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Original poster

Ex totally rejected our baby boy

98 replies

starlight1111 · 07/07/2024 16:08

So my ex decided when I was pregnant. He wants nothing to do with our baby, baby is born and is nearly 3 months old and he hasn't changed his mind and has blocked me, so he is pretty much uncontactable.
I just can't accept it, I feel so bad and so upset for my baby boy, he'll never have his dad cuddle him or kiss him, play with him, comfort hlm, how can you reject your child, a baby, an innocent little child, I can't wrap my head around it. I just cannot accept it. It plays on my mind day and night

OP posts:
Tenaciousbeyondallthings · 07/07/2024 16:18

Well it depends..

Did he want to be a parent ?
Were you together a good few years in a committed relationship with one another ..

Was he aware you were trying to conceive.. ?

He has an absolute legal responsibility to contribute towards his upbringing via the CMS (don't hold your breath - it's crap for avoiders ) .. for not wearing a condom .. BUT did he go into this with open eyes KNOWING a child was likely or did contraception 'fail' (happens a lot in MN way beyond the national average) ..

Legal responsibility as a parent is absolutel - wanting to be involved is optional .

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/07/2024 16:25

Are you claiming maintenance?

I don’t know how but you do have to work on accepting it or you’ll miss out on enjoying your baby by wasting your energy thinking about your ex. You wanted to be a parent, he didn’t, and he’s got an opt out because he’s a man and it’s not seen as that unacceptable.

Does he have other children? How long were you together?

LadyWhistled0wn · 07/07/2024 16:26

Did he want a child before hand? Was this something planned or just happened?

Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, sadly.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Behaviour & development Families
Original poster
starlight1111 · 07/07/2024 16:29

@Tenaciousbeyondallthings we were together 2 and a bit years. We spoke about children but didn't have a plan to have any soon. the whole time we were together we used the pull out method which was, for us effective, the night I got pregnant he took it upon himself to finish inside me, there was no prior conversation, I hadn't said yes do it or that it was "safe" to do so.
We spoke about it after and he didn't seem at all against having a baby, before we even knew I was pregnant he was referring to the baby as jr and seemed ok if I was pregnant.
Initially he seemed happy about it, then when I was 3 months pregnant, he changed completely, blamed me 🤷🏼‍♀️ asked me to abort, then when I refused he said, if you go ahead with this you're on your own. I thought he would change his mind but that hasn't happened, he even messaged me after that baby was born and said how good looking he is and that's down to him 🤬 was talking about him quite affectionately then said but I haven't changed my kind I don't want a child and blocked me, even if he hadn't wanted a baby, I don't get how anyone can turn their back on their own child, I think it's heartless and so wrong, there surely has to be something wrong with you. I look at my boy and feel so sad for him, I'm obsessed with him and fail to see how a biological father can act this way.

OP posts:
Original poster
starlight1111 · 07/07/2024 16:32

@AnneLovesGilbert I haven't put a claim for child maintenance in as of yet, I'm on the fence as to whether to or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
starlight1111 · 07/07/2024 16:33

@LadyWhistled0wn I get not everyone is naturally maternal, but when you know you have a child; how do you turn your back on them. It's abnormal surely

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Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/07/2024 16:35

Please get counseling to process this trauma it helped me.
I know you are hurting on behalf of your child but sometimes they come back and want a relationship later once you've done he hard and expensive early years.

This is better than trying to coparent with a controlling narcissist.

Remember you can only control your own actions not the actions of others. You can choose to obsess over him and his choice or you can choose to focus on you and your wellbeing and being the best mummy you can be

usernother · 07/07/2024 16:36

Lots of men do it, and like it or not you're going to have to accept it. Definitely put in a claim for money for him. He doesn't get to completely have no responsibility. Do you have any other males in your family that your son could form a close bond with, granddad for instance?

Mrsttcno1 · 07/07/2024 16:36

Definitely put a claim in for maintenance, and if there is any silver lining to find let it be that at least he has made this decision now so your child will never know any different. It would be harder on the child to have dad there for 4/5 years and then suddenly disappear. It is absolutely awful though OP, my baby is 11 weeks old now and I can’t imagine not being in her life and my husband misses her when he is at work all day nevermind leaving her completely. I don’t understand how any parent can do it and yet many men seem able to do exactly that, so sorry you’re going through this

GCAcademic · 07/07/2024 16:37

Claim the CMS, that money is for your son, not for you.

As for the absent sperm donor, better that he stays away from the outset rather than drop in and out of your child’s life as and when it suits him, like so many useless “fathers” do, causing upset and insecurity to their children each time they let them down.

Original poster
starlight1111 · 07/07/2024 16:38

@Unexpectedlysinglemum I'm usually a really strong minded person but I can't get my head round this. It's not even about me, I'm hurting for my child and feel so bad he has been rejected by his own dad

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LaurieFairyCake · 07/07/2024 16:39

There's nothing to hurt for, he's a piece of shit

It would be much worse if he was inconsistent through his life

Original poster
starlight1111 · 07/07/2024 16:40

@Mrsttcno1 I don't get it either, the instant love you (should) have for your child is amazing and I'd do anything for him, he's only a few months old and I can't imagine my life without him.

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Original poster
starlight1111 · 07/07/2024 16:41

@LaurieFairyCake I'm hurting that my child is rejected by his own dad.

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tomketchup · 07/07/2024 16:42

be over the moon op
i would t want someone like this to have the honour of being in my child’s life

but you make sure you rinse every last penny that you’re entitled out of him

tomketchup · 07/07/2024 16:43

starlight1111 · 07/07/2024 16:41

@LaurieFairyCake I'm hurting that my child is rejected by his own dad.

but his dad is a twat

Mouswife · 07/07/2024 16:43

When your ex gets another partner, are you going to be happ watching your ds go to their home and play happy families whilst you do all the washing, ironing and cleaning and they play Disney couple?
if not, be really grateful he has gone. It’s not all bad being on your own !

Apileofballyhoo · 07/07/2024 16:43

Get the maintenance.

Original poster
starlight1111 · 07/07/2024 16:43

@Mouswife I wouldn't want anyone taking him but it's not about me.

OP posts:
tomketchup · 07/07/2024 16:44

starlight1111 · 07/07/2024 16:32

@AnneLovesGilbert I haven't put a claim for child maintenance in as of yet, I'm on the fence as to whether to or not.

oh FGS

you will be depriving your son if you don’t OP

come on… focus on what is important and what you can do. Rather than just start threads above how sad you are about this cretin

Original poster
starlight1111 · 07/07/2024 16:44

He will never know his other set of grandparents

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ButterCrackers · 07/07/2024 16:45

It’s really sad but your child will be fine. You are your child’s focus. Keep doing the best that you are doing.

tomketchup · 07/07/2024 16:45

It plays on my mind day and night

you have a beautiful newborn, and you are spending the time preoccupied with his layabout dad.

I can’t “get my head” around that

tomketchup · 07/07/2024 16:47

your baby will become more interesting to him as he grows in to a child

and then ex will want to see him

and then you’ll be starting threads about how much you hate him letting down your boy or demanding 50:50

Original poster
starlight1111 · 07/07/2024 16:48

@tomketchup what is your problem? You obviously want an argument

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