12 year old child permanently sleeping in tent

[Talulabell55]

My partners ex is allowing her 12 year old son to permanently sleep in a tent in the garden, even when weather is bad and had amber weather warning. When my partner asked why, she shouted 'it's his choice!'.
My partner feels a bit helpless about the whole situation. He called social services as didn't know what else to do. (His ex is very unco-operative). He was advised that all they could do was contact the child's mother and tell her he is concerned. Does anyone know if there is any other action he can take? We are concerned as he looks pale and tired.

It seems odd that he's inclined to do it for such a long time. There must be something in the home that's bothering him? Does he have his own room? Is there too much noise, light in the house at night? Does anyone smoke or vape in the house? Is he scared of a dog if there is one?
I think you need to speak to him and find out why he won't sleep indoors.

Does the child have a bed available at all times inside the house? So there is no physical barrier or delay to the child deciding to move from the tent to indoors.

Is the child’s bed in a shared space that may come with problematic interpersonal dynamics?

is the child’s bed in a place that the child feels otherwise uncomfortable?

In other words, has the child moved to the tent because they are uncomfortable in the house?

if there are physical or mental barriers to the child moving inside at any time, then I think the parent should object strongly, even pursuing a change in primary residence. If this is simply a lark, then I would wait out the phase.

Surely he will get bored and come in.

I don't think it's necessarily irresponsible parenting, OP. It seems to be a phase many children go through. Your partner's child is old enough to come into the house if he gets cold or needs something. Presumably the tent is adequate for whatever the weather is and he has a warm sleeping bag etc? Have either of you spoken to the child to ask why he decided to sleep outside?

It sounds like the easiest thing to do would be to comvince the child to sleep inside. As a parent I would find it a weird choice as I live my bed and the garden is visited by wildlife like badgers but some people like camping 🤷‍♀️

Is he a fussy eater ? Lots of 12 year olds have unhealthy diets which might be contributing to him looking pale.

Presumably he has a bed and a bedroom in the house?

I wouldn't fight my son about this if he really wanted to.

I also wouldn't be worried about abduction. I'm more worried about sleepily falling down the stairs and breaking necks.

DS2 camped out in our garden for about 6 months at roughly the same age..had a perfectly good bed indoors, just liked pretending he was an adventurer.

Another vote for letting his son sleep in the tent if he wants to. I really don't see it as irresponsible parenting.

As long as the child has access to a warm safe home, then it is his choice to sleep outside.

I also don't agree that it is dangerous. The chance of him being abducted (or eaten by a fox!) is minuscule.

What is the arrangement with the garden? Is it well fenced with a gate? Private? I'm assuming he is within the boundary of the property?
Has the boy said WHY he wants to sleep in a tent?

Have you asked him why he wants to sleep in a tent and whether it's his choice?

One of my Guides just got a badge for sleeping in a tent for a whole year!

Why do you keep on ignoring the question where people have asked what the sons response is when your partner has asked him why he wants to sleep in the tent? It's a very important point because it could be for a reason that runs much deeper.

Also is this your partner's child??

I don’t see the issue, he may have a goal of joining the SAS one day in which case he might has well channel his inner Bear Grylls and sleep in a tent in a perfectly safe garden.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Sophie_Hook

Very unlikely to happen again but I get why OP and others would have it on their minds.

Why aren't you answering the 'why?'

Well he's either going to get bored of that (most likely) or he will still be sleeping in a tent when he's 30 (unlikely)

I just thought it was a boy phase, my ds slept for about 3 months in our very secure back garden. He only stopped because we made him move the tent every few days, so as not to damage the lawn! If your dp's child does not have a bedroom or safe place in the house however, then it's another issue, and definitely worth a custody bid.
As awful as it was, Sophie Hook was a 7yo girl, and it happened 30 years ago.

Quickest solution turn the WiFi off

Difficult to say. Have you seen inside the house? Asked how the 12 year old feels? It’s probably just the boy wanting to camp, but it could also be that it’s too chaotic inside or, god forbid, he’s being forced to and there is something more sinister going on. Social services have been alerted so they will have an opinion I’m sure.
I don’t think in itself it’s abusive though, sounds quite fun if you like that sort of thing!

Thanks. That’s tragic. But it happened thirty years ago. The fact that that’s the most recent incident shows that in the U.K. this is a vanishingly small danger.

Honestly I couldn’t get too worked up over this. I don’t think it’s unsafe.
I think if I was me I’d ask for the spec of the tent to understand what weather it can sustain and make sure he had different sleeping bags for different weather and then I’d leave him to crack on.

Well it depends on the reason why. If his own bedroom is full of flies and dog shit then that’s unacceptable, if he just fancies living in a tent for a bit then fine.

This.

If he’s having an adventure out there, great. However if he’s ‘choosing’ to do it rather than sleeping in a crowded house, sharing a room, kept awake by arguing- then not great.

I don’t see an issue as long as there is nothing stopping him getting back on the house and that the tent is a good quality tent (sounds like it is). Nothing wrong with camping in the rain as long as your equipment is good, in fact the sound of rain on a tent is lovely. We go camping at least 4 times a year and you can never guarantee the weather!

What does he say about it? Why does he want that? When did it start?

How many nights a week do you have him over?