Ds not invited to his best friend’s birthday.

[eaaudan]

My DS came home sobbing because he was not invited to his best friend’s birthday. I understand from what he said it was a small party of only 5 children. Took place at his BF’s home after school. He has been BF with the boy for about 3 years. Not aware of any issues between them or his BF’s parents. They both have regular playdates with each other. His BF told him an invite was sent to me, but I never received any and I do chat with his Bf’s mum, even did so days before the birthday. Obviously who his BF invites to his birthday is completely his choice. My question is how do I reassure DS. His sob today was so heartbreaking, I felt so sad for him knowing how much he has always liked his BF and always speaks so fondly of him. Parenting can be difficult especially when you know you have no control over situations like this that can be heartbreaking for children. Whats would you advise DS if in similar situation?

quietly surprised that so many people trust that if they ask they'd get an honest answer.

It doesn't matter whether or not they answer honestly, by asking you're just ruling out the possibility of a mistake or misunderstanding. And showing your child that you care and want to help.

It actually is "rocket science" for the poor nine year old boy.

He regards someone as his best friend, and naturally expects to be invited to his birthday party, however small it is.

The best friend tells him an invitation has been sent to his mum, but the mum has not received it.

The party happens without the boy attending, and he is left heartbroken and sobbing, not having a clue why he was left out.

I don't think it is easy for the OP to clarify the situation with the other mum. She would most probably not get an honest answer anyway.

She should perhaps find out from her DS if his best friend was disappointed by his absence.

As many have suggested, the other boy might not be considering him as his best friend.

But I think it is the mum who for whatever reason didn't want to invite him.

Luckily, it was just before the long holidays and the DS will have other things to do and forget about this.

The lesson to be learnt here is that such things should be clarified straight away by parents for the sake of the little children, in this case before the birthday party.

Children that have been besties since starting school do start to drift as they get older and interests change. It might be time to support making new friends. How will your child feel if his bff goes to a different secondary school.

Sugarnspice - it does matter if they answer honestly though. Because if she lies and says an invitation was sent when it wasn't then the OP will feel awful especially after some comments on here, and her son will feel bad about not being at the party as well as not being believed - it will cause stress based on a falsehood.

Or if she lies & says he didn't invite her son because she forgot to send a message or she left him out, that will also cause damage.

it all hinges on whether the OP would trust her answer and it doesn't sound like that's the case.

I’m getting stressed reading the responses from people who assume the other mother would lie. Assuming dishonesty seems like a surefire way to make your life complicated and the world around you very confusing.

I honestly can't deal with this level of overthinking.

But my responses have been framed around the fact I think OP should've have asked about this BEFORE the party.

Encourage your son to see that people invite small numbers of friends to birthdays and that his polite friend is giving some other friends a turn.
Also encourage him to give the friend a birthday card.
Invite the friend over for a play date like normal within a few weeks; the boy hasn't done anything wrong.
Invite new friends to your place quite often.

@Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice totally agree. Beforehand would have been much easier. I just think after the fact is too late to be trying to find out.