Ex totally rejected our baby boy

[starlight1111]

So my ex decided when I was pregnant. He wants nothing to do with our baby, baby is born and is nearly 3 months old and he hasn't changed his mind and has blocked me, so he is pretty much uncontactable.
I just can't accept it, I feel so bad and so upset for my baby boy, he'll never have his dad cuddle him or kiss him, play with him, comfort hlm, how can you reject your child, a baby, an innocent little child, I can't wrap my head around it. I just cannot accept it. It plays on my mind day and night

Get a claim in. That's money for your child.

I think it's more that my son has been rejected

He doesn't know your son, he's never met him, he's never seen him in person.

That was entirely his choice.

But even if he had, there are loads of adorable, lovely, sweet kids whose fathers have done similar.
In some ways many have done even worse, because they did see them born, did get to know them, did spend time with them, DK know them.
Sadly this forum is full of women whose exes don't see their kids, or barely see them.

It's a reflection of his character, it's his loss. Not a reflection on your child.

You need to be very careful about letting him near your son when your done reaches the age that useless men seem kids to be of more interest and less hassle.

In life OP sometimes things don’t go the way we planned , it does no good to stew over it though , it won’t change your exs mind and it will distract you from what you need to be doing which is taking care of yourself and your DS .

It’s early days - he may yet grow up and step up . Though please don’t rely on that .

You must put in a claim for CMS - you don’t know what the future holds - you could even just save every penny for your son’s future if you don’t need it now . Little babies get very expensive over time

Better to have an absent dad then one that’s around inconsistently and makes the child feel rejected (this was me). I mean, nither situation is ideal but there can also be a lot of hurt caused when a parent doesn’t really want to be involved and lets the child down all the time.

he has you and a positive consistent role model is much more beneficial xx

I can see why you wouldn't want to discuss it with people who make you feel foolish, guilty and judged. Probably best to avoid discussing it with them, like the friend who said "You should have known what he was like" - completely unhelpful advice, blaming you. Comments like that sort of solidify the narrative you've got running through your mind that somehow all this is your fault and that keeps you dwelling on the past, whereas your future with your new baby is the most important thing now.

The fact is that you are not with him anymore so their silly comments are irrelevant. You couldn't know at the outset what he would be like. We only learn through experience.

I think you should see your GP/Health visitor and ask what advice/support is available, ask if there is someone you can talk to professionally as this is clearly upsetting you. As the health visitor about local mum and baby groups where you can make new friends for both of you. As time goes by you will be focusing more and more on your beautful baby and your life with him.

Unfortunately you are joining the many millions of mothers around the world in this situation (myself included although my kids are now young adults)

your baby will grow up perfectly fine if you do all you can to be the best you can be. The father sounds like a dead beat anyway.. kids are better off without loser fathers who pop in and out of their lives

But his dad is foul. Emotionally immature (going on about his newborn's looks), irresponsible (using the withdrawal method then coming inside you without asking first), asking you to terminate.

He's a complete loser, and you're best off without him.

Put in a claim for CMS.

Poor boy, back then.

I really hope he's wise to him.

Better a father who is never there from the start than one that makes a half arsed attempt and doesn't show up when expected or tells a child how he is right and you are wrong. My opinion only of course.

although I will need to go back to work when he is 6 months

If you earn low enough to qualify for Universal credit, you get 85% of childcare paid.

Some people find it is worth earning low enough to qualify for UC.

Citizens advice are good on this.

Things can change. Baby won't kniw any difference now this minute so don't dwell on it, enjoy your baby.

what practical support do you have?

Agree. My 22 year olds father was in an out of his life a handful of times when he was primary school age. He then reappeared 3 years ago briefly via facebook and then buggered off a few days later again . The appearing/disappearing has has caused more heartbreak to my son than my younger son (18) whose dad hasn’t seen him since he was about 3. My youngest son, on the rare occasion someone asks ‘do you miss not having a dad?’ Replies ‘nah. He never even crosses my mind and I wouldn’t even recognise him on the street’ ; it hasn’t affected him at all cos it’s all he’s ever known

I feel foolish, guilty and judged for choosing to be with someone who is clearly a waste of space and completely abnormal to be able to do this.

You didn't know.

He encouraged you to continue the pregnancy for three months.

Loads of women have been left been while pregnant, with babies, with small kids, with not so small kids ...

Loads of kids don't see their fathers/their father are not involved.

You're a single Mum. People don't need to know whether the bio Dad sees your child or not. If they ask, just say he doesn't see him. It's not really anyone's business but yours.

does this mean that to your friend it was abundantly clear he was a tool?

^This.

You may well meet someone who will cherish your son. But your son is better of without this pos in his life. He won’t miss him OP not one bit. Plenty of people are raised in a single parent household for many reasons (including death). Would you pity them? No and they wouldn’t want you to. Your son will be loved by YOU.

The pos ex will miss out ultimately and likely try to gain access as your child grows up- happened to DH. As soon as he was an adult, his father swooped in, took him to Amsterdam and topless bars at age 14. His mother still doesn’t know. So be careful what you wish for.

Claim through CMS. Your son won’t miss what he never had.

sod him OP. Bri g your lovely boy up your way, with your family friends and love. Forget this man even exists and cut all, and I mean ALL ties with him. Don’t bad mouth him to your son as he grows up. Answer his questions but don’t have anything to do with him. You have done nothing wrong here. My mum had this scenario with me and I did just fine. One of my best friends has gone through the same and her son is now a thriving 24 year old teacher, living alone in a rented flat, plenty of mates and hobbies. You’ve got this.

That's so so sad.

I can't understand it either

Your poor son. Goodness knows what you can tell him in future years- he will probably want to know about his Dad.

Ironically a Gay man I know was a sperm donor to a Lesbian couple he knows very well.

He said beforehand that he was strictly a donor {Sterile cup} and that he was to have nothing whatsoever to do with the child, should one be created.

Fast forward 20 yrs and he has been a fabulous dad to both his children- when they were actually born, he found himself wanting to be in their lives.
Thankfully it worked out well.

But back to your son- raise him as best you can with good male role models if you can- have you brothers {Uncles?}

My real concern would not be that he doesn't want to see his child, it would be if/when he wants to see him.

Hope he's not on the birth certificate.

You don't want your child having to go to that creature and whichever woman he's with at that time.

That's up to them

How old are you two by the way?

but he would miss the CMS money i suspect

@Nanny0gg I'm 29 he's 33

in the 2 years together… you didn’t live together?

the only time we argued was when he got jealous

That's a red flag.

Also very jealous people are often projecting.... Because they're not faithful. They're always on the hunt/open to offers.