A kid wanting to sleep in a tent isn't really that weird.

My brother did this about the same age. He slept in the garden in a tent for 18 months. Even in really shitty weather, he had a lovely bedroom in the house but it's what he wanted to do.

Off topic, but I wish I hadn’t opened the link about Sophie Hook. That poor, poor little girl.

It is odd, as parents it's our job to set appropriate boundaries. What does your 12yo say about it?

My children from a young age spent many summer holidays of the year sleeping outside!

As a child my sisters and brother would sometimes sleep in the stables!

Great fun.

It's interesting that the OP has answered the questions about why he wants to sleep in the tent.

There is a child of about that age in my area who did it for charity, and I think carried it on. He sometimes gets on the local news, with he's slept x nights in the garden Think it's over two years now.

@Babadook76 beat me too it!

find out why but, a warm sleeping bag, a bit of an air mattress or camp cot and total privacy...people pay money wait all year to go camping.

pallor wouldn't be from camping, tired well check and see if he is sleeping or on a device??
a 12 yr old is much less likely to be an abduction victim than a small child.
why not embrace the idea he may grow up to be a great outdoorsmen?
if your really concerned about him being pale how about a dr's appointment?

I wouldn't have a problem with this if my child wanted to do it. Our garden is secure and as long as they were warm and could sleep what is the problem? The fresh air might actually aid sleep- I sleep with the windows wide open year round because it is lovely.

The one off murder of a child in the 1980s while sad for her family is not a reason to prevent children from now doing something that is generally perfectly safe.

sounds like fun! I did the same at the same age. I had a nice warm bed inside but liked to pretend I was having an adventure.